Am I selfish for refusing surgery?
I could use some insight here. For a few years now, I've been dealing with chronic illness affecting primarily my heart and nervous system. I’m in my late 20s and still live with my parents, unable to work because of it. It's not something that could have been prevented. And it's steadily worsened over time. I've already had some pretty close calls. Seen a number of doctors and tried just about everything it seems to no avail. My last resort is some surgeries, which I decided not to have because at least one is major, and they're all risky. They may not even help, given the nature of my condition. I don’t want to burden my family with huge medical expenses for stuff that may be in vain when they're already struggling financially. I’ve kind of just accepted whatever comes.
My family doesn’t seem to understand, though. I do what I can to make myself useful around home but most days that isn't much. They get mad seeing me struggle and say I could be doing more about my illness. It's like they believe I prefer suffering. I also lost most of my friends for the same reason. Some wanted to argue about my health, others just quietly faded out of my life. This has all left me feeling isolated, confused, and hopeless.
Am I selfish for not wanting to pursue the operations? Am I a burden for putting people through this even though I never asked to get sick?
When is the last time you had a complete work up? Medical advances happen every day. Make sure you are on the cutting edge of your medical challenges.
My husband died of colon cancer 13 years ago. Today he would have survived due to all the new approaches in that field.
Are there support groups in your area for people with chronic medical challenges? You sound like you could use some people around you who share and understand your challenges.
About 6 months ago. Pretty sure I am unless every specialist is lying to me. I'm sorry about your husband. My father was actually diagnosed with that in 2019. Now cancer free, although at the cost of having lasting nerve damage from the chemo.
I don't know of any I could go to in person. And I've been hesitant to get involved in online communities. However, I did recently try one and I was met with silence. Put a bad taste in my mouth. Started looking for something different and anonymous, thus here I am.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, by the way. Helps just to be heard.
Honestly, you need to seriously consider the surgeries. It sounds to me like you are using this as an excuse to not have a life, and you are relying heavily on your parents because of it.
Check out the surgeries. Talk to multiple Dr's and even surgeons about them. Find out what is possible, and see if it's possible to minimize risk.
The life you are living now, isn't much of a life. And without a job, you aren't able to even contribute any real money to the house you are living in.
Personally, I would prefer to be able to lead a full (or fuller) life. You can't live your life in fear.