I need some advice regarding something that happened
Hey, dwellers of peoplesproblems. Hope you're all doing well.
16M, going on 17. Girlfriend is 16.
Recently, I got into an argument with my father. This argument escalated into a more intense than usual situation. As I was driving with him trying to get some final hours in for my driver's test (which was supposed to be today), I did my best to respectfully point out that he was condescending. He does this rather frequently, minimizing my emotions and stuff. My parents will sometimes laugh at what they deem to be absurd and it makes me feel really bad. Long story short, I told him I was tired of him treating me like crap and that I thought he was emotionally abusive. This was obviously pretty upsetting to him. He made a point to remind me of all the good things he does for me in a pretty non-exhaustive list. I don't think my parents understand. It doesn't matter what you buy me. It doesn't matter how many football games you take me to so I can watch marching bands. It doesn't matter in the end, because there are so many emotional issues. I would HONESTLY rather live in poverty and have an amazing connection in my family where we respect each other. (As opposed to being middle-class and lacking certain connections) I try my very best to be grateful for what I have, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to me if I feel like I'm being disrespected or unappreciated. I wanted to hang myself after that experience. Not that I'd actually do it. I've had a history of suicidal thoughts.
Some readers might be asking, "This guy thinks his dad is emotionally abusive?" and I agree that the remark was way out of line and probably isn't true.
Some friends, one in particular (let's just call her Person A. She's important, remember her.) have told me that some interactions in my family and with people are signs of emotional abuse. I've had 3 friends and 1 youth leader tell me that I have possibly been emotionally abused.. and I have yet to talk about it with my therapist.
What is really hurting me right now is that I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend what happened. We've only been together for about a month, I've been told now is not the time to do that in a relationship. Homecoming is Saturday, and we're going together. I don't have my DL (my parents weren't going to let me drive anyways out of a lack of experience), I don't know what the deal is for transportation. I don't even know if I'm going. My dad may very well drop the hammer and prevent me from going. And that would be about 200 dollars down the drain. Some of which was spent from his own money. My girlfriend is upset about it and understandably so. I plan to talk to her later about what happened and what the situation is. This is such a negative tone to set a few days before homecoming and our one-month anniversary. In the spirit of classic high school drama, Person A just so happens to be one of my girlfriend's best friends. I think my girlfriend is mad at both of us. She's mad at me for being immature and risking an important event and jumping to conclusions with what Person A told me.
This is pretty much it. I'm going to talk to her in a bit, but any future advice would be more than welcome. I don't really know what to do other than be honest and tell her I messed up. I'm incredibly pissed off at myself more than anything. I need to forgive my Dad for what he did and apologize to him.
Thank you for reading.
I suggest that you separate all this out: you confronted your dad due to your feelings when he talks to you. He’s upset, probably thinks you are an ungrateful brat. So what? You confronted each other and feelings got expressed. That’s a healthy thing to do. IMO.
I’m not sure how that all ties in with your upcoming events. We’re you counting on your dad for transport? You can always get an Uber or ride with friends to the event.
Is your mother in the picture?
Don’t apologize about WHAT you said to your father; apologize about HOW you may have said it. Your feeling are valid to you.
I agree with Susie. Feelings are supposed to get expressed and if your dad gets pissed everytime you feel the need to do so then it will be tough to express yourself in future relationships. Parents set the example for relationship foundation. However no one is perfect. Forgive him but try to avoid this incident spilling over into other aspects of your life. We can't control how people treat us but you can control how you react to it.