About to lose the love of my life if I don't do something!
I've never posted something like this on a forum or ever asked for actual advice about something like this, so I'm sorry if I am doing this all wrong. I'm a mess right now and feel i need another opinion.
So I've been seeing this woman off and on for the past 7 years and she just left me again. She doesn't know how to handle tense situations so her response is to break up. I'm bipolar and recently because of mediation changes I've had a hard time keeping my symptoms under control. I just can't control my emotions and insecurities when I have an episode and that is the cause of most of my problems. The last week or more we have argued pretty badly. About me not trusting her cause she lied to me about her going to a particular friends house. (I dislike the friend cause she has abused my gf in the past and is all around a terrible person) But that really didn't bother me. What bothered me is the lie. Also about me not perceiving myself to be as important as her best friend. (I like her best friend. She treats my gf like a friend should.) I can look back and see that I was being irrational. But by that time it was too late. And that is the reason she gave me when we broke up. That we argue too much. But I've really tried to keep my emotions in check. And up until recent i felt like I've done an okay job. But I get controlling when it does happen. But that stuff i try to control doesn't matter to me if that will cause her to not be in my life. I know we both need counseling (she has depression and probably ADHD), and I'm willing to see a therapist more to cope, and to pay for the two of us to go to a couple's therapist together. Money isn't an issue for me. I want to work through this. in the past my bipolar has been an issue, but i have never tried to do this much to fix things. But i don't think she knows that. I don't know what to do. I know I need to give her some space for a little while, but after that i am completely lost. She said: "No. I'm sorry. No. We're through. Goodbye. Message me in a month after you calm down.". Does that mean she just wants a break from me for a month? I told her that if that is what it will take for me to not lose her that i would do that. and that if she changes her mind to email me. then i said bye. Should i wait the whole month? Or just after my medication has started working more. I feel like if i don't act before i go away for this seasonal job that i will have lost my chance. If waiting the whole month is the best thing to do I will do my best to hold myself to that date. She is the love of my life and I don't know how to fix things before she is out of my life forever. I don't just want her back so things can go back to the way they were. I want things to be better than that. Please help me! :/
I'm actually going through exactly what you are right now in terms of how you feel -- insecure and emotional, and being under the pressure of time to fix it before it's too late.
You know how you feel.
You know why you feel the way you do.
You know that you have to stop letting it get the best of you.
And you know that you don't always have to be in control, and sometimes that it's okay. That's just how life is.
And quite frankly, the only solution is to suck it up and move forward. You don't really have a big problem here although your conditions and need to be on medication amplifies them. and this may apply to the both of you.
I don't understand the reason she broke up with you besides from the arguing -- What do you even argue about? What is the real problem here? Ask yourself that.
Now, find a solution.
What's the first thing you need to fix?
Or, what's the most important thing you need to fix now?
Try it out, and work on it.
Communication is also another key thing to remember.
You can work toward a solution much easier if you just talk to her.
Express yourself to her.
Be open and honest about everything to her.
Tell her everything you told us in that statement and that you want to work something out with her.
I wouldn't wait a month unless you're truly going to commit to fixing the problem.
What have you done to try to fix it anyway? You said you did this, but what exactly did you do? Think about it.
If there are no results in the way that you want, think about what you could be doing wrong, and try again with a different method.
There are ways to solve the problem, you'd just have to care enough to do something about it.
So unless your partner is willing to work it out with you, there won't be anyone out there who can help your situation -- in terms of having a successful relationship with her.
What we can only do is guide you to be where you want to be in the relationship.
The rest is on your own, and I'm sure you can do it~
Just stop selling yourself short and think objectively and realistically, while using your emotions to guide your direction.
Talk to her and see where it can take you.