Bad relationship with father but good relation with mother
My Father who is approx 70 yr old has paralysis on entire left side and my mother is around 60 yr. I am lone kid having a wife and a sweet daughter. I love my mother and she has alone taken care of my education and upbringing. However my father is short tempered and has not fulfilled any responsibility for my mother as well as me. Now I stay in a metro city while my parents are in a tier 3 city. I want to keep my mother with me and I can't see my father. He can't be left alone due to his condition and my mother will not leave him (despite of him treating her very badly on almost every sentence). The thing between me and my father is unreconcilable. I have few problems:
1. My mother is not in good condition physically. She is arthritis and physically weak yet she is taking care of father. I want to take care of her but how should I do it ? Even if I try getting some full time help, am sure no one will be there with my father's ill temper.
2. Practically if my father dies, then I can take my mom with me and take care of her (to me, she is God). But God forbids, if my mother passes away first, then how will I cope with the situation ? I can't see that guy (my father). Even no relative likes him because of his behaviour.
What should I do ? Are there any relationship experts ? I desperately need some answers and/or some direction.
What sort of options are available for disabled seniors? Can he go into a nursing home?
If no one will deal with Dad, can you hire someone to take some of the housework off Mom's shoulders?
A colleague of mine and her husband found an assisted living facility that took his parents and put them in separate rooms. Her MIL had dementia pretty badly at that point, but her husband could come by and visit her every day. I also wouldn't assume you mother has zero friends and activities where she lives now. Is your wife on-board with moving Mom in? Will your mother feel compelled to do everything around the house to help out, when she might actually do *less* living on her own? Just something to think about.