People’s childhood and adult life can cause damage to a marriage
I’ve been married for 14 years. Is it working ? NO NO NO.
Why ? Because I failed to “fully” understand how my wife life was between ages 2 yrs old until 19 yes old.
My wife was raise by the foster care system. During her first 19 years she did receive the following (as building blocks for a successful life.
- was never loved, seen love, felt loved, and no good role model that displayed love to some else. How can you love if you never seen it, felt it, etc…
- My wife thought by giving men sex, they would love her.
- My wife left the foster care system at the age of 19. Was she prepared life and type of people out there. She met a guy who wanted sex and she married him. They had 4 children. After 10 years they divorced and gave her EX the children. Her nature mother gave her away to the foster care system at the age of one year old
- My wife wanted to be loved and married a guy she knew for 2 weeks. During this 20 year marriage the followed happen and she allowed it to happen because because she wanted to be LOVE by a man to take care of her
* her and her husband go involved in swinging. She was told to have sex with several men at the same time
* she was told to have sex with dogs to make her husband happy to watch
* at the age of 40 yrs old she got a job as a professional Striper. She would work during the day as a RX Tech and go to the Gentleman’s Club at night from 7pm until 1am. She to perform several sexual acts with other women, do lap dancing for good paying customers, give oral sex and intercourse etc. Her daily take home was $25 per night 6 days a week.
* to keep her from falling asleep and keep her performance good she started using drugs, weed, coke, pain meds, and some high performance drugs. She was a big time druggie. Why? She wanted to be loved by her husband. He enjoyed watching his wife take her clothes off to hundred of men night after night and perform sex acts.
* when she turned 42 she lost her good paying job at the hospital because of drugs. With no money she lost her car and her husband kicked her out. He got a new girlfriend who is 23 years old
* she was homeless at the age of 44 yrs old. Her drug abuse got the best of her and she almost died of an overdose. She was admitted to the hospital for 6 - 8 months.
When I met her she was 52 yrs old. She was living with a girlfriend she met while in the hospital. We met on eHarmony ! We clicked very fast. She knew just how to play me. I was looking for love also and so was she. But I was looking for the love my parents gave me and the love I seen by many married couple during my 30 yrs in the Army. I’m a Retired Command Sergeant Major. I earned that rank with hard work, being honest and they effective leadership.
I’m not done yet. I hope I can complete it tomorrow.
I was not finish with my story. I still need to add some serious points that people MUST understand early in a relationship.
We are a product of our life experiences and each of us are different. I strongly suggest you share with your partner about your life far back as you can remember. It’s better to get the stuff out early before you invest many years in a loveless married. Also when your partner talks to you about her or his life …Please Listen very carefully. Ask each other questions.
At age 52, there was bound to be “baggage” - you probably have some, too.
You are not a therapist. Individual and couples counseling might help if you want to keep this relationship.
Ask for help ( which may be difficult for you to do)