Dating and my child
I am 28 and my child is 2. I've started dating someone (I'll call him "Joe".) Joe has spent a bit of time with my child and myself, but he has spent no time at all with my child and my mother at the same time. Recently, my mother babysat for free so I could go on a bike ride with Joe. When he and I got back, my mother was sitting in her parked car with my child while my child was standing at the steering wheel, pretending to drive. Joe commented, "She spoils your child." I was grateful that my mother had taken the time out of her day and was generous enough to babysit my child so that Joe and I could spend time together.
Do you think my mother was spoiling my child? Do you think I should not let her babysit my child anymore? Of course, that would mean I wouldn't be able to go on any dates with Joe unless I bring my child along, since I can't afford to pay a babysitter. Also, since my mother often babysits for me for free when I do other things, such as go to my exercise class, I would really be tied down if I didn't allow her to babysit anymore. I'm thinking maybe since Joe is concerned that my mother spoils my child, perhaps he would be willing to babysit for free instead of her.
What advice do you have? Thank you.
I can’t really see how this is spoiling your child? I would ask your bf what he means.
That comment has made you question if your mum should be baby sitting. If she’s been consistent in doing a good job in looking after your child and your child is happy to be with her and you haven’t doubted her before, then I think it’s fine.
Your mum was there so your child was safe, she was letting your child explore and she was engaging. Also you’re the parent, not your bf, it’s your call if you’re uncomfortable with what your mum did
I would keep an eye on your bf, see how he interacts with your child, and that there is no controlling behaviour as in he doesn’t starting telling you how to raise your child and no more comments.
It is your child, you decide how your child should be raised.
How is Joe making this assumption based on just one thing your Mom does?
I think you need to have a talk with Joe, and be clear about setting boundaries and rude remarks.
Spoiling? I don't get that.
If he'd said, "I don't think kids should play in cars. If she got in and accidentally locked herself in, it could be dangerous," I get that entirely. THAT probably happens somewhere every summer. I had neighbors that did let the kids 'play driver' from time to time...and then they probably spent an entire summer screaming their kids to "stay out of the car!!!" for that very reason. Why they didn't lock the damn thing, I'll never know. Nothing ever happened to their children, (they spent a lot of time outside themselves) but I can understand the safety issue, not the spoiling.
Bottom line: your child, your rules. And judging Mom for what he saw in 30 seconds: red flag.