I think my bf is putting me above his kid
How do i go about this? Or what do you potentially see happening?
I think my bf is putting me above his kid. But also i think its not on purpose. Nor do i agree just saying what i see! I know he loves it when we ALL do something but i know he barely has 1 on 1 time with them so i always stay back and push just him.
I know my partner loves his kid but he doesnt go out and get them. The kid is 5, visitation went from every other week for the week to nothing. Maybe a hour visit? His ex was severely bad, she was taking the kid bc i was over or yelling at him in front of the kid about me.
Ofc the kid felt like they were in competition. (interrupting 24/7, being very clingy) I know thats normal. I told my bf about the interrupting and he quickly stopped it next time it happened. He also tries to make sure im never bothered or irritated with the fact of the kid being here. So he always told the kid to quiet down whenever theyd come in the room. I stopped that and said to him “dont tell the kid every time” (i knew this would happen) bc it clearly made the kid understand bc the kid would always then awkwardly stand at the door then slowly walk in.
Now we are still early 20’s and I always believed kids shouldnt have kids, this is why. He had no structure for the kid. The kid is respectful but he didnt give them a bed time nor feed them right. (box of fruit snacks gone and no dinner)
The kid came over for a couple nights, the mom called and ofc the kid misses mom so the mom comes get them.
Noone is putting their foot down with this kid. They just want the kid happy but mentally the kid doesnt realize they need equal visitation or at least to see dad more. My bf doesnt see it , he just wants his kid happy. The mom apologized to me for her actions but said something at the end that wasnt a direct insult but it was directed towards me so i wouldnt put it past her that she is also help keeping the kid alienated. My bf’s parents arent saying anything but will happily take the grandkid behind his back and not tell him their over.
I know he regrets wasting years with his ex so i feel (just what i see) its an obligation love.
You can't *make* this better.
If the child lives close enough to visit, and there's no effort put into making one-on-one time with him, that's a red flag. I think that's what you're seeing, BF is always taking the easy way out. Ex yells at him: avoid her and the child. Kid wants time with him when you're there: tell him to quiet down. No bedtime, no healthy meals = putting his own wants and desires ahead of the child. Not good, and it's not YOUR job to raise bf to be a good parent. And if he can't put his child's *needs* ahead of his own *convenience,* that's not a good sign for your long term happiness either.
Yes, he IS morally obligated to care for his child. He's not stepping up to the plate. Think very carefully if this is the kind of man you want a long term relationship with.