Frustrated with myself
Im growing increasing frustrated with myself when it comes to relationships. I havent had many relationships and feel like I suck or settling for the wrong men. My first relationship was at the age of 23 met my sons dad and fell head over heels for him. Only for us not workout, we both had a play in this. But I remember not being happy or appreciated in this union. I decided to date opposite of him and ended up dating my bestfriend. Even though I wasnt attracted to him, he made me feel important. For the first time I had a man overjoyed for me to be in his presence and not wanting me only for sex. But I wasnt attracted to him and our sex life suffered. Tried to get over it but I couldnt.
After our 3 year relationship I put myself back out there. It was one disappoint after another. I met men that were not serious, having other women, or just rude. But I had a gentlemen at my gym heavily pursue me. I thought why not and gave him a chance even though I felt we were in two different places in life. Plus he had a bad boy vibe with the tattoos everywhere and shirtless pictures on social media that I wasnt attracted to.
I didnt mind because I didnt plan on taking him serious. But lovemaking with him is amazing and we are able to talk about anything. At first I was very nip picky about him because he was extremely touch feely and constantly wanted to spend time with me. Even after weve spent 3 nights together. I still have my reservations about this person because when we disagree he thinks I should lighten up, talks about sex super often, and assume my emotions. At the point I dont if its me overthinking about problems which arent huge or was I not ready. I dont like that Im the only one that bring up things in the relationship and Im looked at as being serious/ intense, talking at him, and always upset. I only point out thins that I feel could affect the future.
Relationships are give and take. They also aren't about attraction. Bodies change over time, people aren't the 10's that they may have started as. It's about love, devotion, and mutual respect. It honestly sounds to me like you are all about you. Might be that you need to work on yourself before you try to get involved with someone else. I'd recommend therapy.