Frustrated with my life
HELLOKAJDHXK - Dec 13 2021 at 03:44
My husband and I have had the same issue for years. I have always felt like his family mistreated me. His mom would say we would t last, that I wasnâ€™t enough for him, and that I was going to take advantage of him. This treatment has stopped since I gave birth to my first son, because my husband is afraid I will leave him and take his son away. IHe grew up without his dad so his relationships with our sons are very important to him. I have never threatened him with our sons but I guess for him, once our first son was born, it was finally worth it to put some distance with his family.
However, he has never defended me from them. This made me think that whatever opinion they have, he also has. It has created serious self esteem issues for me. I suffered from postpartum depression with both my pregnancies. I sacrificed a lot for him including my education, and yet, he never found it necessary to have my back. During my pregnancies I felt like I was treated miserably. The first one he wasnâ€™t around because he was deployed but his family made my life hell. I would visit them and they would always say things that bothered me. During my gender reveal (we thought my boy was gonna be a girl) they were upset because it wasnâ€™t a boy that would be like my husband. No one was happy. It made me feel very emotional.
During my second pregnancy, my husband treated me bad. He would get upset if I asked him anything. According to him I am very jealous. He would even grab my belly, or mg hand. He even embarrassed me when I tried to be intimate with him. I wish I could offer more details without this post being too long.
Anyways, we went to couples therapy and he has tried his best. But I feel bitter that I didnâ€™t finish college, that I didnâ€™t feel special on neither of my pregnancies, I feel like every sacrifice I made was not worth it. I have two sons and I love them with all my heart and this feeling of n out being happy makes me feel guilty. I love my husband and he tries his best but it at this point I am out of it. I donâ€™t know how to get the energy or motivation to change for the better.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that our choices or sacrifices are for ourselves as well as others, even if it didn't feel that way. I would attempt to change perspective. You gave birth to healthy babies and you love them period, that is an accomplishment. You are trying to make your marriage work. Another check, you got through ppd and can be a testimony to others who need help ,that's another check.
Also understand that college will always be there, and even if you don't have the money, the price of learning is free. Start small with the little free time you have. Lots of online learning programs just to get those brainwaves flowing. May not be a fancy degree, but you will know that you learned more than before.
As far as the mean family, ignore them. If they feel the need to put you down, i assure you they are not happy with themselves. Truly Happy successful people dont make time to belittle others.
The husband sounds like a piece of work but showing up to therapy is a huge plus. One day at a time.
Remind yourself of the things you enjoy about you. What makes you different from others and if you can't thing of nothing, develop new skills or refine the ones you have. For example, if you do the dishes good, start doing them great. The way you fold clothes or how you make meals, recognize the simple things your good at, if you take time and think about it you may have a whole list of things. Anyway i hope this helps. I am sure marriage is tough but your will to stick it out is a powerful trait in itself.
My what a lot on your plate. Well i think it's fair to say he should have been defending you even before you had his children.
It is good that he came to therapy with you but i have to remind you that laying a hand on you or getting angry without due cause is domestic abuse and if it happens again please seek help.
But you shouldn't have to tolerate his family either so you need to discuss this with your husband and he needs to tell his family to tow the line otherwise they will be in your company.
Not easy i know when you go through domestic abuse (from him and his family) been there myself. Your husband and his family are meant to be building up your self-esteem not destroying it.