Moving on - bullying
Well today i had the unfortunate experience of bumping into some old bullies who obviously haven't grown up any as they were saying unkind things to me. I felt bad as I never said anything as it just brought back feelings of inadequacy and fear especially since one is from a family who for want of a better word are just nasty a**holes. Her sister is a b*tch and her brother is a woman beater.
I just find it embarrassing and wish i could stand up for myself more or just stop caring what they think. My mind is still in overdrive due to the past few months - dealing with a suicide, stopping drinking (6 months sober btw) and trying to look into ways in dealing with my anxiety.
I feel sometimes that I have done better than them in life (without sounding egotistical!). Got a good career, excelled at university, have a good husband and provide a stable life for my child especially now that I have took alcohol out of the equation. The main ringleader out of them hasn't worked a day in her life and has 8 children to 6 different men.
I just feel others put me down sometimes and have done most my life. It didn't help me having an abusive mother and sister either. Doesn't do a lot for self-esteem!
I have tried anti-depressants, counselling etc but somehow always feel quite shameful of my past that i leave stuff out in therapy...sounds silly i know but recently read that it is a common occurence in therapy for people to do that. I prefer writing feelings down rather than speaking so maybe online therapy may be an option.
But yeah anti-depressants haven't worked but taking beta blockers can help. Need to address my thinking pattern more. Plus, stopping my coping mechanism of having a drink makes it twice as hard but i would never lift a drink over them as they are not worth it. I just can't seem to let go of the past and even at times think about my old neighbour from hell from years ago - didn't help when i saw her husband and don this week too! What a week lol. Makes me think that i am best not going out.
Plus, social media doesn't help as you always seem to come across people more easily and it drags all the memories back up. I just wish i could let go of things and maybe realise there are just some nasty people in the world but it makes me feel like a wimp / soft touch when i try to ignore it and causes me embarrassment. Surely they will just carry on if i try ignoring them or are they just people who try to get a reaction?
Thanks for reading.
I would recommend that you start attending some sort of self defense class. Confidence and assertiveness will come naturally during the process of learning/practicing unarmed combat techniques.