Hi, there is a lot of background to this story so I am going to try to do everyone justice in telling it so I apologize if it's a bit long.
So My fiance (B) (24) and I (23) moved into our apartment on December 1st in a different state two hours away. We were expecting help from his family to move since we have helped with similar things in the past, his brother (A) (22) moved from his old apartment 3 hours away and we helped him then. His mother, father, sister, and her daughter all agreed to help and that was great! His brother (A) and brother (R) (21) both said that they couldn't help, (A) for work reasons and (R) just said it plainly. That was fine, no problem if you can't help!
A few weeks later (A) lost his job and told my fiance (B) that he was available to help us move. We were like great this is going to make things so much easier. Then a few days before we were going to move he said he couldn't again because he "forgot to double check", which we were annoyed by slightly but didn't press him further.
The moving day (B)'s father was asking us why (A) wasn't helping because he had stated that he would. We said we weren't sure the reason and so (B)'s father asked him why they wouldn't help. Come to find out that they refused to help us because we were cohabitating before marriage. Background being, both (A) and (R) are very serious Catholics. We were really hurt by this because we have helped them both in the past, as well as the fact that (A) has lived with his now wife for 3 years before they were married, so it seems hypocritical (albiet they weren't Catholic then but (R) has been for a while now and still helped them.) (A) and (R) also have always been personally nasty to (B) and are very cliquey with each other. So we naturally thought this is an excuse for a personal reason not to help.
(B)'s father was furious as it seemed that way to him as well. So he was yelling at them over text, and in the next couple weeks he would berate (R) about it ((R) lives with parents) , start a public group chat with the rest of the family saying what happened and why it won't continue in his house, and just generally doing things we didn't agree with. We didn't want this to be a public affair or for any of the brothers to get harassed. (B) and (R) both participated in this group chat, (R) answering first and then (B) after him.
So after this happened (B) tried to confront (R) in a private text conversation, and (R) as always was very cold and unresponsive. So (B) tried to say in a group chat to (A) and (R) that this needed to be talked about in person, as we don't want to have hard feelings toward each other, and also Christmas is next week and we all have to see each other. They seemed to agree that this is something that should happen.
(B) tried to get this all together but they both took so long to answer while answering group chats in the family that they NEVER ever answered before. So finally they had a text conversation about when they could meet which devolved into (R) telling (B) that there is no problem and never has been, that they both didn't tell us out of love and care for us and that we should be happy that they didn't (even though they told the truth to their dad who notoriously over reacts), and that (B)'s problems are childish and immature. (B) said one comment which may have been unnecessary about the way (A) said he couldn't help, that he "forgot to double check", which usually implies an appointment or event. (B) said "forgot to double check your morals?" as to point out the ridiculousness of the statement, and both (R) and (A) clung to that the entire time.
The last text before the next day had us assuming that we would both go take the 2 hour drive to go home and (B) would talk to his brothers. They were so focused on little details that none of them were able to agree on a time or place but the wording told us that we were good to go up. When we got there, (R) started texting about how he doesn't want to waste anymore time and that we can deal with this "childish immaturity" on our own, saying that he's already wasted a bunch of his time, getting "berated, lied about, insulted, and yelled at in front of his young niece", all things we had no part in. So he refused to talk right as we said we were there. Then (A) said that he couldn't do it with 20 minutes notice and since there was no concrete plan (we told them we were coming 4 hours in advance and if there was no clarity it was all parties fault), that he made plans with his wife and child to wrap presents and do the Christmas tree. Then he told (B) he was acting erratic because he just "showed up". He also accused us of bringing our pastor to come try and convert them because (B) said we came up and went to church. (We went to the church we are getting married at, to keep good relationships with our officiant.)
I am so upset about this because they haven't talked and refused to talk, and they made (B) out to be the one with the problem. I don't understand their reaction and don't know if they can recover from this. If you read this whole thing, thank you so much. I would love advice if there is something i've missed or what you think the reaction means, or just general advice on how to deal with a situation like this. I'm afraid that some of it is my or (B)'s fault but I don't know if that feeling is just because they made us feel that way or because it is the truth.
Support your fiance, in this. It is his family, therefore it is his business. Hopefully he decides to keep your first in his priorities, as that is how it should be.
Sounds like Dad, had the right idea though. Those boys need to be corrected, and this holier-than-thou attitude that they have adopted, needs to go.
Personally, brothers or not, I would toss them aside until they corrected their behavior.