Longtime crush, 3rd time friend
There's this friend that I've known for a long time now and we'd hang out and message each other from time to time. We even went out once years ago but it didn't amount to anything. Recently, we reconnected and we had good conversations, fun and we'd message every day. One day, I decided to flirt a bit more obviously and "shoot my shot" and while he responded that he's just seeing where life takes him and that he's not going to encourage or discourage anything that comes his way, we could go for drinks and see where my shot landed. It seemed like a positive response with the way he said it.
So I was optimistic that we'd become closer and maybe end up dating. I'd go back and hang out with a group of friends and invite him since he knows them as well but never really hung out with before. He's a sweet guy who always tried to pay for everything when we were together and it was just a fun time.
Included in these hangouts was my best friend who recently started looking for love (meaning she started dating and was open to seeing people) as well and, while they knew each other and would say hi from time to time, never really hung out. Since I had invited him to so many thing and he got exposed to the group more, she also started inviting him to things and they started seeing each other more as well. I saw it happening on her end where she starting crushing on him and I was fine with that. I'm glad that my best friend is finally ready to open herself up to a relationship and open to possibility without worry, she's an amazing person and they seemed to get along well.
A few weeks ago, I invited them and another from to come hang out since I wasn't going to be around for the holiday and we all had a good time. It was an exhausting day for him but he picked up my friend (guy) and my best friend and came to see me. He also drove my friends home but my best friend had dropped her phone in his car so they arranged to meet up so she can get it back. Afterwards, she called me and told me about how flirty they were and she told me she actually likes him and had asked him if it was a date (because it felt very date-like) and he said that it was. Honestly, I was a bit hurt and angry because this has happened before with other friends. But I was glad that she told me since she knew how I felt as well.
When I asked him how his date went (jokingly), he started being evasive and wouldn't tell me what was going on. I'm very big on trust and honesty so I feel like him not being honest with what he was feeling is a huge insult to what we had and to our friendship. When I tried to probe, I kept getting shot down so I decided to just let it lie and see what happens. He knows that my best friend told me about their date so I told him that since he won't tell me how he's feeling, I'll just take it as the rejection that it is but also that if he's going to reject me, I'd like for him to do it more clearly so that I can at least know where I stand. He said of course and that he understood and that that's something he has to think and dwell on.
I love my best friend, I already decided to step aside for her. I can see that they'd be good together but what bothers me is that it's like he's not being honest or even trying to be my friend anymore. The dynamic has changed and he doesn't message unless I message first and the conversation goes stale pretty quickly. Meanwhile, he's talking to and messaging my best friend.
I've tried distancing myself as I've learned that being stuck in the middle is never fun. Our whole dynamic has changed because even if they don't date, I can't be with him because they had mutual feelings and if they do, then I'll be left at the wayside for the third time. I'm trying hard to let it go but am I wrong for feeling hurt that he's not being honest about what is going on and for wanting him to just tell me so that I can finally let that last thread go? Was that all our friendship meant?
Maybe he knows you have a romantic interest and he is trying to separate from you to give this new relationship a good try.
It's not all about you.
I understand that but is it so hard to just say that?
Why does he have too? Again, not about you. Be a good friend and drop it.
Because we were friends.
You say I should be a good friend and drop it, but shouldn't he also be a good friend and tell me the truth?