Am I wasting my time with this man?
While I have dated divorced men in the last several years, I have never had the issues I'm having with my current partner. We've been seeing each other for about 4 months and while he seems very interested in me and makes efforts to see me regularly, I feel like he has one foot in his prior marriage. He has been divorced for 3 years after a 34 year marriage and has told me his ex asked him for the divorce. Here are my observations:
He only refers to his ex by her name (which is not a problem for me but with the other indicators below makes me think he still is "married" to her in his head.
He says things like "Her name and me went here or there"...or "we" referring to him and her not us!
He spent thanksgiving with her and their adult kids to meet the parents of the girlfriend of his son and they took a pic he sent to me - in it he is standing right behind his ex like the other husband and wife.
He told me he told his ex about me but I don't believe he has told his kids even though I've told him I don't like being a secret and want to meet them (he just met my kids).
I met a few of his friends but they are the same friends him and his ex had for over 30 years so the wives seem nice to me but I know what they are thinking. Him and his ex are the only divorced couple in the a large group of friends. HIs ex is still friendly with all of them.
He is invited with his ex and kids to a wedding of one of the friends' son's out of state in March and he is going with all of them and I'm not invited. He says "it would be too weird" but what about him going away with his ex to a wedding....that's weird!
He has a picture of himself, his ex and the kids on Facebook and a few in his apartment. What gives with that ? He also has a "married" note on Facebook from 15 years ago - never deleted it.
I don't want to waste time. I'm almost 65 and a widow and want to build a relationship but not with anyone who only has one foot available to give.
He told me he has had one relationship last year that lasted 6 months but they weren't compatible?
Does it sound like he wants his cake and eat it too?
If you feel like you can't trust him, walk away.
Life is too short to pursue troublesome relationships.
Just from what I read above he isn’t over his ex and wants to be back with her.
He needs to come to terms with it and move on but chooses to stay in the same “marriage”
I would move on and keep looking.