Was I just a rebound?
Hey everyone and thanks for reading.
Hopefully this won’t be too long…
Was seeing this guy for 7 months… gave me a ring after 1 month of dating… gave me $10,000 to pay off my car, planning a house to build with me. He bought a truck and camper and it was placed in my name. We went on plenty of trips , but then we break up 2 months ago. I start to miss him so I reach out to him to talk to him. We go to a movie and then I tell him I want to take things slow … he responds with asking that if it’s okay if he sees other ppl. Of course I say no. So later he’s acting distant and very mean to me. I asked him if he want to paint my sons room…responds to me by asking “why would I want to do that?” And then I respond by saying “ so we can spend more time with each other” he then says he’s too busy planning his trip to some place out of the country. He was complaining to me about how I am making the time about myself and not us. So he unfriends me on his fb page and removes my photos on fb. So fast forward to last week.
I send him a message asking him about possibly getting my bike from his house. He responds by, I think, pretending to be another woman texting his phone asking me “ who is this?” And also saying that she’ll pass along my messages and to never contact him again. I assumed it was him but the way the person was talking about a ring made me assume he was back with the ex wife. So I decided to contact the ex wife to find out if she’s back with him. She asked me why I would think that or why I needed to know. I then proceeded to tell her about our relationship and how much he’s done for me and that I had her wedding ring. I wanted to know if they were seeing each other again. He was always talking about her to me in our relationship. She said it wasn’t her texting me. I wanted to let her know that it wasn’t a great idea for her to get back involved with him. But I don’t know if I should believe her.
What do you all make of this whole thing?
It was probably him pretending to be another woman, though I have no idea which one. I know someone who used to be like this - he would act like someone else through text just to get more information and ideas about how I feel. Like, why would he let another woman break into his phone in the first place?
And this guy sounds toxic. I have no idea if he is using you as a rebound. But he is getting mad at you for not letting things go his way. I have nothing against open relationships, but you have every right to reject being in one if you are uncomfortable about it. But he had no right to treat you like shit for it. I feel that he might have been willing to still be with you, even though he was being a jerk to you, but had other desires too. Even then, it's just not worth it.
Thank you for responding. I go back and forth about whether or not I was a rebound. He was still married to his wife at the time and I had to keep reminding him to get the divorce proceedings together. I also find out through the ex wife that he had sent naked photos of me and him to her. I was thinking of maybe he was obsessed with me and wanted to stick it to his ex wife. But this is one of the reasons I questioned the ex wife because why should she go back to him after how horrible he treated her. And look at how he’s treated me? At least I got some trips and 10,000 dollars from it.
And you’re right he’s very toxic. Back in November when we went to go to another state to visit his son, his 17 year old daughter was with us. Well while we were at a restaurant, he and the son paid her to break my straw. I told her “ wow Sarah, I didn’t know you be such a b$&@!” Who gets their daughter to break his gfs straw?
I say you were dating a guy I dated years ago, but I'm likely old enough to be your mother.
You don't "need to remind" someone to get his divorce papers in order. If he wants a divorce, he'll remember. Why you had his wife's number, or felt compelled to call HER, I don't know. It's weird that he offered you his ex's wedding ring, and weirder that you'd take it. That's a little stalker-ish. Their relationship (and I have a theory about THAT) isn't any of your business, once the two of you are no longer seeing one another. Butt out of their story. You have no place in it. Telling her about his time with you was supposed to do what? hurt her feelings? Make her jealous? Make her mad enough to dump him so he'd come back to you? None of those motives reflect well on you, so stop it. "Well I was trying to warn her what a jerk he was." Spare us. She was married to him. She knows what he's like.
I dated a guy that stayed in contact with his ex- they eventually had two children together, though they never remarried. (He died recently, I saw his obituary) I suspect this suits some people who want to avoid commitment: if things get too serious, they can always "walk it back" so to speak, and excuse their actions with, "Well, we're going to give our relationship another try" or "You knew I wasn't divorced when we got together." I know a couple now, estranged, (kind of) dating others, sometimes living together, sometimes not. I imagine it makes for a convenient exit if they want to end things with their secondary relationship, or maybe neither one dares to actually divorce, or they'd be under a court order to pay child support. Either way, they seem like folks who just 'never drive the tent stakes too deep,' and that's a nice way of putting it.
Bottom line, he may have been lying about getting his divorce. Or maybe not. If you want to put a label on it, sure, call it a rebound, or maybe he's just too self-absorbed to commit to anyone. I'd put good money on that. He's a jerk, no doubt about that.
Okay, I had no idea about him sending pics of you guys to his ex-wife. Now that you told me, it 100% sounds like a rebound. And the last sentence was pretty weird... sounds like he was bullying you.
What’s your theory about their relationship?
I just needed to let her know how much involvement he and I had and that SHES a rebound. They’re very much so divorced because I did see the divorce papers and I was there waiting in my car for him while they signed papers.
So you think I was a rebound based off of the naked photos? I felt that he wanted to show her that he has better than her.
Yes it was definitely bullying. I don’t understand why they did that.
So you wanted to make her feel badly? On purpose? It didn't work out the way you thought, he didn't come running back to you.
My theory is that some people never cut ties completely so when a new person starts asking for a commitment, they can say, "Well, I'm thinking about going back to my ex." (I think I said that!) The constant semi-sort of involvement provides an excuse to dump someone who wants a commitment by saying "My ex and I want to give it another try." Of course he's not going to commit to her, either.
He's mean. You, calling the wife to try and make her feel worse (she's already getting divorced) weren't being very nice, either.
Look I was just being HONEST with her. She needed to know. She also needed to see that he had friended other women from his past but she didn’t say anything and just said she doesn’t care… yeah right. And I agree he won’t commit to her.
Girl, you have kind of a mean streak. But go ahead, and justify your actions any way you want. I never (and I've dated wayyy longer than you) looked up an ex wife / ex-gf to tell her how well her man was treating me. Just mean. He married her. That's more than he did with you, hon.
Well I’m sorry you feel that way. She needed to know and that’s all I can say about it.