Tired of flaky friend
Anyway, I have a friend who is flaky and it's hit the point where I am just DONE with it.
The last (of many) incidents came when he said he wanted to hang out over the weekend...then even after me texting multiple times about it, just ignored me. Then he completely "forgot" that we were going to the ballet together (I found another friend to go, luckily, so the tickets weren't wasted, but still was pissed. I mean, these are $100+ tickets!) And I'm just kind of done. Why waste my time and energy on someone who not only bails (regularly), but won't even freaking *tell* me that he's going to bail in time for me to make other plans?
I basically figured I'd just kind of ice him out...not invite him to anything and decline any proposed invitations with some vague "I'm busy" response. But now he's calling me again and again and I honestly just don't want to pick up the phone. What's the point? If I tell him that I'm tired of him flaking, he'll apologize and make me feel bad for not forgiving him and planning things...but it won't mean anything as he'll continue to flake. (At least if the past is any indication of the future.) But then I also feel bad just ignoring someone I used to be fairly close to. But then I'm also feeling DONE. Like, it hurts every time I'm bailed on and I don't *want* to put any more time or emotional energy into someone who clearly isn't willing to put more than two seconds of thought into me. (Like, how freaking hard is it to text, "I am so sorry, something came up, I can't meet with you Saturday after all!!!"
I think I know what I need to do, and am just venting. But if anyone has thoughts, I appreciate them. :)
thats your body letting you know you're fed up with this person.. your energy isnt feeling him anymore..
Yeah, I think that's an accurate statement. :) I'm just fed up and tired. I appreciate the feedback!
This guy's actions are speaking & that's who he is. It's up to you whether you need him & not so much want him in your life. You don't have to forgive somebody else's bad manners no matter who they are or what they are to you.
If you're done with this guy & his selfishness & being strung along, then tell him straight up, short & sharp & then walk away. Life's too short to keep others happy at the expense of your own.
Thanks Manalone! I appreciate the answer. And you're right. That's exactly what I need to do. No one is owed my forgiveness, especially after repeated offenses. (I think it's always hard as people are like "oh, I'm just bad at time!" But it's not like I'd forgive someone repeatedly hitting me. And someone standing me up again and again isn't exactly any better, even if it's less damaging.)
In my youth, there was a guy who did something related - he'd never *commit* to anything. He'd usually show up, but only because the better offers he imagined he'd get never happened. Eventually, people drifted away from him. They just got tired of the attitude that the activities planned were things he didn't really want to do anyway.
I think you're justified in simply letting the relationship die of natural causes - you're 'busy' or whatever. You can continue to answer the phone and chat - but only if you want to, and refuse to make plans. But you're probably right in that if you say anything at all, all you'll get is an apology that doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words, yes?
I think that's probably the right thing to do. I'm feeling like never talking to him again right now because I feel *pissed*. But it probably makes more sense to chat if it's convenient for me, believe nothing, and refuse to make plans.
And yes, I'm a believer that actions are the only things that matters. It's always amazing to me how many people will say one thing while doing the complete opposite. But it's the action that counts.