I told my friend's BF that she cheated
So, I have a best friend whom I absolutely love. She has her positives and negatives. Let's call her Betty for the sake of this post.
The issues started when I got to know that Betty cheated on each of her boyfriend. She would literally sleep with her ex while she went out with the new bf. It was just horrible to see what she did.
I never said anything. Helped her in the most serious times when she almost got caught. But, then one of her bfs became my friend. He wanted to get married to my her. She started cheating on him. So, after an year of lying, when he asked me that he had doubts And that I should tell him if she was involved in anything, I blurted out the truth.
Since that day, I have regretted it. Unlike her, I have very bad guilt issues. The problem is that she is an aggressive person.To her, the cheating was not a problem. She justified it by saying that her boyfriend wasn't giving her enough time and that she still had feelings for the ex.
Whenever she gets mad, she does horrible things. Goes the extra mile to hurt people. And, I fear that she will do the same to me. I am scared of her. The person that I told that she cheated still talks to her. They go out. He actually confronted her. Never said my name. But, she has doubts. I don't know why he did that. It was horrible. And now, he calls me. Asks for new details. And says that I want to tell her that it was you. I did him a favor and he is actually making me feel guilty.
I feel bad. I genuinely love my friend. I wish I could take this back. Everyday, I feel like I am a horrible human. Both of them, they are okay lying And cheating. But, just this one thing of mine is eating me up. I fear that she might tell my fiance that (who is very conservative) that I got asked out in college. Even this is enough to end my future marriage.
I don't know what to do. They constantly call. And I feel like somehow I am the most horrible person ever. I hate myself. How could I do this. I wish I could take it back. I don't know what to do. I made him swear that he won't tell her. But, I don't know for sure. I ruined my friendship. I am scared. She will ruin my life. And, apart from this. I have never hurt her in any way. I have went above And beyond in this friendship. But, tht one moment of pity on her boyfriend is a total disaster for me. I need advice. Please guide me.
Sorry to say this but she doesn’t sound like a good friend or gf for that matter. I haven’t read anything positive about her, it’s all negative, and to me she sounds toxic. Your put your scared of her, she’s aggressive, she lies, thinks it’s ok to cheat and you are worried about her seeking revenge on you if she find out it was you who told her bf she’s cheating.
So what are the positive things about her? (I’m a bit curious!)
Now you’ve got caught up in her (and bfs) mess and it’s making you anxious but I think you couldn’t kept on covering for her, not when you believe yourself that her cheating isn’t right. That going against what you believe in.
I’m wondering if her bf was already suspicious that she was cheating, since she has a history, and he asked you just so he can get it confirmed. He doesn’t sound too trustworthy either.
My advice is distance your self from both of them, ignore the calls. Try to see the person she is. Really it’s for them to sort out not you.
Yes, you're correct, your friend will ruin your life & she's already achieving it. It's her business how she leads her life and justifies her decisions in life, just as it's your choice who you have in your life and why you have them in your life.
You are in quite a situation, if the fact that you fiancé' would end your engagement if other men asked you out years ago. Let's unpack THAT first. Your fi holds YOU accountable for the actions of others? That you can't be honest with him is troubling, very troubling.
Second, you enabled your friend and condoned her behavior by covering for her and staying close to her, knowing how she treated her boyfriends. If she treated the person closest to her like that, what makes you think she'd hold anyone else (you for instance) in higher regard? If a 'friend' of mine treated her romantic partners like that, I'd have developed the habit of being 'busy' when she wanted to get together and eventually been unavailable. If my friend 'Diane' wants to cheat on her husband, I don't want to know. I don't want to be responsible for keeping a secret from him or anyone else. If I was your fiancé, I would be way, way, way more concerned about the kinds of friends you chose for yourself than the fact that young men talked to you in college. People choose friends whose moral code reflects their own.
I would walk away, never speak to either of these folks again. If your buddy contacts your beloved, **maybe** you can salvage the situation by telling him your friend is an awful person and that's why you cut off your friendship with her.
For future reference: ratting out a cheater rarely works to the news-spreader's advantage. The person hearing it simply doesn't believe it. He or she will assume (may say) you're jealous, you're unhappy, can't stand to see someone in a good relationship. I mention this because if you continue with your sexist fiancé, you will very likely be confronted with the information that one of the men he's friends with is cheating on his wife. You're informing her will humiliate her and anger her husband, your husband, all the men in your friend group.