Is my friend obsessive?
I have a friend who i’ve been friends with for nearly 2 years. We know each other in real life and play games with each other. We fell out last year as they were in a weird place mentally, and they would constantly trauma dump their problems onto me, and it seemed like they were trying to turn my friends against me by telling them i said i didn’t like my friends etc. But we became friends around 4 months ago because i did miss the good times, they said they had therapy and everything was going well until recently. If i’m busy and can’t play games with them then they’ll go into a bad mood because “spending time with me is the only time they feel joy”. Which puts me in a difficult situation as i feel guilty but at the same time i want to spend time with my other friends and have more freedom with what i do, but i feel stuck.
- For more info They will always ask when i’m free to do things which is difficult as i enjoy planning things last minute. & they will constantly check if i’m online and will message me on various social media platforms if i don’t reply in around 40 minutes.
Step back & have a look at your friend because whatever's bugging them is back again and it's time for them to go back to therapy. You're their friend and not their counsellor and you don't have to wear their moods and be put on the spot whenever it suits them...that's controlling and insecure behaviour.
It's your choice who you have in your life and not the other way around, so get on with it with the right people in it.
Your friend would probably benefit from more therapy. If s/he says spending time with you is the only joy s/he has, I think it's fair to say, "I can't handle that responsibility." NO ONE SHOULD. Even when someone is married, expecting a spouse to be THE ONLY source of happiness is unrealistic. Sometimes you're going to be mad at your partner. Sometimes your partner is facing something difficult and you have to be the strong one supporting him or her. Your friend has unrealistic expectations.
Thank you for your advice everyone! it’s just a bit exhausting to have a friend like this, it feels mean to say but they have been irritating me with behaviour like this. I mean we’re both in our 20s and I feel like this is a immature way to act. When i suggest i need space, he kinda baits me into speaking to him again by saying he has things he wants to talk about; but won’t discuss such serious things because he said “ i don’t want to talk to him”. Which makes me feel like he’s trying to make me feel sorry for him?
Manipulative behaviour.. whether it's the right thing to do or not, you don't have to put up with it nor feel guilty about your reactions to your friend. The guy needs to go back into therapy and you need to get on with your life.
Whether he succeeds in making you feel sorry for him, or not, you won't make one iota of difference to his condition because you can't help him if he won't help himself.