Help. I went out with her even though I don't like her...
21H82V33 - Mar 3 2022 at 20:38
Hey, I'm just going to introduce myself first: I'm 16, female, I think I'm bi and am currently in the middle of a relationship crisis.
So, a few months ago, I was desperate for a relationship, my mental health was really not great (thankfully it is now) so I decided to ask this girl who I know out. I didn't even have feelings for her and we had been friends for years. As soon as I did it, I knew it was a mistake. I felt really guilty about it the whole way through. We were each others first kiss and it made me feel so rubbish about the relationship because I was going against my own feelings, and I was sort of just dragging her along, even though she liked it. The thing is, she liked me from before I asked her out. This made it even worse.
A few months passed and I felt so guilty in myself and I knew that I wanted to stay true to myself, so I asked my friend group (stupidly) how I should break up with her. They gave me good advice but the bad thing is, is that I told them that I never liked her in the first place. I broke up with her a week or two after discussing it with them. She was very sad and was crying and I felt really rubbish.
A few more weeks have passed since the breakup and I'm now paying for being true to myself with losing my friends. I totally understand why it was frankly a piss move to even ask her out when I didn't like her. I am totally at fault here. This is my fault. My friends don't want to be friends with me any more (some of them do thankfully).
I also don't know what I'll do when she does eventually and inevitably finds out. We are trying to be friends now and I'm going to break her for the second time.
I've definitely learned my lesson and I'm just posting this on here because I'd like to know what you guys think if it. Thank you for reading this if you got this far.
You get to know who your real friends are when in times of need. The ones who are still there are the ones to trust & at 16 years old, its good lesson to learn.
However, to really know who your true friends really are, just listen to them, because true friends will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you want to hear. Unfortunately, not many of us will be able to count our true friends using the fingers of one hand in our entire life.
Respectfully, you should always respect others as well because the golden rule may be as old as the planets, but it's a good one and life is all about what goes round, comes around.
crisis??..what crisis are you talking about??..keep your chin up & just get on with your life.
Thank you so much, that's so helpful and reassuring
Trust me, you're not the problem. You did everything possible, you realized your mistake, you lost your friends. If this is fate, then you will be together. If of course I was in her place, I would say that you are a fool (in a mild form yet). I'm sorry, but it's true. I am glad that you realized your mistake. You're pretty good. I think this situation shouldn't break you. Cheer up, friend! Try to talk again or meet a couple of times, but this time be honest with her. Good luck!
I think a lot of young people get into situations like this: people nattering at you, "Why don't you ask --- out? S/he likes you?" Or just as bad, you want to go out with someone, and your friends say things like, "What, Him? He's not even cute! She's not cool [popular, well built, whatever] Sadly, all that is pretty much what adolescence is about. She's your friend, so in a way you do like her, but not in a romantic sense? Well, that happens all the time.
Here's the takeaway. Next time confide in a priest/counselor: someone sworn to secrecy. The icky part is that some of your mutual friends may take it upon themselves to tell the girl you 'never liked her anyway,' which will be hurtful. And they'll justify it by saying she deserves to know the truth, which is rubbish. Just because something is true doesn't mean you are entitled to hurt someone by badgering her with it.
We all make mistakes. This isn't the end of the world. Be more mindful of those who are crushing on you because their feelings count. I remember a buddy of mine crushed because one of her 'friends' asked her if her boyfriend had broken up with her yet, because he told people he was going to. Pretty embarrassing to be the last to know.