Virgin at 27
So I just turned 27 and am still a virgin. I haven't even kissed anyone before. Due to social anxiety I've never put myself out there enough to get close to developing a relationship with someone. Recently I started trying to date through causual meetings and dating apps. The one thing that keeps going through my mind is that sex will be inevitable and I feel like I won't be ready because I will be too nervous or won't know what to do and don't want to make it clear that I have never had sex before when most people I know already have long before my age. Maybe it's mostly anxiety or maybe I'm inching closer to being unicorn but I feel I shouldn't be embarrassed about something like this and yet I still am. In someways I feel like a teenager who's too nervous to take that next step.
How do you suggest I go into dating when it reaches that level?
1. If you are nervous about technique, there are sources to check out for information. Plenty of books on sexual technique (I enjoyed the kama sutra, even though I can't physically do 1/2 of it lol). You could also watch some dirty movies, as an instructive aid, if that doesn't make you uncomfortable.
2. Be honest with whoever the lucky girl is, and tell her that you are still a virgin. Most girls will actually consider this a turn-on, or at the very least not care about it. The few who are looking for a man with experience, are best avoided anyways.
Now as a side note. Keep in mind, that since this will be your first time, it will be amazingly brief. There is no controlling it, you are 99% sure to pop early lol. Happens to everybody. So don't worry about the very first time. Don't try to draw it out, or perform a bunch of new techniques that you learned from the previously mentioned sources. You simply won't have time. The most important thing, is to keep trying to improve after the first time. And remember to take notes from your sexual partner. A good sex partner will help you learn and grow, while also sharing things that they like, so you know how to please them.
ALL THAT BEING SAID. In the event that I have somehow misread your intentions, and you actually have planned to save yourself for marriage. Ignore all my advice, and stay the course. It's worth it.
I think lots of women wouldn't actually care about you being a virgin. Especially if they get to like and know you for you.
Thanks for the help guys.
I'm going to turn the tables around but your answers will more than likely remain the same. I am actually a woman.
Seeing as you're a woman, I would actually recommend a higher degree of caution. Don't go around advertising that you are a virgin. A lot of men will try to sleep with you, just because of that. And it will not be a good relationship.
I would recommend trying the dating scene for a bit. Find a guy that you are comfortable with, who is not in a hurry to have sex. After a month or so of dating, explain that you are a virgin and all that comes with it.
I wouldn't say sex is inevitable. I would say you don't have to have sex just because your partner wants to. You don't owe sex to anybody. I'd second AKA's suggestion of keeping your status quiet. Some jerks take pride in collecting "first" experiences.
Hi, for us Moslem, keeping ourselves virgin is compulsory coz we only do sex after marriage. Both for men and women. So you have to be proud of yourself
Dating and sex are two completely different things. Feel free to wait for sex until you find someone you really care about and who cares about you. Don't have sex until you feel ready. There are some things about not having sex that are enviable: you've never had to worry about having an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. Also, there is a lot to be said about waiting until marriage before you have sex.