Like a father!
007DIAMONDS - Apr 7 2022 at 21:22
Brief background. Im M (31) 2 Kids as well.
When i was 8yo my parents separated which didnt effect me. They were not good together anyway. But at 9yo my mother bought in the man who would go on to be a special part of my life.
I always looked up to this man, still do and love him like a father.
We would spend a lot of time together as he would drive me to school which was an hours drive each way and id work with him at the weekend as a teenager.
He has always been good to me.
My mother however is a very toxic person and has just about pushed away me and my 3 other siblings who she has with my stepdad. And they divorced 8 years ago.
Because of this seperation my mother gave me a choice her or him and i couldnt do that so me and my mother did not speak for 5 years. Tried again recently and she started to get to know my kids but again she wouldnt allow me contact with my stepdad and it was taking a toll on my mental health and i couldnt not do what she wanted and so she cut me off again. But i dont care anymore. I have no bond with my mother.
I also have my own family now to worry about.
However their separation cuts me deep. He is re married and happy with another woman and has kids.
I keep in touch but not too much in his pocket as i dont want to be too much.
Im very happy for him but i really really miss the old days, the car journeys. His family, and every day with that person who i saw as a father. I feel at a loss because im older now it will never be like that again and i find that so hard and i really miss it!
I wish my mother hadnt been the way she is as i feel she tore the family apart.
As i said i have my own family now, 2 beautiful kids but i also wish for those old moments so badly i could cry.
So i struggle day to day sometimes as i get very nostalgic in my thoughts. I cant do much about it.
I am so grateful though for this man bringing me up, moulding me to the man i am today. Always being there when ive needed him. The man i wanted to be when i was a boy. And strive to be like.
I wish i could talk everyday to him and express my gratidue and love!! But it also would be weird now i think.
Its interesting how blood isnt everything. The people who make an impact in your life and who you love and class as family dont have to be blood.
I dont know what i can do without being weird to express that as i feel its so bottled up.
Hi, it's good for you to have such a bonding with someone. Don't be afraid to express your feeling and meet him sometimes. Time flies so fast, don't waste it, before it's too late.
Who knows maybe he misses you also
I don't see anything wrong with telling your former (?) step dad how you feel, that you are sad about the rift your mother caused, and that you think of him as a father figure.
He may or may not feel the same way, but you've got nothing to lose, right? It sounds like he was a better influence on you than many men are on their biological children. You might as well tell him that. He might like being a grand-dad to a couple kids. There are no guarantees, but you won't know unless you ask. My parents were pretty independent after we were gone; they enjoyed not having to be parents 24/7. I used to call my mom every week at a certain time, maybe he'd be open to that.
I'm sorry about your mother's attitude.
007DIAMONDS, did you do it yet?