PeoplesProblems Logo

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

Default profile image
Let me start by saying I'm in a blessed situation financially and my concerns come from a place of fairness not greed. I hate money for the problems it can cause but I don't know what to do with my feelings over this. I'll try to keep this brief. I chose not to get married nor have any kids. I'm a disabled vet that has money coming in monthly to help balance the times I can't work but yes, I worry about my future in light of the changes you will learn about. Originally my Mother's estate was to be divided up three ways among my brothers and myself equally. Today I was told by my mother that has now been changed to 40%,40% and 20% to me because "I don't have any kids". There are others who have sadly recently passed on and it is being divided up in the same fashion for the same reason. My original intention was to take a % of the money and donate it to a charity but now I might not be able to do so. This was to offset any estate taxes I might have and to help someone out. Am I being selfish for feeling bitter about this decision and should I just let it go or should I address it with her as it doesn't seem fair I'm getting the short end of the stick because I don't have kids? In the end I know it is up to her what she wants to do with her money and that is her decision as I know she doesn't have to leave me anything. I mean, I am grateful indeed for whatever might happen, but it does bother me I'm being left out just because of my life's choices in not having kids. It feels like a punishment. Thoughts?? How should I write this if I should address it? Thanks in advance.

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

BALANCE profile image
Dear Rogues_Scholar, Personally, I'd say there's nothing wrong with keeping all of the money either way. It is your money, left to you when that time comes. If you are taken care of and have the extra money to give to a good cause then fine, but you need to think about your own situation first. Otherwise by giving to charity, it will pretty much still come back to you because you will need financial help, lol. I guess it's not fair, but at the same time if you put yourself into your Mom's shoes, she probably wants to leave something for her grandkids also. In that way, it's kind of fair. I wouldn't dwell on it! It is money you don't have now, and money that is your mother's to do with as she decides. It is extra for you.

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

Default profile image
Hi ROGUES_SCHOLAR, I don't think it's a punishment at all. Not a bit! It's just pragmatic and realistic. I believe I'm right in saying, that these days kids on average cost roughly 30 Grand per year - each! So it's about outgoings and disposable income. In other words, if you had kids (and if you did you'd know that the minute you become a parent, you literally can't help but spend all of your money on them and go without, yourself) and, say, you were given what amounted to 20k per year, you'd have ugger-all left over for yourself, that's for sure! Not so in your situation. In fact, I'm betting you'll gain way more personal benefit from the money than your siblings! So what you have here is an intelligent, proportionate split, whereby the end benefit levels-out (or maybe still stays in YOUR favour). Sense? Also, don't forget that a windfall would most likely detriment your disability payments(?). Also agree that you're in no position to be donating to a charity. It's OWN OXYGEN MASK FIRST before attempting to help others on with theirs.

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

Default profile image
If the money doesn't matter, you shouldn't care.

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

Default profile image
It's not about the money, it about what, potentially, the intention behind the distrubution decision is, AKA.

Estate Distribution Out of Balance/Short End of the Stick

Default profile image
Soulmate. Not really. There is no reason to look for trouble where there isn't any. Don't expect anything and it won't matter. Also, if this is some kind of ploy to play head-games with folks. Why participate? Just a waste of time.

This thread is due to expire in 25 days

B-1