Insecure about my height as a male
LITTLEGUY - Jun 28 2022 at 22:55
Hey, I already made a post in another category about this problem last month, but I'm still kind of depressed because of it. My problem is that I'm a 17 years old male who is only 158 cm/ 5ft2 tall/short.
I really hate being small, everytime I go to school every pupil of the younger years is a lot taller than me etc.
My biggest problem is that I'm already insecure with girls, I barely ever talk to one nor do I have any female friends. This already makes it hard to be able to get into a relationship.
But through being small I get even more insecure about myself everyday, especially when I read some of the online forums there are about short men on the internet. It's like a never ending circle...
I have absolutely no hope for ever getting into a relationship anymore because whenever a girl would talk about me, she'd be like "oh he's cute" but would put me in the "friend zone", as every girl seems to be way taller than me and for a lot of girls that sadly is a problem.
This all leads to me having big depressions every once in a while, which sometimes even kind of leads me to not wanting to be alive anymore. Nobody would ever suspect me thinking that as I am pretty much always the funny guy around who can have a good laugh about himself and his height as well.
The reason I posted this is probably that I just wanted to write about this problem of mine a bit bc I don't have anyone else to talk about it, but if you have any suggestions regarding my situation, I would be really glad of course :)
I'd recommend building up your confidence. Self defense/karate/mma classes are great for that type of thing.
Let me take your negative glasses off for a min and lend you my lovely rosy ones - only slightly...I'm a Realistic, not an Optimist or Pessimist:
1. You're only 17 - you haven't even finished growing yet (I know some people who had a last minute growth spurt before they hit 25!). So AT THIS JUNCTURE, you're STILL short-ish. You're not actually that short for 17, though. Unless this is relative, i.e. you're surrounded by tall friends?
2. YOU GET ALL THE REALLY CUTE, PETITE GIRLS! Especially the ones that can't take the insane amount of tippy-toe stretching, every time they want a snog (not to mention the tall blokes who can't hack the neck strain). This, any significant height difference, is a really common complaint amongst daters. And there do seem to be more petite women than men. So, there you go - there's your Target Market and it's no tiny pond!
3. You're 17. At that age-stage, being insecure about girls "is your job". The fear ensures you approach tentatively, gently, respectfully so that you practise and perfect your dating dance under those lovely conditions...because - you have NO IDEA how scary you blokes are to girls your age or (usually) younger, no matter their false bravado to the contrary. PARTICULARLY very petite girls/women faced with a tall bloke - THINK ABOUT IT.
If you're nervous - 1. they're flattered (well, the nice ones are, anyway) and 2. they feel LESS nervous. It then balances out to both a bit nervous for the first few weeks or so but setting-up a respectful dynamic because of it, ready for when you're more confident and relaxed with one another. So this nervousness and awkwardness is actually a vital TOOL as means you'll attract "the keepers" (well, at your 'flitty' age, the "Steadies" anyway).
4. Looks, including, height don't actually matter if your chemistry and hers match (= spark!). These online women are (duh) blaming the guy's height for the fact that he and she simply didn't experience chemistry...they were probably online daters who'd had (scuse pun) high hopes that this guy they were about to meet was perfect, but - because (a lot idiots do this) he deliberately hid or conveniently failed to disclose (or worse, LIKED about) his height to secure the date (in the hope that chemistry would spark, regardless) - or because she just ASSUMED he was tall! - the impression the young women gained (AND artificially/unrealistically added to/filled in any gaps with during daydreaming in the run-up) wasn't fulfilled. Younger women get so excited before a date so...Cue major disappointment and sense of betrayal upon meeting him in-person. Cue going online to have a damn good vent.
Then there are the "just dumped" whose (maybe not nice) boyfriends might have been quite short. "Ohhhh, I'm never dating another short guy again, short guys are pants!" (etc. BS). You see grown men doing this with hair (my ex was blonde...No more blondes for me!) (yes, indeed - 'good grief'!).
5. For now, and IF you don't keep getting gradually taller (not all growths are spurts), then how you wordlessly TELL people to react to your height will be what they unconsciously deliver. If you feel Less Than, that's what your vibe and/or how you act will read. If, however, you do what the sexiest, thus perfectly popular, short guys do - and make it your U.S.P. (unique selling point), called Cute But Sexy/Funny/So Refreshingly Sweet/whatever, then your confidence and smile will work to draw them up to you so that you and she get close enough to (if your chemistry is compatible) feel any spark. But it's just a QUIET confidence. The shyer, sweeter girls tend to steer clear of the cocky, mouthy lads.
6. Tall guys gets friend-zoned "all the time" too - and then have to blame their nose or something. Sometimes the girl feels the pressure to date but isn't ready/too nervous (particularly with today's silly pressure to have sex too soon) so she excuses her refusal to date to her posse by claiming not to fancy him quite enough but really-really like him and wanting him as a friend (first) (while she samples him and gains in confidence). True, some friend zoning is genuine, but - this 'loss of bottle' happens a lot.
So, ultimately, where any worthwhile dating is concerned, looks, height, car, job...blah....mean nothing where initial attraction and dating are concerned. They're just things we blame....bonuses to what is really delectable: dat chemistry. Plus the quiet confidence (liking yourself more than not) to draw them.
What ARE all your good physical and personality points, then?
PS: Ooh - agree with karate or self-defense classes - fanbloodytastic for that sexy gentleman air!
PPS: Or regular basketball or other stretching type of sport - since you haven't finished growing and are still stretchable?
PPPS: Or BOTH!
(Tsk - LIED about)
Me, I suspect you just WISH you were taller because then you'd have a decent package of confidence to make up for how non-confident you (think you) are. But like I say - even "perfect"-looking and/or tall blokes have this natural insecurity...there's nothing you can do about it and nor should you. You haven't finished developing it yet, like a lot of things, still.
Which reminds me:
7. After decades of doing this, I haven't encountered many 17 year old males with the balls to post on an adult forum - or any forum for that matter. That's really brave.
That's great because you're SUPPOSED to be "feeling the fear but doing it anyway" because everything you're encountering now you're entering the gates of adulthood WILL be new - and New is scary. So without bravery, you'd be well beeped, wouldn't you.
PPPPPS: Also, acting classes or (for-free) joining the local Xmas panto group (who tend to rehearse all year LOL) (and at which you might meet someone?) tends to build your confidence quickly, too, as well as allow you to act more confident than you feel.
Basically, DOING - getting out and about, trying new things, now matter how left-field (in fact, the more left-field, the better!) - is what builds your mental height to a degree where it completely drowns-out your physical version.