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Is the issue actually me or am i right?

Posted by
MIASMUM12
on Sep 8 2012 at 18:20
Member since: 08 September 2012
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category My husband and I have been together for almost 3 years, married for a year and a half and have a one year old LG.

My husband had half of my maternity leave as we felt and had always said that we would split mat leave so each of us could spend time with our daughter. Off the back of mat leave my husband was involved in a car accident resulting in whiplash and aggravation of an old shoulder issue (broken collarbone). Sorry to give this outline but actually may outline what part of the problem is.

Recently it feels like we have 0 time for each other. I try to speak about the subject, my husband basically just shouts and it all ends up in a argument with him walking out.

My choice is that as i work 40 hours a week as a manager that I like to spend all my spare time with my family, so I don't go out and socialise, I do however have friends come over- as I say MY choice.

My husband is very social which I understand and knew this when I married him. However this has become an issue for various reasons.

When I had just given birth to my daughter I found that my husband had been messaging a n ex girlfriend on Facebook. They had both been putting sexual comments to each other and obviously this caused a massive row. I am someone who finds it hard to trust in the first place so took all of this very personally.

Since then there has obviously been a serious issue of mistrust. I understand my husband needs to go out but find it difficult to trust him after i have seen how he can behave, and this is also aggravated by the fact that he goes into town with single friends ALL the time. I have explained that he could go squash, the local, bowling etc but they ALWAYS going into the city centre and when my husband tells me what his friend gets up to with girls obviously alarm bells are ringing to me like WHAT ARE YOU DOING THEN??

I wish that I felt like this was all in my head but I have advice from other people who know the situation who think that although he would never actually do anything, my husband likes the attention and i don't think he can resist pursuit- and when we have arguments about all of this and he goes straight out it makes me wonder how much further he would go.

Take today for example, try talking, he says its better not to talk about it at all, I try to be calm and explain everything and it ends with him throwing his wedding band off saying he has had enough of my BS and it's the end of the road. And then he's straight out with this particular single friend.

We have spoken about counselling before and as he is not at work and has access to a phone all day and as the trust issues come from him, I suggested he call, but he said that I should even though I am at work sometimes anti-social hours.

I feel that he thinks he can get away with his BS as he knows I will always put my little girl first and enjoying spending time at home, but he makes more effort to go out with his friends than make an effort to go out with me. It is truly destroying our relationship.

Reply from
AMY_99
on Sep 10 2012 at 03:09
Member since: 08 September 2012
Gender: Female
I'm so sorry to hear your troubles. Unfortunately this early in the marriage if---- " I try to be calm and explain everything and it ends with him throwing his wedding band off saying he has had enough of my BS and it's the end of the road" -----this happens, it's over. My opinion, explain to him that if it's that easy to just give up, then it's time to stop and file for a divorce. Remember you matter and that if you try and he points the finger of blame at you to make you feel guilty for his actions, then he is doing something to feel guilty. Go online and get free divorce papers, fill them out and print them off and lay them on your kitchen table. Tell him you need to talk and show him the papers, explaining if he wants out, now is his chance. If he wants to stay he needs to respect you and the relationship. If he cannot talk with you without throwing a tempter tantrum and being a child, he is not who you thought you married. You deserve respect and if the marriage is in this much duress this early, it will only go down hill. Remember a mother is a pivotal role in the character building of her child. If as she gets older she sees you being ok with being treated this way, she will get into the same type of relationship as she gets older and you will regret not leaving and showing her the strength you have. Children grow up realizing many things and allowing yourself to be treated this way is something children see and grow up to be. Tread lightly. Good luck.

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