Why can’t I move on?
I started chatting to a co worker, he would text me every day, several times a day. It wasn’t just a ploy to get me into bed, it seemed genuine. He asked questions about me, asked my advice on decorating tips for his house. We met during a work event and later went to a restaurant.
We ended up spending the night together. The text and calls continued. We met again, this time we spent the day and night together, it was wonderful. He was so caring and attentive, cared about my feelings. We spent the day after in the office together, everything was fine even to the point when leaving he walked over to my car after leaving the office to kiss me goodbye. Then it changed.
The texting and messaging started to drift off, when I asked he just said he felt like he wasn’t coping very well. He’s a single dad and cares for his parents, as well as working full time and trying to stay on top of diy etc. The texting became less and less and the calls at work stopped. This time when I asked he said he felt like the texting was taking over everything and he felt like he was neglecting his daughter and he felt like he couldn’t give me the attention I deserve and it wasn’t fair on me. We still work quite closely together and friends have commented on the way he looks at me.
He still says he wishes he could kiss me. My gut is telling me there is something there but something is holding him back. Either he doesn’t like me that way and can’t tell me although we have quite a speak easy friendship or he genuinely doesn’t have the time but why hold back on something you like. He divorced a year or so ago after finding out his wife cheated on him, could this be a factor? I can’t get him out of my head, my head is saying let him go but my heart won’t let me
How about you confess to him ? Ask him out on a date instead of texting and tell him what he thinks about you and him becoming a thing. You could ask him to bring his daughter along and if you two get along, this might work well. Maybe he is having second thoughts because of her but he will like you even more if you establish a good connection with her.
You seem to like fair enough to make this much effort, especially since he seems genuine.
I guess I’m frightened of the response. He’s stopped all calls and we talk at work because we have to. He just says he isn’t coping well atm and doesn’t have the time to focus on me. I feel like I’m adding to his problems.
It seems that he is afraid of responsibility. He has a lot of thing to care of and he doubts if he could have a good relationships in his life. I think that he needs time to think about it. Just do not let him to forget that you had together
I would walk away, and I say that as someone who made the mistake of not walking away. "Joe" and I got along fine, had a couple or three dates, and he decided I was not the one for him. That's fine, I was a big girl and could deal with the idea that I'm not *everyone's* dream come true.
The problem came when he decided he needed to avoid me. Soo...at work, I needed someone from his department to sign off on things leaving the store. I'd page and hear nothing. That kept other vendors waiting at the loading dock, unhappy and peevish. I had to arrange to send things out on days he was off, or make arrangements with a specific other person in his department to get this task done. I had a lot of company in this experience at the workplace; plenty of my colleagues noticed he had a tendency to socialize and play pranks rather than work. But because we had dated, it was easy for some people (his supervisor in particular) to assume my comments were a result of sour grapes at being rejected.
That's one of the downsides of dating at work - people assume things. The other is, if the whole situation turns nasty, one or the other of you could very well be accused of harassment. Given the political climate as it is today, that person *will* be him. I don't know if that's why he backed off (he sounds like he's got an awful lot on his plate) but he *should* be considering it.