A few years back I slept with my boss who got married during the duration. It carried on over a number of years which I regret. Sometimes I didn't want it but let it happen.
Fast forward 3 and a half years after. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship, I opened up about my past to him. he has been finding it very hard to deal with despite not knowing me at the time. It has lead to many arguments, a lot where he has packed his stuff and gone. He was pressuring me to talk to my mum. In the end I told him I had told her everything. After the conversation I had a panic attack and told him I hadn't told her everything that it was too hard. Now he's saying if I don't talk to my mum about it we are over. I don't want this relationship to end but I also don't want to talk to my mum about it. and I don't know what to do.
Seems like you have to choose an option. Not sure why he is demanding that you talk to your mom though. I don't see that being beneficial to either of you. Unless he wants her to know why he is leaving you.
As for losing him, that isn't up to you. That is his call. And honestly, I think he has already made up his mind to leave. He just found out that he can't trust you to do the right thing. That is a death blow to a relationship.
My advice. Let him leave and seek therapy. You need to figure out why you did, what you did and how to prevent making poor decisions in the future. If during the course of that treatment you talk to your mom about it, so be it.
This may not be the answer you want. But there are long reaching consequences sometimes. This is one of those times. Accept it, and work to improve yourself for future relationships.
What in the world? What ever possessed you to talk about other men you've bedded with a boyfriend? What makes you think he wants to hear about your sexual past? Do you want him to give you a blow-by-blow of all the women he's been with? Of course not. DO you think your MOTHER wants to hear about your affair? What purpose - exactly - would that serve? Your boyfriend is not a therapist, and your mother isn't either. Get one, if you think it will help. You might want to examine why you settled for being someone's booty call instead of seeking out a real relationship with someone who really cared about you as a person.
And if another partner ever asks you, the answer is, "That's private, and it's the past." No, you don't *have to* tell. And 90% of the men who tell you it's okay and they want total honesty are only digging for something to use against you when they want to end the relationship -- Just like this one did.
Your bf or ex or whatever he is sounds like a bully who just wants you to humiliate yourself in front of him or your mother. We all make mistakes. Are you still sleeping with married men? Are you having sex when you don't want to? No? Move on.
@oldmainer I would actually disagree with that to a degree. If a girl has a high "body count" or has been filmed doing sexual things, she needs to share that info. It will be extremely devastating to both parties involved, if it comes out later and gets thrown in the guys face. I would also argue that infidelity needs to be shared (on either side). As the previous guy may come sniffing around expecting a repeat, and may even threaten to use the past against the girl.
Honesty is the best way forward. Dishonesty has a nasty habit of doing 10x the damage, the later it takes to come out.
Ahhh, I see. Women need to remain pure and men can do as they please?
The Nineteenth Century called. It wants its morality back.
I'd only agree on the filming - though after the Paris Hilton debacle, I'm mystified that anyone who isn't employed in the film industry would agree to be filmed. Revenge porn is real.
@oldmainer When did I say that women should stay pure and men shouldn't. Stop skewing my words.
Frankly I don't have much use for men that play around a lot either. I knew a guy with a very high body count, always told him that he was disgusting. Then I found out he slept with married women, and I told him that I would kill him if he went after my wife.
Men and Women alike, need to think about how their behavior now, may impact their future.