Did I read too much into it?
I've been in love with this girl for 6 years now. We are friends. Good friends. She is straight and I had accepted the fact that I would never have a chance with her. But a few months back suddenly she asks me one day if given a chance I'd ever date her. I thought she was joking and gave her an out of that conversation. But she insisted for me to answer her question. So, I like a fool I am said yes. Then she told me that she too would date me if given a chance but according to her, she is not good enough for me. That I would never want to be with a girl like her.
I was so confused by the fact. This gave me a weird hope that maybe these feelings are not totally one sided.
When I asked her if we are going to do anything with this knowledge that we both would like to date each other if given a choice and she told me that she doesn't know.
We never talked about this again. And now she tells me that she's dating this other guy and was indeed thinking of making things official with him during the time that we had this conversation.
I just do not understand if what she did was so very necessary to do. I was already okay with the fact that she would never see me that way, then why spring up this conversation out of nowhere and then just going ahead and dating someone else? I'm pretty sure she knows how I feel about her and yet she goes ahead and does this to me.
I don't know what to feel. I want to be mad at her for doing this but I also don't know if I read too much into that conversation.
Maybe she is curious about that lifestyle and just taking it slow. Changing sexual orientation can be quite a difficult thing to do.
Advise? Don't focus on that conversation. Live your life and if anything ever comes from that conversation, so be it. But letting it distract you from your life, isn't doing you any favors. Besides, she is dating someone else right now.
She's right about one thing: someone who would press you for and answer on a question like that, say she'd like that too ----and then say it would never work because she's not good enough for you ISN'T good enough for you. It sounds like a sly, manipulative way to stroke her own ego.
She brought this up *while* she's in a relationship with someone? Even if she is curious, she's not being honest with her current consort. You are right, too; it was not necessary to do. Best scenario; she'd have taken some time, single, to go through some therapy and sort this through. Then maybe she'd have approached you, her good friend, and had a conversation along the lines of "I have these feelings, but I don't want to endanger our friendship..."
"It sounds like a sly, manipulative way to stroke her own ego."
I agree completely.
It was TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. Certainly if you're someone that's used to their best friend always taking YOUR feelings and needs into account. Which this doesn't sound like an exercise in, does it. Quite the opposite. She clearly sought an objective and didn't even stop to consider how her method in getting it might hurt you in the process. Despite she did have the historical data with which to have known it would hurt.
Neither was the method. It was carefully worded to be vague and, yes, the whole production was slyly manipulative. An exchange should have two, equal winners. Her way, she got what she wanted whilst you didn't and instead got injured - by having trusted her invitation to make yourself vulnerable to her.
Put more simply, she asked you to expose your heart and then not only failed to do the same (by immediately cancelling it out), but then poked your heart painfully with a sharp stick.
That's not very best-friendly, is it.
What was she up to? Did she want leverage to use against her squeeze ("watch yourself because someone else is ready to take your place!"), that in the process didn't involve having to commit a lie or make some secret admirer up?
Has she committed slip-ups in behaviour that have hurt or offended you, before 'today'?
Unless she was drunk (was she?) - I don't iike it because it's her taking the decision to put your best friendship at huge risk. Think about it: due to this having been a very sensitive, already tender topic for you, you could have been forgiven for having taken huge offence and reacted really badly, and ended your friendship right there-and-then. (Some would, you know?) Why would she choose to do what she did if she cared about your friendship as deeply as you do, to where you label it Best?
However, haven't you overlooked something? You try this on for size: A man whom you think you're forming just a platonic friendship with, makes it known that he fancies and is pretty smitten with you (tbh, it's quite hard to mask, anyway, even if you say nothing). The fact is, you're aware of it. Do you dismiss that, and welcome him as a friend, regardless? Or does that situation and set-up leave you constantly, even just intermittently, feeling too "icky" and awkward from then on?
So how come it didn't bother HER?
Come to that - how could YOU stand it? Was it perhaps because you'd this whole time been picking up on even tiny, really subtle flashes of Hopeful Maybe-ness from the start? Did you hope she'd fall for you over time? What?
You're not a fool for having been honest when asked, btw. If she'd been coming from an honest, genuine place herself with that question and subsequent pressure to answer it despite you'd decline to, NOTE!, then, it wouldn't have been a problem, would it. What Goes Up, Must Come Down...that expectation comes under one's sense of integrity....rules and expectations that humans are normally safe to take for-granted. She trashed that natural script. She is the one who's the fool, therefore - because she didn't (does she normally?) interact right, according to the programming of a normal-healthy. She had an unnatural reason for asking that question.
Right Qualities (yours), Wrong Recipient (her).
You continue to make as many declarations as you like based on all such encouragements, missus! Hopefully, 99% of them will accord with the natural, normal, healthy script. End Of.
You work right.
So what's up with her, then? Is she playing you off against him? Why? Is it attack (wanting to have Power Over him) or self-defence (wanting her power BACK - and he's got her in a lather of desperation)?
Sorry - forgot to say: permission to be mad!
Knock yerself out! LOL.
I know I am, despite I don't even know her.