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Distance in rather relationship

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Hi guys, id like to have some of your opinions to my following problem: ive been with my boyfriend almost a year now and we moved in rather quickly after starting our relationship. and now, so for some weeks now, ive noticed emotional distance living in our flat with us, if i may say so. the past few months i have been under constant stress because of money. i have a gambling addiction and ive been trying to sort out my financial problems that were caused by that addiction. in the beginning of our relationship ive used a lot of reason why i cant go out for food, or go to the movies, or or or as often as he wanted.. and some weeks ago, ive sorted my problems (luckily). but i know that me and my not being able to make proper plans with him or change plans last minute must have taken a tol on our relationship. and ofcourse i feel really really bad about it. i know that he was there for my mood swings and he was always very unterstanding. he knew that i was sorting out money problems and some of the details he also knew, but i think that he is a lil sick of it. which is understandable. but id like to get rid of the distance, that my behavior created. its not only me that is distancing because there is only problems circling my head, its him now too. my feeling is telling me that he got a reality check and wants nothing to do with him (eventhough we spoke about the distance and want to get rid of it). i would like some advice on some tools i can use to leave this behavior behind me and try to be myself and live a normal life with my partner. hope some of you have somthing to say :)

Distance in rather relationship

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Hi Chatty, We'll need more data than that, please: 1. So do I take it you and he met only last July? Can we have the exact date? And - met where/how? 2. How quickly/on which date did you move in together? And how many actual dates had you had at that point? 3. Who was first to mention doing so? And why? (To save money or because you'd fallen so hard and fast for each other you couldn't bear to be apart any more - or both?) 4. Did you both give up your previous flats and get a new one together or did one of you move into the other's pad? 5. Presume it's a rental, split 50/50 including all bills, food, etc.? 6. What problems, specifically, does he say are now circling his head? (Well done for having sorted your problems, btw. Or well done for having been a good person and received as your reward the good luck to help you sort them. Whichever - you still played a major part.)

Distance in rather relationship

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Hi and thank you for this quick responds. weve met in September last year. i have downloaded an app after being on my own for 5 years. in this 5 years ive figured some things out for myself and wanted to start a new relationship. it was luck or destiny, but i very quickly found him and he checked all the criteria that i had for my future partner. we chatted/video chatted around 2 months, met and it was great from the beginning. We spend a lot of time together, 3-4 times a week we saw eachother. ive quickly met his family (brothers, their families and the mom). quickly, he started talking about moving in together. i then said, that i would like it to not be that quick because i knew that i tend to lose myself in relationships pretty quickly. We kept spending more and more time together and in July i moved into his place (that he got right after we met in person) for good. His place was cheaper and since i was "thinking money" a lot, it was very clear to me, that moneywise this would be good. how many dates? im not sure, honestly, but we went on vacation in february and i was super skeptical about that honestly, but we got along so well, that i couldnt even believe it. there was no passive aggressive behavior, only "honey, if there is something you dont like, just tell me and its no big deal and i will try to accommodate you" and thats what happened. he proved himself and he proved me, that i maybe didnt have to wait ages to make this something serious. we split 50/50, so all bills in half. i did suggest that i could pay more, since my pay is higher, but he just said lets do 50/50 since you have your dept to take care of and 50/50 is good. what i would also like to mention is that he migrated here in May 2021. He migrated from he same region my parents are from (which was a big plus to me). its my obsession with money and the problems that i had with it that is circling my head, its not him. honestly, i did say to him that June is going to be a rough month and so he stepped in and payed a lot of our eating and activity expenses. he just kept saying that July is coming soon and we are going to have more money, its just that month. but ive felt guilty about it. and was in a bad mood a lot (aspecially before i sorted things with my cash situation). and if a thought popped up, lets say something that ive noticed i didnt like about our living situation, ive kept it in so long until i couldnt and then it wasnt a normal conversation anymore, it was more dramatic. basically, ive kept things in (eventhough he constantly told me that i should talk to him) longer than i shouldve. and that created very strange moods (for both of us). now yesterday, we had a conversation about the distance that is here now. it got triggered by a disagreement we had the previous day, where i didnt really understand his reaction. we talked about that topic so many times and we even had the same exact conversation, but this time he felt offened big time (eventhough we are on the same side, if i may say so - its the topic of religion) and that disagreement and his reaction were in my head the whole day. it confirmed to me that it wasnt only me who was distancing myself from him here and there with my worries, it was also him that started doing the same. so yesterday ive mentioned that i felt distant from him. and he said he felt distant too and that we should work on that. thinking back now, ive felt it for a few weeks now. it was little situations that gave me the feeling that something was different. on the one hand i told myself that the honeymoon phase is slowly leaving us on the other hand ive blamed myself for not being open and not saying things on time, eventhough he said to me i could. when i told him im worried about money he always said we are going to sort it out and afterwards when thats sorted we are going to work better, or ill be more in the moment with him. hopefully, this is somewhat clear written. and thank you, but my path is to recovery is a long one im afraid.

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