Is my boyfriend moving too fast with me?
I've been dating a guy for almost a year. We are senior citizens and both of us have dated before. I am a widow almost 11 years and he's been divorced for 4 years after a 35 year marriage. We live 50 miles apart. Since meeting him, he has been encouraging me to move to his area. He loves his area and has a lot of nice friends (his grown kids live in the area too).
While I really like his area, it involves selling my home (over 25 years) that I shared with my late husband. And while I have semi retired I still have to go into the office 1 or 2 days a week and work almost 3 days (the 2nd and/or 3rd day can be remote) for about another year or so. I was talked into leasing a new apt with him and I do really like it but I am just not ready to sell my home and move there full time.
We both care for each other a lot and are very compatible = I have learned this is very hard to find and I'm thrilled we found each other but we seem to be having a "tug of war" about the above.
Also, my daughter and her husband moved to Florida and she wants me to move there even part time maybe next year when they buy a home and start a family. I have mentioned this to my bf and he has said he consider living there a few months a year during the cold weather.
Do I tell him I cannot sell my home at this time b/c I'm just not ready and if he wants to continue our relationship, he needs to come to my home every few weekends? I don't want to take a risk in losing him but I need to be true to myself. Is he being selfish if he doesn't agree?
When it comes down to it, the answer is quite simple. Only do, what you are comfortable doing. The fact that you are hesitant to sell your home, says it all to me.
It's not being selfish. It's having healthy boundaries. No one can demand more from you than you're prepared to give. Especially for the next year while you're still needing to go into work he shouldn't be putting such demands on you. It's not about moving too fast. It's about maybe expecting too much. Be clear with him about how much and what you're prepared to give, and stick to it.