I'm married. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing I do for them is good enough. I have loved them beyond my personal self care or self love they can't see the sacrifices. I am always wrong. They never admit when they are wrong yet tell me they always admit when they are wrong. They say they are always blamed yet they are always blaming me. They go out of there way to make sure I go without basic necessities including clothing, medication, drs, food yet they always buy themselves clothes, drugs, phones, even spending money on their friends when I'm without. They don't care when I'm sick. They make excuses when I try to touch them. They call me crazy, psycho, a cunt, bitch, make fun of my medical conditions, never believe anything I say or twist what I tell them, tell me I can't make it without them, tell me they are the best thing that's happened to me, that I can't make it without them, that I have a miserable life, ignores me all the time except yelling at me. So can someone tell me please and I crazy?
Are you in a poly relationship? Or just so paranoid about privacy that you can't call your significant other "he" or "she?"
Your spouse sounds abusive. Do you work, or did you agree to be a housewife without discussing how your spouse's earnings would be distributed? You're not crazy, but it sounds like there is an imbalance of power, for sure. Did you get married so you wouldn't have to hold a job? Is there any way you can get qualified to to some kind of work?
60 years ago, a lot of women stayed home while their husbands worked. Nothing wrong with that, so long as both partners had a clear understanding that this was not one person living off one another, or one person controlling the other. It was a division of labor - and each person understood and appreciated the other person's contribution. One contributed financially, one provided a stable home, and they both worked to support one another and any children that might come along.
I'm not sure how you end up without food: in addition to not working, are you also housebound? Your partner doesn't bring groceries home?
You're not crazy. You need to get out of this situation, whatever it is. Don't say you "can't" because if you'd never met your partner, where would you be? Where would you live? How would you be supporting yourself?