Getting married and know his family won't be happy
Myself and my fiance are getting married next year.
We are paying for it all ourselves as my father passed away 20yrs ago and I don't speak to my mother.
My partners family have already said they aren't putting any money towards it, they don't speak to me at all.
We are doing it all on a very tight budget of less than £2000 but I know there are going to be members of his family who are going to criticise our day due to his 2 sisters 1. Having their parents put some money into their weddings and 2. Both sisters married into money, so could have the big lavish wedding which we physically can't do and tbh don't want.
We believe it doesn't matter what it costs but what it means that's the main thing.
I know they will criticise our colour theme as we are doin it in memory of my late brother.
I have 4 bridesmaids, a good friend who is there for me no matter what plus her 2 girls and my granddaughter, I haven't asked partners daughter to b a bridesmaid as we don't get along. Partner understands this but I feel it will cause a rift!
We aren't having a posh reception venue, just a local sports bar.
We aren't having a sit down meal, we are having a finger buffet.
We will be decorating the hall ourselves.
I will be making our cake. Our neighbours have kindly offered their time and cars to take myself, my elder son, whose giving me away and our bridesmaids to the registry office, no posh cars just every day cars.
We won't have a photographer as we can't afford one.
I'm just so worried that our choices and budget won't be good enough for them all. I know it's our day but I'm worried one or more of them will cause a scene and ruin the day!
Are we in the wrong? Am I being selfish not wanting his daughter in the bridal party?
I know this is probably just the jitters and stress of planning a wedding but I want it to be a day of celebrating our love and not having people critisisng and putting us (mainly me) down and upsetting the day for the ones who are genuinely happy for us
Thank you for reading this and any helpful/supportive/conforting words would be appreciated
Just to add when we first got engaged all our children were to have major parts on the day.
Son 1 (27yrsold), giving me away
Son 2(25yrs old), a witness
Son 3 (23yrsold), a witness
Son 4(18yrs old), a (grown up) pageboy
Son 5(17yrsold), a (grown up) page boy
Son 6 (21 yrs old), best man (my partners son)
Daughter (19yrs old), bridesmaid (partners daughter)
Grandson (9yrs old), page boy
Granddaughter(7yrs old), flower girl
Son 4 partner (18yrs old), (grown up) pageboy
As partners children don't like us together and actually hate me (they have actually said this to me and my partner) I feel they shouldnt have the privilege and my partner agrees but it will be all my family, and friends, doing the important parts
Grown up people who have children and grandchildren would appear **very** entitled to be complaining that their parents (people in their sixties and seventies) aren't paying for a wedding reception.
Your reception sounds fine. You don't say exactly why the partner's family isn't on board. Did he cheat on his wife? Is he marrying "too soon" after being widowed?
Your grown offspring aren't babies. One would hope they could happily celebrate your new life without everyone having a title to cling to. One would hope you have the confidence to marry without pretending you're a virgin marrying her first love. By the way: the reason fathers paid for weddings and sometimes a dowry was this: An unmarried woman still living in her daddy's home could still (!) get pregnant, and living under his roof the financial burden would be his. This would come at a time when he would be getting old and infirm. That's why a woman was *ceremonially* given away- she was a liability. Hopefully, you aren't.
Best wishes. Hopefully, you've given as much thought to a *marriage* as you have to fretting over a party.
Oldmainer, thank you for your reply!
Im not complaining about no one helping to pay, we are very happy to do it all ourselves, more complaining about how what we do won't be "good enough" in others eyes as such.
Long story short, his family just don't like me, was fine until we announced out engagement and then that was it. First thing out of his mother's mouth was "don't expect us to help pay for it!" Not "congratulations"
One sister has said how it must be on certain days (school holidays so her daughter doesn't miss college) and other things that would benefit her and her children more than us.
Due to both sisters having a posh ceremony and reception in posh venues and us having a sports bar and registry office I know they will criticise that!
My children are absolutely fine and happy that we are getting married, I left an abusive relationship 11yrs ago so they are happy I've found happiness and with someone who treats me right! His children on other hand aren't happy unless it's all about them and they benefit one way or other and the daughter actually had cheek to say she will b bridesmaid but only if she can wear a very short tight dress in colour she chooses as she doesn't like long dresses! To me, bridesmaids wear long flowing dresses. She has thrown many tantrums over the dress style and colour and then hasn't actually spoken to me or my children for past 2yrs!
My partners marriage to his childrens mother failed due to her having affairs from the start.
My partner and I both know what we want from the day but we both know that his family will ruin it one way or other and they will criticise literally everything from venues,colour scheme, food, dress, whose doin wot in the ceremony, every single thing won't be good enough for them. His family will stick together the whole time and not socialise with any of my family or any our friends just to be awkward. If we had a seating plan they would complain and move away if they were sat with someone they didn't know etc
Totally exhausted with it all, my partner just says we are doin what we want not what they want and if they don't like it then tough but I don't want that kind of atmosphere on our special day 😩
At my age (in my sixties) I would forego pageboys (especially ones old enough to wear long pants!) bridesmaids, junior bridesmaids flower girls, etc, because frankly it all sounds like "mutton dressed as lamb;" i.e: you trying to pretend you're a 20-year-old living out a "pretty, pretty princess" fantasy. But there are no wedding police, you can do as you please. People ARE entitled to their opinions about that sort of thing.
I also wouldn't have a color scheme or anything else to "honor a dead person." I think it's odd to invite people to a happy occasion and steep it in sadness. Again, it's your wedding. You may do as you wish. If people don't like where/when/how they don't have to come.
I used to work at a tux rental place. In came Mrs. Busybody who complained about an upcoming DIY wedding. The bride's mother was doing this, and her aunt was doing that. The grooms mother was taking care of something else, and his father was doing another thing. And the wedding was taking place now because the bride's stepfather was ill and she was close to him and didn't want to wait, because he might not live much longer. Mrs. Busybody's biggest complaint: there wasn't going to be any alcohol. And Mrs. Busybody was---wait for it---the bride's stepmother. That's right: The ONLY people not helping with the wedding: SHE AND HER HUSBAND.
Haters gonna hate. Move on.