Is he even interested in me?
About a year ago o found my partner obsessed with anal sex, watching it on porn sites discreetly. HE wanted me to try it and for the past 9 months or so I have, iv even tried anal toys etc but I still can't relax. The pain is agonising! And he belittles me saying I'm not a real women then and that there's no point in us being together if I can't pleasure his needs?
Anal sex is not required of you. If you don't like it, you don't, and you shouldn't agree to something you find agonizing.
You may break up over this, but that is preferable to painful sex you don't enjoy. There is a man out there who will respect your boundaries, and who would want to make intimacy pleasurable for you as well as fulfilling for himself. This guy isn't that man. Real women aren't required to endure pain so only their partners are satisfied.
I would have a word with him - and it would be, "Good-bye."
(Maybe his true problem is that he daren't find a real man.)
Anal sex is not for everyone.. you've tried it and didn't like it. Enough said.. don't force yourself to do something you don't like to do... even to the point of suffering just for someone else...