I'm not enough (AROACE)
hi,I'm asexual arospec and while I don't want sex I'm entirely comfortable wth allosexual friends.
some of them are hypersexual too, such as the one I'll be discussing...
She's a recovering porn addict and has frequent hookups, I'm always worried about her because she's exposing men who may have bad intentions to her actual home, not to mention the risk of STDs.
I told her about my concerns and she says she has no choice but to turn to strangers because "it's not like you can fuck me" and that there's just things I her other friends can't accomodate for...
and yeah...I really am not enough, even for friendships I can't even join in or relate to others. It makes me feel really isolated and unhelpful as a person and I'm not sure what I can do for my friends, I just feel useless.
You have no control over your friends, even when you are concerned about their safety: and it doesn't matter the topic. It could be finances, sex, an abusive romantic partner, drinking too much: it's still beyond your control.
I'm a little mystified that people haven't any sense of privacy about their own sex lives, but I guess that's another topic entirely. Sex is the only thing you and your friends can talk about? You don't watch movies, go to restaurants or farmers' markets, decorate your living spaces, engage in local civic affairs, have hobbies? It's an election year, for Heaven's sake, and none of your friends have any form of entertainment other than categorizing your psycho/social/sexual identities?
At any rate, if it makes you sad, uncomfortable, fearful for her, you don't have to discuss it. That can be your boundary. If I had a friend who was an alcoholic, I would not listen to her recount her latest drinking adventure where she blacked out and found out the next morning she danced on the tables and woke up with a stranger. If a friend of mine was cheating on his wife, I certainly wouldn't want to hear about his secret meetings with his new love and how he hid it from his wife. Not because I'm judging (I'm in no position to do that) but I don't want to listen to someone describe her own dangerous activities, or listen to how a friend is being cheated on. Really, what does your friend want YOU to do? Say, "Gee that sounds fun!"?
There's nothing wrong with YOU. It sounds like your friends' only interest is their sex lives - I suppose to those newly sexual, that's compelling. As one matures, one realizes there are other things for friends to talk about.
She's probably average looking but she always gets hookups.
Note all posters:
This is an internationally accessible-to-all forum, including kids. If you really can't abstain from expleting, especially in your opening post, please at least use asterisks.