Should I go for it?
MRSPEANUTBUTTTER - Nov 8 2022 at 21:12
Before I begin,if you have read this, it's because I have posted this on another forum so I can get more feedback from it. Please be kind and think about the real people this is effecting. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Background, my friend Tulip F24 and I F19 met this year in cosmetology (cos) school. Became friends, met her family and her boyfriend (John M24). Eventually, I started befriending her boyfriend. We followed each other on instagram, exchanged numbers, and the traditional course of friendship. The 3 of us would hang out often.
Towards the end of our cos program, my friend got a job in a different town, hours away and she would stay there for three months. I also started a demanding job. Neither of us had time to visit and I seldom heard from her. I would text her and didn’t get a response many times. The times she was able to visit, I got to see her twice. It was through her boyfriend reaching out and asking me to hang out while she was in town, because of that I didn’t feel like we were friends anymore.
While she’s away, her boyfriend and I started a friendship. Between the 3 of us, we don’t have many friends so him and I started hanging out because we were both close to Tulip and figured we can be friends because of that. We texted often, sent memes, music, movie recs, problems, and how to cope. We had a deep and open friendship. We would make plans and invite each other out. I began to crush, he was so kind to me, he always reached out, he wanted the best for me and made sure I knew that. Over time, I started finding him attractive. He mentioned it was mutual. It was a little strange because he was my friend's boyfriend but I couldn’t help but feel good. When Tulip came to visit, I told her about my crush but that I wouldn't do anything about it because of their relationship. She said it happens and she understands.
About a month ago, he ends up confessing that he loves me and could see himself being intimate with me but that he wasn’t going to break up with Tulip. At first, I was trying not to make a big deal of it, laughing about it but I’m thinking, I have feelings for him and now it’s reciprocated. After thinking and talking to peers, I told him I need some space from him because I also have feelings for him and I don’t know if I can handle seeing him and Tulip together. He took this hard. He ended up telling Tulip about his feelings for me, (she was out of state for work) and it predictably, killed her. He ended up going away for a week and couldn't contact me, only Tulip and close family. He and Tulip were going through a lot in their relationship and I tried my best to stay out of it but John kept telling me he wants me in his life. Tulip told him that he can’t speak to me and John told her he doesn’t know if wants to be with her anymore. Tulip gives me a call and it went well and says she wants me to stay John's friend so that they can stay together. I again, told her I need space from them before I can continue our friendship. Once John got back, I agreed to meet with him once so he can get some clarity, he told me he’s unsure what to do and I told him that I will support him from afar but I can’t do anything else until he decides what’s right for him.
They were going back and forth between making it work and possibly breaking up for weeks. Talking about it again and again until ultimately, John decided to break it off. He sent me an email that they broke up for many reasons and said that he wants to try with me. I told him I would love to but we need some space for a bit so we don’t rush into it and we don’t make same mistakes.
Sidenote - I didn’t know where to fit it but John and I where never sexually intimate with each other.
Ultimately, should I go for it? Would I be making a mistake? If you have any questions I will answer the best way that I can.
"About a month ago, he ends up confessing that he loves me and could see himself being intimate with me but that he wasn’t going to break up with Tulip."
Translation: I'd love to go to bed with you. When you want more than sack time, I'll remind you I was honest with you and told you I wasn't going to break up with Tulip. But I'd love to use you for booty calls."
He's a player. Walk away. This is messy, really messy. I don't see you moving forward with the boy (not a man, by MY definition) and retaining your friendship with Tulip.