CONCRETE HANDS - Nov 30 2022 at 08:56
Just been dumped by girlfriend, now she is saying I am irrational and never wants to see or speak to me again. She is the one who monkey branched back to her ex 3 days after we broke up yet it feels like I am in the wrong, is this just her way to make the break my fault
Hi Concrete Hands, so sorry for the wait, respondents for some reason are very thin on the ground, lately. I'll be posting tomorrow so I'll see to you as well if no-one has meantime responded. But just quickly: that behaviour of hers - getting with someone else or an ex especially, FAR too soon after the break-up, plus blaming you for it ("cuckoo!") does smack of Narcissistic behaviour.
Do me a favour, then, while you're waiting: tell me what other bad attitudes, behaviours and words she displayed during the relationship? Go into as much detail and as lengthily as you like, the more data, the better, in fact.
PS: Here you go, while you're waiting: you should find this extract (varous ways on how NPDs end relationships) vaidating and comforting:
"3. Make You Jealous
In an attempt to “get even,” people with NPD will often try to make their previous partners jealous. They may find a new partner almost immediately and post pictures and sappy messages about them all over social media.
Their goal in doing this is multi-layered: they want you to feel as if they’ve moved on and they’re happier without you; they also want you to question your motives and second guess why you chose to end the relationship; they want to create the notion that they never cared about you in the first place.
Unfortunately, jealousy can be effective. It can trigger feelings of insecurity and uncertainty and make you feel like you need to compete, which can cause you to focus on seeking revenge, rather than moving on and recovering from the narcissistic abuse."
Re the second para: They'll leap instaly into another, strangely seemingly already Steady, serious relationship (- usually this unsuspecting new partner has, unbeknown to you, been around and kept warm-on-the-side for months or even years, hence how the Narc can present herself as "already in-love again"), REGARDLESS OF WHO ENDED IT OR WHY. It's simply that their ego gets a huge kick out of knowing you're heartbroken and suffering over them (despite they don't feel the same and never did) ("cuckoo!" again).
Think about it... If within only a few days of a break-up you somehow (SOMEHOW!) felt capable of falling pretty instantly for someone new, you'd be so ashamed of the fact and what that behaviour said about you, that the LAST thing you'd do is let your ex get wind of it! You'd keep it very quiet and for a decent period.
They do it deliberately.
(However, you can't conclude they're narcisssitic as a default or actually NPD unless they displayed a number of characteristic/symptomic behaviours as a pervasive pattern over a sustained enough period (excluding the initial Honeymoon Period /narc version is called, Love-Bombing.)
PS: forgot to ask you to include what the break-up was (allegedly) over, plus your ages, what it was like at the start, and the length of relationship (fauxlationship).
Anyway, more tomorrow. And - sincere commiserations.
ConcreteHands, are you still there?
Whatever goes on bloke, her actions are doing the talking & she's showing you who she is & where she gets her kicks. You're better off without her and it's best to be a man & walk away with your chin up. Make sure you block & cancel her & don't let her back into your life because if you think it's miserable now, it'll be ten times ten if she comes back.
Manalone! Great to have you back again! How the devil are ya? How are things in Aus?