Need a bit of advice
Bit of a big story hopefully this will make sense
Guy I’m talking about is my ex was with him for about a month originally went out with him as his mum and mine are good friends and met through them, I’m a shy person so can take a minute to warm up to someone, and having no friends and no social life I can be a bit awkward but once I get to know you I can be myself
he expected me to be friends with his friends and act like I’ve know them for years when I’ve literally met them 5 minutes ago, he kept trying to make a move on me when I said no want to take it slow constantly expected me to eat out every night at a restaurant at like 9pm when I’m shattered from work just want to go home and eat something light and get in bed, wouldn’t give me like 5 minutes to myself kept telling him all this and he wouldn’t listen, never really felt I could be myself but thought it’s because I was 19 and just nervous and never been in a relationship before,
then found out he was using me as a rebound so broke up with him and stayed as friends
Fast forward 4 years later I’ve gotten more confident not 100% as still got no friends so still anti social but can talk to others better and not so shy
he had multiple relationships none lasting long, he again says he want to see me again and likes me more then friends always have, so I decided to give him another chance but met up again and literally first date tried being intimate with me so had to tell him again we’re taking it slow if we plan to go out again as I’m not rushing In to things which he listened to but again I don’t feel completely comfortable around him which I put down to my nerves again
He constantly saying want to see me more but multiple times after that he forgetting I’m supposed to meet up with him after we both finished work and multiple times I’ve waited for his message to let me know when he back what time to go etc but got nothing and no message off him till the next day and its just saying hi how are you, so I’m wasting most the night when I could be getting other stuff done.
There was one day I got stuck at work due to a supervisor not turning up to take over so I couldn’t leave and had to stay an extra 5 hours at work until night manager turned up as couldn’t leave with no supervisor in the shop so had to tell him I’ll have to go the next night so made plans for that and come the next night I’m waiting for him to text to let me know he back and later on he send me a video of his mate and him at his on snap, which I don’t mind him hanging with his mates but he could let me know so I’m not wasting another night waiting for him, I messaged saying ‘you busy tonight’ , he replied with ‘yeah I am a little but I still want to see you though’ so I said I can come the next night as I work 5 days a week from 7am in morning and I’m up at 4 everyone morning as got to see to my horses, so can’t be out too late as got get back home as he like half hour away from me if there’s traffic can take longer, I was thinking he probably had plans with his mate before hand and forgot, he read the message but got no reply from him then few hours later he sending me snaps of him with his mate again then the next day I text him ‘morning, still want me to come tonight’ , he reply’s 3 hours later with ‘hey how you’ no reply to my question and then he moaning saying we ain’t seeing each other when he ain’t even trying to,
He also asking me to be more open, speak to his friends again etc again he trying to change who I am
last time we broke up he was blaming it on the fact I was 19 and too young when I knew he was using me as a rebound from his last relationship at the time, I feel he thinks I’m stupid
This time round he said he wants to settle down get serious with someone and needs a housewife and that someone is me but I’m not someone that will stay at home all day and cook clean etc, I feel he just using me again because I’m someone that’s independent and can look after my self from cooking to cleaning etc, i have my own pick up, own 2 horses and 2 dogs, got my own home and got a job which is hard work but ive worked for everything I have and I’m happy
I don’t know what to do because I still feel uncomfortable around him and don’t feel like I can be myself because he wants me to be someone I’m technically not, and he not really making any effort on his side like he expecting me to go to him all the time and he ain’t coming to me, he ignores half my questions and doesn’t reply to them and changes subject, his mum my mams friend said he no good for me he a rogue and she doesn’t want me to get hurt and I don’t want to get hurt
Sorry for huge story but needed to get that off my chest
Should I tell him let’s just stay as friends or should I try make it work?
Well, since you asked...I wouldn't try to make it work.
I don't see that you have anything in common. You mention no common interests, even. You want a whole different lifestyle. I'm figuring horses and even the dogs need care on a regular schedule; they're not like, say, a reptile that needs feeding once every three days. (Before some reptile owner comes after me, yes, I watch "Snake Discovery" and I know it's more complicated than that!) He doesn't make time for you, he wants you to blend seamlessly into his life and is not at all interested in your life, he doesn't respect your boundary as far as sex goes, who needs any of that?
He seems terribly self-absorbed: "needs a housewife?" Nope, nope, nope. I don't think anybody should marry anybody who hasn't taken care of him/herself for a while: cleaned up one's own living space, maintained a car, (I don't mean changing the oil or replacing the brake pads him- or herself, but taking the car in for regular maintenance so s/he's not always bumming rides from friends) budgeted his or her own money, learned how to hold a job, figured out how to get to and home from work, follow a recipe to make a meal, this is all basic stuff.
Someone who wants a housewife to take care of all those details (without understanding what's involved) is on par with someone who wants to BE a house spouse, but hasn't deciphered all that goes into someone else making a living that allows him or her TO stay home. It won't be easy.
You have a home and two horses and dogs. Does he have a home (house, condo or co-op?) How is his employment situation? Does he even make enough to support two people? What about children, does he want any? Do you? Does he even care what your feelings are about that?
More important than common interests are common moral codes. Interests change, morality doesn't so much. You take care of yourself. He wants someone to take care of him. You're considerate. He isn't.
I wouldn't try to be his friend, either. He doesn't sound very nice, or very interesting.
You both have no common interest. You feel it will not work for longer.
You want to work, and he wants a housewife. What he is doing and his financial situation also matter.
You should not marry him because he claims to be serious but his actions do not reflect this.
If you feel like you could avoid him, then he is not for you.
He's as considerate as a ruddy avalanche!
And his attitudes are shockingly outdated.
And he's playing games with you (as well as testing your boundaries), trying to "treat her mean to keep her keen", so that you'll finally jump into bed with him before you're ready, as well as let him fast-track the entire relationship (he's not qualified to be anyone's boyfriend, by the sounds).
Are you SURE it was a second chance AT MAKING IT WORK?....OR...do you think maybe, subconsciously, you thought you were in better shape for going back into the Lion's den to try to work out what's WRONG with him?
He's got no manners, no etiquette, no gentlemanliness, no respect for YOU, is immature, despotic and a silly little game player. I think when he says Housewife, he means SECRET MUM.
When's the wedding? (Hahaha, sorry, just joking.)
I know his type. No, he doesn't think you're stupid, he either thinks you're as stupid as HIM (diff/all the diff) or thinks you're kind and understanding, equals (in his head), will tolerate endless sh*t treatment. He hasn't got the brains to know you're intelligent. (Hope that helps put that itch to rest.)