My husband had his prostrate removed 5 years ago. Sex as changed a lot as I no longer feel him in me. He as to use a pump device to get it ready for sex which can take about 10 minutes when he gets on me. I’m normally on top of him when he doesn’t use his device and I can only feel abit when he comes otherwise I feel nothing. I don’t get much pleasure at all.
I can only get a orgasm when he gives me oral which is only every now and then. I have said he is selfish sometimes because I get on him a lot and he knows I can’t come that way and he doesn’t think about me not getting my pleasure. I’ve told him he’s all take and not a giver like me.
It as caused some arguments and even thou the doctor as given him some injections to use which will give him abit of a erection he hardly uses them. He says it’s getting into the habit of it but I think it’s more that he’s thinking I will just jump on him and get his pleasure because it’s so easy and he doesn’t have to bother getting it ready,
"My husband had his prostrate removed 5 years ago. Sex as changed a lot as I no longer feel him in me"
And having to go through that pump malarchy can't exactly be sexy, either, can it.
His failure to reciprocate enough, orally, however, is a different matter. And yes, it is selfish. It's known as, not finishing you off (after he gets off). It's considred VERY BAD bedroom etiquette. Especially as you say he DOES hold the power to make things acceptable for you, courtesy of these injections the doctor gave him.
Do you suppose he was always a selfish lover, and simply that this new, negative development has merely brought it into sharp relief to where you can neither ignore nor keep tolerating it?
I think one solution is try, you've already mentioned: STOP jumping on him. Make him HAVE TO use the injections. Make that your condition. But 'said' purely in actions.
I mean - what's he going to do if you do?
After all - by his refusal to cooperate, he leaves you no choice. IF he wants sex?
(Somebody doesn't know they hold their own share of power, eh. ;) )
If that doesn't work (despite you've been consistent in refusing "unless"), then, were it me.... Couples Counselling Time.
Short version: play Hard-To-Get And while you're at it, maybe buy yourself a Rabbit?...give him something to have to compete with?
But tbh, his complacency to point of selfishness is the real issue here.