Am i (33m) just an emotional support blanket for my girlfriend (44f)
OHPSM - Jan 18 2023 at 21:35
so we have been together for over two months (roughly about two months and two weeks) and after the first month I started to notice strange things which didn't make any sense to me. since the relationship started (which i must point out she started it all off by asking for my number and also when i asked her "so what are we doing what are we" to her replying "i would like to think we are a couple").
There has been no honeymoon period at all, you would think that even as adults there would be a honeymoon period but in the two months we have been together i have only ever seen her collectively about a week, i always make the plans to spend time with her and when i do make plans she has cancelled at the last minute more times than i would like to admit, we have multiple days off work on the same day and when it comes to those mutual days nothing happens (i stopped making plans to spend time together to see if she would make any) we don't hold hands unless i go to grab her hand we rarely kiss and cuddle when we are together and when i go around i always have to go to her there is no her coming to come to me unless we go into town because she has something to do there (nails, hair, shopping etc).
There has been multiple times i have helped her pay for gas and electric as she says she is running low and doesn't have any money only for me to find out that she does, most recently i was told she had no money to pay the bailiffs about £40 and buy food at the same time so i offered to pay for £40 food shopping but cant pay for the bailiffs aswell, she was grateful and managed to what she said was find the £40 for the bailiffs i went around the next day after doing the food shopping to her showing me on her phone (mobile banking) that she had £100 in savings on top of the £40 she paid for the bailiffs.
I have spoken to her about this the first time we were in bed about to go to sleep i told her that im finding the relationship quite difficult and there is a lot of push and pull coming from her but mostly push to which she replied with "ill be worth it in the end" and the second time we spoke (that was 9th of jan when i spoke to her about it) we went for a coffee and i told her exactly how i felt and what lead me to start feeling like i'm an emotional support blanket to which she started crying when i told her and she said she would work on trying harder and work on her self more, but since we talked you would think that something would change for the better but since that day things have only gotten worse she barley messages anymore nothing would stop her from messaging before we talked and i mean nothing but now there is always something like im watching a tv program or im busy doing something and when she does reply its minimal, since that day we have had multiple days off at the same time to which she hasn't asked or made any plans to see each other.
I genuinely don't know what to do anymore about it because no matter if i try to talk to her nothing changes and i am not happy in a brand new relationship any advice is welcome and thank you for reading my dribble sorry for any bad punctuation or spelling.
From what you've posted, yes, it sounds like you're being used. It's not clear for exactly what, but it looks like money.
She's not treating you very well, and seems to be unable to budget her money. She either can't or doesn't want to spend much time with you. It could be anything: maybe there's someone else, maybe she's just immature and doesn't care about other folks' feelings. Maybe there's stuff going on in her life and developing a relationship isn't a priority.
You have a right to set boundaries (boundaries are for ourselves, not others). You have a right to say to yourself, "I deserve more than this." Of course, that means leaving this woman behind and pursuing other women, some who may be receptive, some may not.
You know what I **wouldn't** do, at this point? Sit down and talk to her to try to 'save the relationship.' She's not acting like a person in a relationship. I've seen this behavior up close and personal. Whenever I tried to talk to "Dave" about ghosting on me and what path we were on, he assured me he was on board and wanted to pursue a relationship. Then he'd disappear for days or weeks.
I didn't create drama or anything, I just stopped contacting him. I stopped *trying so hard.* Maybe I wasn't what he was looking for, and he just couldn't think of a diplomatic way to say it. So whenever I wanted to talk about what was going on, he was embarrassed and felt cornered.
I will say it's kind of weird she asked for your number, and then sort of lost interest.