Should I stay or should I go?
SOMEONEYOUDONTKNOW - Mar 1 2023 at 07:42
I feel like a teenager again but sometimes we just need a none biased opinion.
I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, we very rarely argue and things are good generally! There are just some things that are bothering me, we see each other every weekend I travel to his and stay with him and its 2 hours from where I live. His place is pretty dirty, we've spoken about it a couple of times and it usually ends up in some passive aggressive comments about me not loving him for who he is etc. when really I'm just concerned if we live together I'll be picking up after him which he says won't be the case. He also cuts his family off a lot if they cause him a minor inconvenience and won't communicate with them for months on end with no remorse for their feelings.
There's more too it, what it comes down to is when we are apart I wonder if I'm happy and when we are together I'm thinking 'he's nice and he's good to me, why would I change that?' but sometimes I feel like I'm just accepting the bare minimum. Will there be any one else and what if I make a bad decision, especially when he loves me so much and it would break him. Am I self sabotaging...
I know that's not much to go off but I'd love to hear some thoughts.
"He also cuts his family off a lot if they cause him a minor inconvenience and won't communicate with them for months on end with no remorse for their feelings"- can you elaborate on this sentence (examples, perhaps)? I think that elaborating on this will give me some understanding of your boyfriend.
He has a dirty apartment, and it makes you uncomfortable, and he doesn't care.
He cuts off his family for months at a time and hurts them, and he doesn't care.
You travel four hours round trip every other weekend to see him, and he makes zero effort to reciprocate. (This should tell you a lot about his character. Would there even be a relationship if you didn't do all the travel? Does he at least pay for the bus/fuel?)
ANd if you leave, it would *break him*? You haven't described a sensitive person, hon. He would be lonely for a while, and disappointed that he'd have to get a new woman accustomed to his insensitivity and slovenliness, but break him? Nope, nope, nope. If he loved you, he'd make an effort on making you more comfortable. But clearly, he doesn't make much of an effort for anyone.
The dirt doesn't bother him. It bothers YOU, so you will be picking up after him..
He may be the sexiest man alive, but I'm getting the idea that this isn't how you would want to live. This isn't the bare minimum, i've read and heard worse, but someone out there will respect you more, I have no doubt.
I LOVE your reply, Oldmainer. I was feeling quite low today, but reading your reply brought the first smile of the day to my face (and it's already 5:14 pm here)!
SomeoneYouDon'tKnow, you wrote: "he loves me so much"- I wonder what "loves me so much" means: is it that he said these words to you (I-love-you-so-much), and/ or is it that he enjoys you sexually? Or is it that he is nicer to you than other people who are mean..? Or is it something else?
What constitutes love-me-so-much... ?
(OM - that was perfect! "Mwa!")