Someone I feel has there foot in the door with my GF. What do I do?
BLACK EYES - Mar 19 2023 at 01:49
Hi every im new to this, but feelings distracted with my circumstance, please be honest to help me what’s the morally right thing to do.
Do I have been with my girlfriend now for almost two years and she is the love of my life.
We unfortunately split up for a few months, then got together to try again. We have been communicated but have a road block on two subjects which may make me look like I’m controlling, I’m not as I have never forced her to do anything she hasn’t wanted too.
So we have been back together for a month, if anything the love has intensified, we both agree we love each other too much to let this go.
Before the split, a customer ( call him Addi) which was a manager for a hotel, which he would bring in item of clothing or bed sheets etc etc to pay my girlfriends to clean dry and drop off (she owns a laundry lounge) business) over the summer I noticed that he started to show up quite a bit more but not to do business but to chat. I felt o little strange about this but it wasn’t a problem that became a issue for me.. this turned into a friendship of some sort in her words, Which is is fine as long as there no intent is (my point of view)
When we had the break from each my partner told me they had gone to cinema together and also a Xmas party, again we wasn’t actually seeing each other, and we both where hurt and I would of expected to seek comfort where someone can listen and advise.
We are back together now, but I unsure why she doesn’t see his intent towards her.
He now is her boss after sacked the guy to give her the role, and the role of supervisor, so they will be close most of the day. The real red flag for me is that he has now rented the flat above her business where is works 8-10 hours a day. Does anyone feel this is strange and should I be concern. Maybe it’s just me, maybe I should man up and believe there is no intent from him. Why would someone take these steps for someone?
We have communicated this subject which I admit was approached with caution.. anyway when raised, her response that I don’t think he any intent, but you should trust me as I’m not that way and trust my judgement.
So please give me your honest opinion.
Please note that I can’t request him to move out or for her to not work which is two days a-week at the hotel with him. The remaining time she works out a laundry lounge (her business) where no now he has moved in………..
It doesn't look good, does it? What kind of character doesn your girlfriend have?
Look, if you've given it your best shot- and she bails out on you, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Being in a relationship takes TWO people. He may very well be inclined to sweep her off her feet, but she would have to AGREE. If the subjects where you exert 'control' annoy her enough, she may decide this man suits her better. Your relationtship only went two years before you decided to separate. That's not a really long time. You've gotten back together, but perhaps it wasn't meant to last forever. This is what dating is for: to see how well you'd be suited for long term.
You're not dating "Addi." His character is not your business. If your girlfriend is not committed to a relationship *with you* then Addi is not the issue. There will be other men who will be interested, maybe flirt. If she is not committed, then even if Addi doesn't succeed, some other man might.
All you can do is express how much you care for her, and work on whatever "control" issues you've tried to minimise by opining you've 'never made her do anything she didn't want to.' She may have agreed to something just to make you stop nagging/ hectoring/ whatever. (Interesting you didn't specify the issues)
Present your very best self to her, and ask her to be honest about whether she sees a long term future with you. That's all you can do. In the area of romance, that's all ANY of us can do.
Oldmainer thank you very much, this makes sense and appreciate your view and input. I will give my very best, and that is all I can do.
Thank you ❤️