In Love with my Best Friend
I’m deeply in love with my best friend. The problem is, we’re both married, and to make it even more complicated, we’re both women. Sometimes I think she feels the same way, sometimes I think she doesn’t. She’s always on my mind.
Our hugs are extra long, there sometimes is this awkwardness in the air, and she’s held my hand a couple of times. We have great chemistry. Lately I have been feeling like I should say something, but I am scared it will ruin our friendship. We’re both unhappy in our marriages and have even talked about that.
Should I share my feelings, or keep going along, secretly suffering but still having her as a good friend?
Firstly you should talk to your partner about the unhappiness that you are feeling. Sometimes when we are in unhappy relationships we tend to develop our feelings quickly to someone who treat us better and sometimes those feelings might be not real, like we are seeing everything foggy or simply just trying to run away.
So my first advice is communicate your feelings with your partner before going to another person.
Sorry, my english is not my first language.
I agree with Nacha. Here's why:
There's an old saying: It's easy to love someone you don't live with and it's hard to live with someone you love.
When we're living with someone, little things start to add up. We have disagreements with the people we live with; someone doesn't step up when it's his turn to do househod chores, someone has dirty clothes that end up on the floor instead of in the hamper, there are disagrements about money/children/investments/home improvements/vacation plans/in-laws - you get the idea. We don't have those issues with our friends.
I think your first step should be talking with your partner and seeing if there is enough companionship/love/partnership there to continue working on your relationship. If there is, fine. If not, go your separate ways and hopefully find happiness elsewhere.
"But ----what if only one of us leaves a partner?" Then I guess you won't be with this particular friend. That's the risk we take if we end a relationship.
Just playing Devil's Advocate (based on a suspicion of what's really going on here, given that you (and bessie) must have TRIED talking to your husband by now, surely?, meaning, but it failed?)
It's natural to feel as if you've fallen in-love with (Hi! btw) someone when twhat they actually are, is a co-victim thus make you feel safe AND cared-for (for the first time in ages). A lot of it is relief. It's like if a consultant-surgeon saves your life: they can even be what normally you'd find ugly as sin but to you, while in that state, they're the most gorgeous person in the world ...and you feel like you've fallen deeply in-love with them.
You've bonded deeply and quickly to the only other victim you know...in the same boat as you.
And you're mistaking this 'suffering' as pining for HER (all of her) when, don't forget, you're in the middle of grieving for your (obviously disappointing or even intolerable?) marriage. Same for her.
You have to wait - in case you BOTH ruin what is a vital friendship right now. You need each other too much to risk it for a biscuit.