I am newbie here. My situation is I have dated and , we lived together. Most of all he cared and love my child too.
He was married before but the woman w/ out legal documents in the U.S. According to him she left and go back to her country due to family emergency but she cannot comeback to the US for so many reasons theirs a time period against U.SCIS towards her.
That was the reason that they were divorce. Before that, I asked him if he visited to his ex-wife country and he replied no. No big deal okay. One day I was being curious I checked his passport theres stamped or proved that he visited. So I found out that he lied, So I analyze the situation. I tried not to put some negative . First he either tipsy when i asked him or didn't understand my question. I tried to ignore but is not gonna changed the fact that he lied.
I've been searching online and pay small fees to see if i can find his married record or divorce record but I have no luck. I know his married date but it didn't show online.
please share your idea.
Hi Scream, welcome to the forum :)
Why hasn't it occurred to you just to tell him this?
Trust me - feeling the need to look for proof (his lie obviously ring true to you), is NOTHING compared to lying about something that big - if that's what's stopping you?
A lie is not automatically a bad thing. It's the intention and aim BEHIND it. Sometimes, it's good to lie if telling the truth would needlessly upset someone. Let's see if we can establish his motive:
WHEN had he visited? Before you and he met? Before you moved-in together? Or since you moved-in?
(sorry - DIDN'T ring true to you)
It was before i meet him?
And the rest of my questions, please?
Sorry - question, singular.
But - would his visit have bothered you if he'd told you? Is it just the lie?
Could the visit have been to collect the last of his stuff or sign the Decree Absolut? Do you know when his divorce became official and whether that date seems to make sense of his final visit and its reason?
No, his visit doesn't bothered me. The thing bothering me, when i asked him if he did visited to his ex wife country and his answer was "No". When I checked his passport theirs a stamped that he visited. No his visit is not about divorce. Only i know the divorce was final on year 2020 other than that i have no info.
(Which do you prefer?)
You've said the divorce was finalised during 2020. But what date was the passport stamped?
Passport Was stamped 2yrs before 2020z
OH. Two years before they divorced!
Maybe, in that time before hbecoming your boyfriend, they'd had talks and decided he should come and sample HER country?...but he didn't like it and couldn't imagine building a life there (OR realised, either separately or from that unwillingness 'to follow her anywhere', that he didn't love her enough?)
Hmm. He knows you know they didn't CHOOSE to be separated, right? Presumably, he's not an idiot...can work out that that information could be threatening to your sense of security with him.
Also...maybe it was her plan for all he knew? Or BECAME her plan? I mean, if you REALLY wanted to stay in his country, wouldn't you CHECK what the law regarding re-entry were? Course you bloody would! You don't risk losing the love of your life!? So why didn't she check...or if it were a new policy that came into force once she was already away, why not keep her ear to the radio or Foreign Office website.
Why didn't HE....didn't he care enough by then?
Sorry, but that doesn't sound like the Love Of The Century to me. I don't suspect anything to be worried about. He might not have given you all the details because she'd been abusive to him, actually...and it took him a while to wake up to it...and now is ashamed of himself and unready to talk about it yet. Or he might feel guilty and ashamed for having married a woman he didn't genuinely love....perhaps because he was worried if what it said about him might have put you off?
The more important question is, however: Why haven't you dared tell him what you know? Can't you two talk about virtually anything and everything yet? How long have you been dating? When did you move in?
And when and how many years into your marriage/cohabitation did TOUR ex, your kid's father, dirtily cheat on you (or reveal he loved someone else)?
(Tsk - YOUR) (I hope your ex DIDN'T tour?! Yikes)
I do have plan to tell him /asked him about whats bothering me but i'm waiting the right time. Over 2yrs now.
My ex or child's father didn't cheat on me, it was just separate ways.
Over two years - noted, thanks.
Re your ex: just testing. But I can tell SOMEONE (or something?) from your past made you wobbly, which, naturally, is showing itself now that you've started passing through the typical relationship 'Gates of No Return' (if you see what I mean?).