Controliing or not?
Okay so I have been with my girlfriend for just about 7 years now, there have been many issues regarding trust on both sides of the relationship but none of them to my knowledge are involving cheating.
I do not drive myself due to a few reasons so she will be the one who runs errands and what not in exchange I offer her more things and treat her to stuff to show her that I am appreciative of her doing this. As of the past year id estimate 8/10 times she goes to do something or has to leave for what ever the reason may be, it ends up taking her an ridiculous amount of time to finish or do what ever it was that she should have been doing.
ie laundry: she takes it to a town over and is only about a 10-15 minute drive because she said its way cheaper there, now granted I understand we have alot of laundry at times and it can be lengthy but its begun taking her the better part of 5-6 hours to be back home from it and she usually does do a couple small errands while she is doing the laundry as well. there is only our laundry and yeah she does have a lot of clothes but i dont think it should be taking her that long when in all honesty I can have the same amount done and folded in under 2 maybe 3 tops but doubtful.
That is just one of them, but yes 8/10 times she leaves the house it takes well beyond normal amounts of time to do what it was she had said she was doing. When i ask about it she says that its things that are always out of her control and if i press further she begins to yell and it starts a fight. She tells me my asking whats taking her so long during these trips is controlling and I am the one she says is wrong for needing to know. I understand that things come up sometimes and you cant predict everything that may arise when you leave the house but come on, 8/10 times she leaves is a bit much.
Is it wrong to ask about your partners time out when it takes excessively long times to do stuff? is that considered controlling?
Ill admit there is definitely thoughts about her being with someone else and during our fights Ive let that come out but how could there not be when I never get any explanation when i ask her other then it was not due to her but rather someone else or something else and anything further from me i risk it turning into a fight (no matter how I approach it) so im left with just my thoughts on what she could be doing.
So i guess to sum that up, is it considered controlling to want to know what your partners plans are when they leave to do stuff?
Ahh, that's a tough one. Seven years is a long time to be together and loyalty is key in any relationship, so it's understandable that you're feeling worried. It sounds like you've had the conversation with your girlfriend, which is great, but unfortunately it's turned into a fight. It's totally fair to want to understand what your girl is up to and you're being really understanding by not pushing her for answers—just don't forget to communicate how you feel and keep it respectful. At the end of the day, nothing good comes out of fighting and trust is something you have to work on together. Keep talkin' it out and maybe try to look at it in a positive light, consider it a way to learn more about each other and strengthen your bond. You two know what works for ya'll better than anyone.
"8/10 times she leaves the house it takes well beyond normal amounts of time to do what it was she had said she was doing. When i ask about it she says that its things that are always out of her control and if i press further she begins to yell and it starts a fight. She tells me my asking whats taking her so long during these trips is controlling and I am the one she says is wrong for needing to know. I understand that things come up sometimes and you cant predict everything that may arise when you leave the house but come on, 8/10 times she leaves is a bit much."
(Cynical drawl:) Isn't it.
In fact, I'd say it was OTT.
You suspect she could be cheating, yes?
Me too. I see a very common pattern. Old Chestnut, in fact... Try to train your partner to feel they have no right to know what is behind any (usually painful or disturbing) partnership issue; if they press, make them feel unreasonable for the perfectly reasonable (and rational), and that they have none of their normal, marital/cohabitational/romantic right (when they so do). Start a fight and you have the perfect opportunity and excuse to ....go see your illicit lover? Take drugs? Gamble? Who knows. But it's clear she doesn't want you finding out.
Especially if, when you confront her about cheating, specifically - she AGAIN shows she doesn't want to go into it.
She's the controlling one.