I am 61 now and I realize my life is nothing. I have lived my whole trying to be the person everyone wanted me to be. I could not date a woman, not interested and did not want to live that lie. I just decided I was better off alone. Oh, I had dreams and so much I wanted to do with my life. I always wanted to have a good relationship with a nice man that cared about me. I tried one time and it was the wrong one, It ended after 3 years because he wanted to be a porn star and live that life. I did not want anything to do with that, it's not me.
I grew up on a family farm so I was a farmer starting in my early teens. I drove a tractor and worked in the field all day, every day. I had to keep how I felt buried deep in my soul because if the other men found out I don't know what would have happened. Well, in my 20's some did figure it out. When my father would leave they would start tormenting me, talking like they were gay and stuff like that. It hurt very much and drove me more inside of myself. In my teens I also worked for my bother in law cleaning up cars on his car lot. His uncle was very aggressive toward me sexually and scared me. He would unzip his pants and grab himself in my face, rub against me, tell me things he was going to do to me. I know it is wrong but I got to were I liked the attention from him. I was always afraid he was going to laugh at me and tell everyone. I have no clue what he would have done if I had said yes or returned his advances. I only stayed there a year but even after that during family gatherings he would whisper things in my ear. He was a very nice looking man.
In 87 I was so depressed with my life and how everything I was going I stole a bottle of my mom's sleeping pills and I was going to take all of them. I drove to a nice place where there is a 7 story cross and I was going to take them there. It was close to the 4th of july and I could see some fireworks going off in the distance. I couldn't do it and I left and put the pills back. I just learned to hide my depression and go one.
In the late 90's I broke down and told my oldest sister I Was gay. She started crying and yelling at me and left my home. I found out later that her and her husband wanted to have me committed. She had turned to someone she knew that was out. He called me and told me he got in her face and told her she was lucky I Was still alive. I never talked to her about anything personal again. I should have known better then to talk to her in the first place because she always picked everything I did to death. Nothing I did was ever good enough. She was the one married to the car dealer and the family had money. She expected me to be the way she wanted.
Jumping ahead past all of those years of nothing, I spent the last 17 with my two rescue dogs, both have passed away. I wanted to die after the first she was my everything. I just wanted to be at home with them all of the time. They accepted me for who I was and loved me.
The past month I have been working with a man on flipping a house. I still have a full time job and help him after work and on weekends, he works for me sister. He is really nice and someone I can kind of talk to. I think he knows I am gay but has not asked and I have not said anything. He kind of came on to me one time but has since backed off. He listens to a radio station that is named wilie 105 or something like that. He always said I love his willie or something along those lines. There is a lot of family drama with my sister, her husband and my nephews daughter, I will not get into all of that. I have found myself attracted to this man but not in a relationship way. He is married but it's not a good marriage. He has said many times that he likes working with me and he is glad I am helping him, he calls me his brother. He stops at my house every morning before he goes to work to talk. He texts me at night, he does not have anyone to talk to either. I get so scared that if I tell him anything he is going to either tell my sister or just stop talking to me. This is the first time in a long long time I have had someone I can talk to and I don't want to ruin things. I just realize now what I have had missing in my life all of these years of living alone. I know he would never be interested in me he is way to much of a he man.
Now that I look at how old I am I would like one last something before I call it a day. I don't want to die like this and take all of these feelings of things I have not done to the grave. It makes me so sad to feel this way. That is one reason why I would like to talk to him. I tell myself that maybe he is waiting on me to say something. Again I am not some psycho fatal attraction crazy person. I just want to have a nice experience with someone I trust and go on. Does that make any since to anyone. If I am crazy look at my life. I have lived it all trying to be the person everyone expected me to be. I was so scared my whole life. The ones that found out turned on me. Even at work I had to hear things once they figured something was off with me. One time a door was shut and one of the guys blurted out to
never shut the door with someone in the room likes sausages. sorry i guess i ran over.
Thanks for your patience. :)
"It ended after 3 years because he wanted to be a porn star and live that life. I did not want anything to do with that, it's not me. "
Ugh. I should think not. Especially as he wasn't even single! Or does that reveal his cunning (not-so-little) plan for still getting to be promiscuous?
"a family farm"
"When my father would leave"
"early teens. I drove a tractor"
"worked in the field all day, every day"
"father would leave"
"I got to were I liked the attention from ("a") him". (Fair calculation?)
"I only stayed there a year but even after that during family gatherings he would whisper things in my ear. He was a very nice looking man."
Was this your very first 'sexual' interaction with another (er) human being(ish)?
"In 87 I was so depressed with my life and how everything I was going I stole a bottle of my mom's sleeping pills and I was going to take all of them."
I'm not surprised.
" I found out later that her and her husband wanted to have me committed."
Blister, more like!
You, on the other hand, sound very nice.
So does the guy that "got in her face" with a lecture, for you. Are you and he friends still?
Here - Google this: "Rich sister always picks on everything I do" and "Nothing I do is ever good enough". See what you get.
"He listens to a radio station that is named wilie 105 or something like that. He always said I love his willie or something along those lines. There is a lot of family drama with my sister, her husband and my nephews daughter, I will not get into all of that. I have found myself attracted to this man but not in a relationship way. He is married but it's not a good marriage."
Bit like your (er) uncle(ish), eh.
Seeing it yet?
I'll pause there and let you respond to what I've dissected so far.
Bar this one, extra question: What or who made your Mum need sleeping-pills?
The guy was flown to SF and was in 3 porn movies. He had them played at parties. I am so glad I am away from that.
My sister and her husband wanted to have me committed for being gay. She thought someone talked me into it and I would never be like that. I was 36. I had been alone my whole life up to that point, she thought I was just picky.
No the guy that got in her face moved to Texas with his new boyfriend. He is a realtor and wanted to go where the money is.
I have actually gotten very close with the guy that says "you like my willie". We had a long talk over the weekend and I told him pretty much everything. He hugged me and said he was not going anywhere. I was stuck with him for life now.
My father drank a lot and would stop at the bar every night on his way home. He would get home around 3 am every night. She would go down there to drink but he would pick fights with people so she stopped going. She drank at home.
Hi! Be with you tomorrow, bear with...
The guy was flown to SF and was in 3 porn movies. He had them played at parties."
Good grief! What a sleazy bloke! God, he must have made you feel so incredibly uncomfortable. Urrgh.
"I am so glad I am away from that. "
Oh - haha! Sorry, I'm not reading ahead.
"My sister and her husband wanted to have me committed for being gay."
Which century are they from again? (It was jolly decent of you to have had them preserved, I must say.)
Nay. THEY should be committed. To the nearest natural history museum!
WHO WOULD EVEN *THINK OF* TREATING THEIR OWN BROTHER LIKE THAT, FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S NOT NATURAL!
(Wait - is there some sort of pending inheritance involved?)
Well, anyway, by the sounds of it - you've been surrounded by psychologically iffy people for too long. Fair comment?
"She thought someone talked me into it and I would never be like that."
Thought? I doubt she's capable. Spewing her brainwashing and indoctrination, maybe, but thinking?
What about FEELING? Doesn't appear she's capable of that, either, does it.
You didn't say: how long has this crazy woman that goes under the mere label of Sister, been in your face?
You DO REALISE she and her husband (i.e. obseqious lackey who goes along, for a 'quiet' life, I'll bet) are being abusive, don't you?
"I was 36. I had been alone my whole life up to that point, she thought I was just picky."
What is she - mentally retarded? Or just not interested enough to look and think more intensively. And trying to get YOU to give HER a wide berth. (Hurrah! - surely?) With her threat. (Good luck trying to get you or anyone committed for being gay - hah!)
"No the guy that got in her face moved to Texas with his new boyfriend. He is a realtor and wanted to go where the money is."
"I have actually gotten very close with the guy that says "you like my willie"."
So was he really just joking around when he said that, then?
"We had a long talk over the weekend and I told him pretty much everything. He hugged me and said he was not going anywhere. I was stuck with him for life now."
What was the hug like if you had to describe it in one word? Would you say brotherly....fatherly....or uncle-ly (minus the perviness bit)? Or 'just' new best bud?
"My father drank a lot and would stop at the bar every night on his way home."
Oh great. :( Say no more.
"He would get home around 3 am every night. She would go down there to drink but he would pick fights with people so she stopped going."
So his cunning little plan to get all the freedom to do what the hell he wanted, with whom he wanted, courtesy of being out of sight of your mum every night, worked, then.
I am NOT SURPRISED IN THE LEAST that you're looking for a dad-substitute. So the bloody hell would I be! Assuming (let's call him Willy) HE HIMSELF is a healthy one? Careful not to rush. Iffy people try to rush intimacy and that's how they 'sneak stuff - including their iffyness - through', under your radar, until you letting them do this/that/the other as a precedent 'somehow' has become a habit and expectation that you then cannot ever reverse on.
"She drank at home."
Husband and Father, my arse. Selfish, Greedy, Over-entitled Child In A Grown-Up's Suit.
It should help to know, however, that 'finding substitutes' (e.g. a too-all-intents fatherless man with an older, childless man) is becoming quite rife! :) And it makes sense. Plus you get to choose a normal, healthy, functional one. With a heart.
Well done though - you sound pretty unscathed, considering! :) Still got your high standards, I note?
Finally, this, reaching the stage where you think, I AIN'T AVIN' IT ANY MORE!, is where your understandably delayed 'life' starts to take off (once you've grieved him and your badly-programmed or programme-corrupted sister out). NO WORRIES. This is your looming light at the end of the tunnel.
When Bob told me had has sent his pictures to the movie director to see if he would suitable for porn out relationship ended. Well, it was very much over before that was the final nail in the coffin. Being with him was a struggle way before all of that. He was bipolar, and could not get on the correct medication. I could deal with some of his stuff knowing that but his porn addiction caused problems, he would stay up all night watching movies.
My sister would have rather had me locked up, out of sight out of mind. She has always had to keep up appearances and here I was some girly man that she would have to explain. My grandfathers brother was also gay, he was locked up at 20 for mental illness. My mom told he when he was 20 he was caught in bed with a 16 year old boy. He lived his entire live in an institution. But that was a very very long time ago when things were different.
I feel this connection with Joe that I have never felt with anyone. I feel like I could be with him 24/7. He loves for me to come see him when I am on lunch break. He stops at my house every morning before he goes to work and every evening before he goes home. I spend every weekend and vacation day helping him. Not sure about his willie yet. He keeps telling me he does not want to come between me and my family. He works for my sister and thinks she will hate him if this went any further. I told him I am not living my life in fear of them and what they think. To make things worse my sister is trying to find out what is going on between us.
My sister is very conniving and manipulative. The only two things that are important to her are money and my nephews daughter down the road. That is another long crazy story. My sister loves drama and has a house full of it as with the story below.
On july 4th she asked joe to spray weeds in her yard. I have to be by his side anytime he is over there. Her drunk husband is jealous of him. We had not been there 10 minutes when monte came outside and tried to start a fright. Joe does not like him so it did not take much. I had my arms around Joe trying to get him over in my yard while he was cussing and yelling at monte. monte is 71 and when he is drunk he thinks he is a big he man. Joe is a very strong man, he cuts trees for a living. He told me if he did not care about me so much I would not have stopped him from hurting monte. The fight was my sisters fault. She came outside and her and joe argued a little over a sprayer. Monte heard them so when she went in the garage door he came out the kitchen door. I really hate that man, there is a lot of history with him and my sister. I tolerate her because she is my sister but I am about fed up with her at this point. My youngest sister moved away a long time ago because of her, I should have followed her.
The only good thing that came out of moving here is Joe. He told me if I had not been here he does not know what he would do. I am the only person he can talk to and he trusts me. He texts me all night until he goes to bed and then in the morning when he gets up. I never thought I would meet someone like him. He wants me with him all of the time.
"When Bob told me had has sent his pictures to the movie director to see if he would suitable for porn out relationship ended. Well, it was very much over before that was the final nail in the coffin. Being with him was a struggle way before all of that. He was bipolar, and could not get on the correct medication. I could deal with some of his stuff knowing that but his porn addiction caused problems, he would stay up all night watching movies."
Heh-heh....What do you call a bloke with no arms and no legs, floating around in the ocean?
(...A man with no arms and no legs. We call that a Cripple, don't we? ;))
You did the right and healthy, decent, high-standard-ed, self-respecting thing. UNDER-FIRE. Your moral standards are Titanium. Either your mum somehow managed to still do a bloody good job with you or you make a wonderful, natural-born parent who raised and parented himself REALLY well. Or bit of both?
(What do (or did) you do as a job, out of interest?)
Back to Bob. BiPolar my arse. COULDN'T GET ON THE CORRECT MEDICATION, MY ARSE. It's (usually) because he was a Classic/so-called Benign, very Overt, egotistical, insensitive, attention/celebrity-seeking, Spoiled Baby Narcissist with characteristic Testosterone overload (plus only that one **talent for getting to somehow be "special".) Obviously, therefore, the meds for 'BiPolar' (Rapid-Cycling, was it?) DIDN'T/COULDN'T DO THE TRICK. (Maybe the assessing psychiatrist - IF THERE EVEN WAS ONE! - could tell Bob's sick and puny ego wouldn't have been able to take the truth...dunno - confirm Rapid Cycling?) Meanwhile, any Meds he did have were probably from off the back of a lorry and just for recreation.
(**Practise Makes Perfect)
(Relieved you didn't catch anything, EEEEE! - imagine!)
Sorry, but you don't have a sister. Your Dad's influence broke her, the 'her' she would and could have become, otherwise (isn't it so sad that she didn't have your strength to endure and withstand)......SITTER, maybe - on your head! A dead weight that threatens to cripple your neck (as in bravery - 'sticking your neck out') and backbone (as in straightness/naturalness and strength). And leave you crippled.
Your Dud was a typical Narcissistic Sociopath, btw (NPD + **AsPD - google - and know that antisocial used clinically, means, against societaland moral norms and rules of decency)...clear as day. I'll bet you any money you like that he picked fights because, always, some bloke did nothing but look at her for a beat too long or (neglected and sat on her own in a corner) offered to buy her a drink. (Looker? Or 'something about her'? And/or Rescuers who could spot an innocent victim at 10 paces? Whichever, your Mum JUST MAKING ANY FRIENDS/SUPPORTERS where she'd be likely to get healthy feedback and reality-checking ("That's not right - what a pig!") as would have given her back the confidence to start asserting herself and thereby upsetting his total power and dominance over her, would have been anathema to your Farter (sp intentional). Google something like "Narcissist Sociopath - Isolation Campaign".
(**To be anti-social, is to be against society; against rules, norms, laws, and acceptable behavior. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder tend to be charismatic, attractive, and very good at obtaining sympathy from others; for example, describing themselves as the victim of injustice.)
(They also have an hypnotic effects on their target-victim(s) - latest FACT.)
Antisocials possess a superficial charm, they can be thoughtful an dcunning and have an intuitive ability to rapidly observe and analyze others, determine their needs and preferences, and present it in a manner to facilitate manipulation and exploitation. They are able to harm and use other people in this manner, without remorse, guilt, shame, or regret.”
ALSO, I'd bet my house that the story (- they're highly convincing liars and storytellers -) HE would tell everyone in the bar, was that HE was the bullied and put-upon spouse, that secretly she was a b*tch/mad/toxic/druggie - whatever (classic ploy: Sociopathic Smear Campaign).
It was probably his chat-up line. Narc-Sociopaths (i.e. ego-led, hot-headed, trigger-happy, very short-sighted, thick as pig sh*t, Low-Functioning Psychopaths - the type that'll have punch-ups in public) characteristically try to pick up women - NOT through the usual-healthy Romantic Impressiveness Door, but via the Pity Ploy/Play (google)......."Pityyyy meeee, Mummmyyyyyyy, poor me-me-meee". They tap into women's Nurturer side...go through the Maternal Instincts Door (poor wickle bunny, let me love him better than 'that bullying b*tch' and heal him).
It used to be known as, "My wife (or husband) doesn't understaaaand meeeeeee (mew-mew)".
I had that ridiculous crud said to me, quite a few times in my dating days. Knowing what it signified, and being furious that I'd had my evening wasted by a cheating snake who somehow thought I'd like to be their ruddy accomplice in slow-murdering their poor spouse, my (very loud) answer before chucking my drink in their face and walking off (sometimes to applause lol), was always: Your spouse doesn't understand you? No, pal. Your problem is, they understand you all too well!
Probably how he picked up your Mum and tricked her into an 'irreversible' romantic attachment.
Sociopaths in particular, always, always, given any opportunity, cheat. But not just with one, desperate (thus gullible) person. They're known for feeling entitled to - at first, secretly, then manipulatively engineer themselves a secret Harem (aka girl in every port), whilst getting to keep (mentally incarcerate) "their Mummy" (yours, actually). Google Narcissistic Supply.
But that would have been why he couldn't risk her being there. (Seeing it now?....And his brother?)
Your mother was trying to self-medicate (don't blame her!). After all, you don't tend to pop prescribed medicines in a social group setting, do you. You take them when alone (giant Scooby Clue). He took his in a group setting. Recreational use (abuse - their Addiction On Legs) and a brilliant excuse the next morning (I woz blathered). PS: When nice, decent people get pissed, they get all silly, playful and lovey-dovey. Drink lets the demon out (by raising the portcullis). No demon? Same nice person, just magnified. Simple As.
After Sexual abuse (Soul-Rape) - Sibling Abuse is the worst (Mind-Rape). And the most swept under the carpet. (NOT FOR LONG, THOUGH!...they're going deeper into it as we speak :). )
You call her sister if you insist(er - haha), but I will be calling her Blister. I know her type. She is nothing LIKE a sister, and you know that. Her brain was broken then set in concrete that way. When that happens, you can't change/better yourself, you can't flex, you cannot change your ways, cannot keep up with intellectual advances and societal enlightenment-based change so spout outdated Misogyny/Misandry (whatever suits their agenda) and basically end up a nasty, scheming Dinosaur.
"would have rather had me locked up, out of sight out of mind."
Incredible. She should be in some institution, Christ!
"She has always had to keep up appearances and here I was some girly man"
GIRLY? How does that correlate with the Man bit? Should be Woman, shouldn't it?
Is that her phrase or yours?
"that she would have to explain."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! :D Awwwww...I coulda saved her the trouble:
'His-foot bone's con-nected to his...leg bone; his-leg bone's connected to his...knee bone (SING ALONG, BLISTER?!)..., his knee bone's connected to his...', hahahaha!
You've got to laugh, though, haven't you. I mean, talk about Fruit Loopy delusional? (Or Fruit Loopy due to the fact she's so desperate to fulfill her agenda, she doesn't mind representing herself as seriously disturbed?). Fow the huck are you supposed to you deal with *that*, eh?
You can't. So just try to give her as wide a berth as possible from now on and stay out of striking distance. Meanwhile: what goes around, comes around (it really does).
"My grandfathers brother was also gay, he was locked up at 20 for mental illness. My mom told he when he was 20 he was caught in bed with a 16 year old boy. He lived his entire live in an institution. But that was a very very long time ago when things were different."
Thank God! (Except, apparently/self-allegedly, for your Blister, who's still back there.)
Okay - changed my mind, going to call her Mrs Hyacinth Bucket (a snobby and pretentious British sitcom character, who insists it's pronounced 'Bouquet')...."What will people think, what will the neighbours say!?!"....all of that nonsense. Narcs are nicer, or nice only, to people OUTSIDE of the family than those or certain members in it and care only what THEY think of them (back-to-front attitude).
Yep, all the major symptoms you've unwittingly described so far - she's a Narc alright. Feel free to mourn the sister you got deprived of.
"I feel this connection with Joe that I have never felt with anyone."
"I feel like I could be with him 24/7."
NOT so excellent.
Feel like you could, by all means, but don't act on it. If 'you ain't getting rid of him, for-life' then there's absolutely no rush. Whether romantic or platonic, rushing as bad, as explained, no matter which party does it, and can spell premature death for even those relationships that could have been great. That's not to say you go to the other extreme - too slowly. Somewhere in the middle. Slow and steady wins this type of race, for-sure.
"He loves for me to come see him when I am on lunch break. He stops at my house every morning before he goes to work and every evening before he goes home. I spend every weekend and vacation day helping him."
Now, see - morning, noon and night - that's excessive. Unless it's just the standard novelty-factor and will calm down to a better pace.
Ensure that it does. Protect the budding Bromance. He's obviously as deliriously happy to have met someone he connects with as much as you are, BUT...You can't BOTH be up as far as on the Cloud 9 always at the same time or - who's steering the ship?
*Protect the budding Bromance* EXPLAIN what and why you're slowing it a little if he asks rather automatically slows his pace to keep in tandem with you, by all means (that's good communication and reassurance that nothing is wrong). But make sure ONE of you is steering the majority of the time.
"Not sure about his willie yet."
Sounds like the name for a 'toy' dog, actually, LOL.
"He keeps telling me he does not want to come between me and my family."
Tell him - NO, PLEASE DO!!! (Nah, only joking.)
"He works for my sister and thinks she will hate him if this went any further."
Oh, great. And he's right - she would.
"I told him I am not living my life in fear of them and what they think."
Yyyyuuuuuh? But it's not you whose job would be for the chop, is it.
Listen - leave her out of it, is my advice. Keep your precious friendship AWAY from that evil woman.
"To make things worse my sister is trying to find out what is going on between us."
Who the uck does she think she IS? Your mother? Even if he IS working for her - what he does in his private time is HIS private business.
OMG, I really dislike your Blister. YUCK. Or do I mean, Ya Vull!
"My (Blister) is very conniving and manipulative."
No sh*t, Sherlock!
She's a Narc. That's what they are and do.
Can you see how, just like your Dud managed with your Mum, your sister is trying to keep you isolated from people who would comfort, support and champion you...all the way to cutting her out like the cancer she is? That's what she doesn't want. Narcs are addicting to controlling as well as bullying people. Without you as a secret, exclusive, behind-closed-doors toilet to randomly puke her excess toxins into, the woman might puke in front of those she wants believing she's normal and impressive/"successful".... Plastic Fantastic. She needs you.
"The only two things that are important to her are money"
Tick! Narc main symptom, yup. Money and material objects ("ooh - latest shiny object, and everyone jealous of me!"). Incredibly greedy. But doesn't want to actually WORK for anything.
"and my nephews daughter down the road. That is another long crazy story. My sister loves drama and has a house full of it as with the story below."
Yup - addicted to drama - tick! So starts it and (if a Narc-Spath) enjoys sitting back and watching the chaos and discord unfold.
"On july 4th she asked joe to spray weeds in her yard."
Sorry - is he her gardener? Is that what you meant by works for her?
"I have to be by his side anytime he is over there. Her drunk husband is jealous of him."
Jealous of anyone who has anything they don't but want (like a constantly sunny disposition...or just being normal, yet thriving, without any need for manipulation...you name it). But what's his 'reason' - do you know?
"We had not been there 10 minutes when monte"
(Monte? That's a dog's name, isn't it??)
"came outside and tried to start a fright."
Oh, good grief. How tiresom they are. About what?
"Joe does not like him so it did not take much. I had my arms around Joe trying to get him over in my yard while he was cussing and yelling at monte. monte is 71 and when he is drunk he thinks he is a big he man."
Ok, I see it. Joe's a co-victim of yours. No wonder you're connecting so hard and fast. (Ok, proceed with LESS caution but still enough to protect things.)
Oh, look, though: Blister MARRIED HER DAD'!
You, meanwhile, I reckon, are looking for 'your Mum' (but with self-protection ability) - correct?
"Joe is a very strong man, he cuts trees for a living."
Physically, yeah. But you're the mentally strong one.
Good mix! Together you're the full package!
Monte picks on Joe because Joe guarantees to rise to the bait EVERY SINGLE TIME instead of ignoring him or walking away till he goes inside again.
"He told me if he did not care about me so much I would not have stopped him from hurting monte."
Translation: If you ever need to me protect you with my intimidating, muscly presence - say the word.
Sweet. Sweet but Reactive. Narcs 'LOVE' picking on very emotionally reactives (Empaths). Joe has to learn to look at him like he's dog-poo, sigh and turn away or walk off. La-la-la, can't hear you and cam't be arsed, you're BOOOR-RING (and ridiculous) is the vibe. Or HAVE FUN with it and take the piss...the type that goes mostly over their head so they don't know how to react (no empathy = no sense of humour and definitely none where concerns taking the mickey out of themselves like us normal-healthies can do). Oh, aye, you are not powerless, either of you! Far from it! Get reading up on the web, you'll see!
"The fight was my sisters fault."
Ah-haaaah! He IS her lackey (google Enabler or Flying Monkey). He's still a rhymes-with-brick, but, her lackey. He's just a Narc, she's a Narc-Sociopath, there we go (they're very heirarchal). PS: as long as he's always enabling and lackeying, she focuses her rifle crosshairs on OTHERS...like you...like Joe...and possibly plenty more. (ALWAYS note how people treat staff and public service staff like waiters, taxi-drivers, etc.)
The point is - instead of him. (If she has no-one to control and bully, she starts on him.) But she still gives him enough grief, anyway, regardless, to make him Mr Angry & Bad-Tempered in himself.
"She came outside and her and joe argued a little over a sprayer."
How petty (tick!). Nah. It's just a power struggle - the thing or person fought over is immaterial. Could have been a tiny pebble with that type.
Which reminds me: Your sister needs some fault or inadequacy on your part (otherwise, un-sat-on, you might end up eventually but rapidly out-shining her which will go against what Daddy's Golden Child (google) was always repeatedly told about being cleverer and generally superior to you, to train her up as his deputy abuser (if SHE didn't want to 'get it')...again, common stuff. (See what a rotten pass-the-parcel NPD is?) But anyway - she can't find any. Except that you're gay. (See how that works now? They'll even make some crime UP out of thin air if they have to! But my point is: she can't find anything real.
(Here, tell her you've realised you're not gay, you're a female transgender....and watch her head explode! :D)
"Monte heard them so when she went in the garage door he came out the kitchen door. I really hate that man, there is a lot of history with him and my sister. I tolerate her because she is my sister but I am about fed up with her at this point. My youngest sister moved away a long time ago because of her, I should have followed her."
Well, DO, then! Don't mean right now, but - "Shooon, an' for da rest of yaw life". ? Wouldn't it be LOVELY to have a NICE, intelligent, sensitive family member that you and Joe could hang out with?
"The only good thing that came out of moving here is Joe."
Well, there you go, then. :) So it was worth it.
But try to whittle down then cut contact with her, the pair of you. Toxic people do untold damage to Empaths (and their relationships).
"He told me if I had not been here he does not know what he would do."
Crikey. Punched their lights out, probably.
"I am the only person he can talk to and he trusts me."
Why wouldn't he? You and he are chained inside the same dungeon together!
"He texts me all night until he goes to bed and then in the morning when he gets up. I never thought I would meet someone like him. He wants me with him all of the time."
Super stuff! But again, don't rush TOO much. Torville & Dene didn't win Gold because they rushed or skipped through practise lessons. INNIT.
Again - (new) thoughts?
Now check this extract out and note my asterisks:
Sociopaths employ many tactics to keep you from the people who love you. Here are a few of them:
Sociopaths intercept phone calls and mail, and “neglect” to give you messages.
Sociopaths ***purposely insult or pick fights with your family and friends, so that the people you know find it easier to just stay away***.
Sociopaths say they are “protecting” you from the people who want to drive the two of you apart.
If you do see your family and friends, the sociopaths call and text constantly, interrupting your visit and making others uncomfortable.
Sociopaths make up lies about what friends and family are saying about you.
Sociopaths lie to family and friends about you, trying to turn them against you.
Sociopaths rage at you when you leave, and rage again when you come home.
Eventually, sociopaths forbid you to have contact with family and friends.
Oh, and this ((my double parentheses and asterisks)):
Golden Child Syndrome: 8 Characteristics and How to Overcome It
Published: November 29, 2022
A “golden child” is one who is considered “special” by their family and chosen as a proxy for a parent’s own achievements and magnificence. Unfortunately, the child must live up to perhaps unattainable levels of accomplishment and perfection. Being the golden child does not necessarily represent a positive familial position, and narcissistic par
What Is Golden Child Syndrome?
Although the term “golden child syndrome” persists, it is not a medical or psychological disorder, and therefore no clinical definition for this syndrome exists. However, within the narcissistic family structure, there is typically one child whom the narcissist family member (usually a parent) favors, as they see that child as the embodiment of all of the virtues that they believe themselves to hold.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) identify with their golden child and place the burden of living out their greatness on the child. These expectations may include the child excelling in ways that the narcissist falsely believes themselves to excel, whether this is in academics, athletics, or some other performative avenue of expression. The parent lives vicariously through the child, and the child is expected to bring prestige to the family.1 Unfortunately, the pressure that a parent puts on the child can have a negative effect from childhood through adulthood.
What Does Research Say about Golden Child Syndrome?
While there has been a great deal written about narcissism and the ways in which it manifests in different settings, there is less research available addressing Golden Child Syndrome. This role was first mentioned in Goldklank’s 1986 study exploring family influence on career choice. Not only was it noted that the golden child carries unique status within the family, but their parentification also contributes to the further destabilization of the family hierarchy. Because children are placed in these positions through no fault of their own, it can create inner tension as they may unconsciously recognize that their prized status exacerbates the imbalance within the parenting dyad.2 The term grew in popularity as it so clearly captured the expectations placed by narcissistic and dysfunctional parents on the favored child.
8 Signs of a Golden Child
The Golden Child is greatly valued by their narcissistic parent for a variety of reasons–these form a heavy load for the child to carry. Within the dysfunctional family, the golden child learns early on that their role is to please their parent and live out their parent’s own unfulfilled ambitions.
Below are eight signs of a golden child:
A need to achieve: Golden children recognize that their place in the family is deeply entwined to their ability to meet the expectations that their parent places on them. The golden child may never even think to explore their own ambitions, as they are trained to focus on what their parent expects of them.
People-pleasing behaviors: Because the golden child recognizes that their specialness is tied to their ability to be what their parent wants them to be, they grow up focusing on making others happy. ((Blister is too far gone for this.))
Filling an adult role too early: Golden children are often parentified, meaning that they are required to step into a pseudo-adult role by their narcissistic parent. Because golden children are perceived as more perfect or special, they are given greater status than their siblings hold. This is not healthy for a child’s development. ((ditto too far gone. They end up jumped-up, spoiled bullies as adults.))
Fear of failure: Golden children are treated more favorably than their siblings, but if they fail to meet their parent’s standards, the punishment may be out of proportion to their misstep. This ingrains in them a pervasive fear of letting themselves or others down.
Overwhelming guilt: Typically, if there is a golden child, there is also a child identified as the family scapegoat. Everything that goes well becomes associated with the golden child’s goodness, while everything that goes wrong is blamed on the scapegoat. The golden child recognizes the inequity of this, and feelings of guilt for the treatment of their siblings may be carried into adulthood. ((Again - too far gone now))
Conflicting loyalties: ***Driven by the need to please their parent, the golden child may be asked to take a role in disciplining their siblings.*** This generates inner conflict, as the golden child recognizes that they hold the same family status as their siblings.
Self-criticism: The golden child may feel that they are never “good enough.” If they were habitually compared to the scapegoat, they may fear a fall from grace and being dropped into the role of family scapegoat. ((This is why your sister secretly even now is competing with you, trying to keep you from out-shining her like the red apple you are/should have been/still will become.))
Episodes of “need-panic”: This occurs when the golden child’s own needs suddenly bubble up and they are unable to keep them from spilling over or exploding....
Golden children may be vaunted by their parents, but they fear that their status may be taken away in an instant or that they never deserved the praise in the first place. This reflects the low self-esteem that may be a trait that is carried throughout adulthood.
In contrast to the presence of low self-esteem, golden children may take on the narcissistic traits that they saw in their parents. Parents are powerful role models for their children, and the golden child is likely to be the one to spend the greatest amount of time with them. Thus, being “like mom” or “like dad” may result in developing strong narcissistic tendencies that last throughout their lives. ((Again: No sh*t, Sherlock!))
Poor Boundaries ((- Ref interfering in yours and Joe's business for bur one example - again - no sh*t, Sherlock!)
A golden child’s sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood. ((Ditto!))
...How Does Narcissism Impact a Golden Child?
Parents with NPD often shape one of their children into the golden child role. ***The golden child becomes an extension of that parent,*** and the child’s role is to please that parent. Narcissistic parents are unable to appreciate the golden child’s unique identity, and attempt to control their child’s interests and activities in ways that would reflect positively on them. They live vicariously through their golden child and they feed on their child’s successes, which serve as the parents’ narcissistic supply.***
PS: If Monte is her some-time victim (when others are scarce) then it is probably that Blister tries to wind him up into feeling extremely threatened - thus jealous - by telling lies about Joe flirting or coming onto her. So he's trying to make it too-not-worth-Joe's-while to keep turning up and then, thinks Monte - problem gone. (Nope...she'll straight-away wheel in another, guaranteed.)
Does this sound like it fits?
(Sorry: 'Joe's a co-victim of yours.' I meant, co-victim WITH you.)