How to deal with wife’s infidelity, which she denies!

Found her dirty lingerie, which I’ve never seen before. Someone at another chat site suggested looking for more, and I found 50+ pieces of unfamiliar lingerie, most showed heavy use. She has lots of older lingerie she wore for me. But this stuff is newer. When I asked her about them, she states she bought it but didn’t wear most of them. And refused to discuss it further! Stating I forgot her wearing it! What do I do now

Hi M393, I'm sorry. :( I mean - obviously she's cheating AND lying about it. What, in an ideal world, would you WANT to do now?

PS: She's using "Plausible Deniability". You know her guilt makes sense but your evidence isn't strong enough to prove it. There again, who said you had to prove to her that she's lying? Who made HER the Judge? Nay, mate, she's The Accused - in the dock! Tell her you don't believe her (plus, of course you'd bloody remember them if she'd worn them before!) and to prove to you that she's innocent or - no dice, game over! I mean - how's about you use Plausible Deniability back on HER? I dumped you because all the evidence was too compelling (prove it wasn't), which at that time was the only sane, reasonable, self-respecting thing to do - which YOU would have done too! Plus, it wasn't me who planted dirty lingerie in the basket. You did. So it's your fault. (*Owned*) IOW, stop waiting for total safety before you'll pass sentence. You're here! Says it all! Mate, if you strongly suspect - WITH convincing evidence - that she's cheating on you, and DON'T have a history of such suspiciousness in all your past relationships, then.... SHAME ON HER!!! Can you see it from that angle? That's the correct one, mate. Capiche? (Wakey-Wakey....)

'Refusing to discuss it further'. PFFF! THAT old verbal chestnut! Talk about word-for-word and to-NPD-script (along with everything else)?! She's a Covert. Sorry - wrong. She's a CHEATING Covert. Ach. Same thing.

Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, had to digest your advice. You’re right by the way, and thanks for taking the time to advise! Thing did evolve, not for the better. But after 26 years of marriage and with 2 grown kids, the future is unclear! Thanks again

Good, I'm glad you didn't reply sooner - I can't keep up with everyone as it is!...and it's too hot over (Spain) here to do anything during the day other than lie around going, Gaaaaah...., and try to string a sentance together, meaning, I only have the evenings along with all my daily chores. Take this as slow as you like! It's better to take your time, anyway. It's a huge headf**k of the headf**kiest variety which is a huge workload for your brain so...slow and steady wins the race. There's no fire...all the power is yours. Things have evolved? Have you been to see a solicitor/lawyer? Or ultimatum-ed her?

Hello again, , Hope all is well, I heard about flooding in Spain, hope you’re ok. If you have time to read I’ll continue! to update, yes things evolved but not with lawyers. We had a heated discussion, where I laid out the evidence, and told her to prove the facts wrong! She had no defense since the unused excuse failed, and she couldn’t tell me when she wore these multiple items for me. I pointed out the relative newness of this batch of lingerie, compared to the 5 or 6 items she repeatedly wore for me, including pictures! I even knew where she bought the new stuff, it’s all a brand sold at a relatively new chain store near us! In all fairness the store has been there for about 10 years, but the lingerie she bought is of 4 different sizes, coincidently she has gained weight over the last 10 years. Basically while I was at work over the last 20+ years, working 12 and 24 hour shifts, she was home with the kids and also working in an office part time. Her parents watched the kids at their house a lot, when they weren’t in school. She however must have found other ways to fill her days, and I know her office environment was prime for screwing around, lots of going for drinks after work etc. when I got home at 8-9 pm, or was working 12 hour night shift ( half of my schedule) all was reportedly normal! However, she didn’t like being reminded that she once confessed wanting a threesome with my best man! He’s my number one suspect (they work together). I’m the trusting fool! We have agreed to live together, separately! For our kids sake!! End of rant, thanks for listening!!

With you asap! (Respondents thin on the ground again.) Very, very sensible - KEEP digesting - chew it to puree before you swallow, it'll shunt you forward. :)

PS: I always read. It's replying that's the hard part (finding the time). You and everyone else waiting patiently (bless yous) - first chance I get.

Well, bar when the OP HASN'T got with the reality/truth programme, then I read sentance by sentance 'to feel the shock and situation' with the person.