Hi, im hoping you can help me with some advice, i'm not sure if I am over reacting or even under reacting
I have had a long distance relationship for over a year, we travel to each other every 2 weeks. I had been single apart from 3 months for 3 years and in that time I didn't go on any dates, my ex was abusive and I needed time alone.
from the start my boyfriend was rather possesive, where are you ? Who are you with ? I told him I had never cheated in my life and to calm down.
Within 8 weeks he was asking for all my passwords for e mail, facebook and skype, I have nothing to hide there, but I receive personal mails from my friends and my sister who lives abroad, they don't know him well and I was uncomfortable giving them to him to hear their private lives , he said his ex cheated on him and he just wanted to be sure. I explained my reasons , he said then it's better to go back to friends if I won't give them. I told him that I trust him and I don't feel the need to snoop his stuff to be sure, a month later I gave them after telling my friends to call me with anything they want to keep private.
During this time , I was unaware of the fact that he had had a one night thing with a girl before he met me and she was pregnant, she told him it was his and he bought her baby stuff , only after the baby was born and he found out it wasn't his did he tell me about it because he said he felt guilty not telling me, he still has the scan picture on his coffee table.
I took shampoo's and other bottles of stuff to his place to keep instead of taking back and forward, within a month, nothing else had moved in the cabinet except every single thing of mine was gone, he said it must have been the family who shared the apartment, but none of his stuff had been moved.
Maybe now is a good time to mention, that he was the one telling me he loved me, to come every 2 weeks and that he wanted to get married. I was the one trying to take things at an easy pace.
He had gone to work and I was ready to leave, I dropped my earring behind his bedside cabinet, when i moved it, it opened and inside was female clothes and underwear, a photo book of him and another woman who i presume was his ex, when I arrived home I told him I had seen it, he said he should not have kept it, said sorry and that he would remove it, since I met him, he had moved countries, taken that stuff with him, moved apartment 3 times and still it was right next to the bed, neatly folded .
He told me he wanted to try for a baby, for me this is dangerous, I almost died with my daughter through pulmonary embolism, I agreed, I miscarried at 10 weeks through a placental clot that ended me up in a&e after huge blood loss, transfusion and surgery to save my life.
When I was there 4 weeks ago, I was putting bedding away, I went to move his jeans to another drawer to make room and found the same bra and top that was in his bedside cabinet months ago, with lots of other stuff, it didnt seem old, it smelled of washing powder and some of perfume, i just bagged it and binned it, didn't make a fuss and thought he would realise months later, but he asked me about it within 3 days on the weekend, I was talking to him on skype and he wouldn't talk on webcam, he said he had a red eye, he called me with some fringe covering one eye which is not his usual style and said he had to go quickly.
the last time i was there I found a note in my coat I had left there with my name on and a nasty swearing message, then I got 5 blocked calls with " die bitch" as the theme 2 days later, iv'e never had anything like this in my life and I haven't done anything to anyone.
In jis place was the scan pictures I had asked him to keep safe for me at his place because it was upsetting me and I kept looking at them and it upset me more, they were ripped into 100 pieces
He was here this week, we argued, or more like he argued, we were in bed and he called me a name I have repeatedly told him I don't like and won't tolerate, I was raped at knifepoint age 15 and this thing was said to me throughout, he said he likes it and it turns him on to say, that he loves me and im taking a dumb view if I don't see that, he turned his back and said forget it, we won't do anything, which was a relief, after that, it was the last thing I wanted, he said I should be with someone else who won't call me that for fun, I told him I don't ask for anything from him,but I don't like it and my opinion is just as important as his , he took a huff, then started quizzing me, I cried, he told me to stop, because I was hurting him. In the morning I printed his boarding pass for him while he was in the shower on his request and put it in his wallet for him, inside in plain view in the front credit card slot was a laminated photo of the same woman who was in photo album I saw, I told him I put it in their for him, and he said " You put it in my wallet????" Then he had to run and that was that, I have just found out I am pregnant again, I told him, he is happy, but I don't know what is going on, I don't trust him anymore and I don't know what the heck is going on
Apologies for the long essay
I feel my friends are too close to the situation and would appreciate some advice please
Out come in this one is it not going to work he's up to no good. Which you know deep down. You better bringing up the child yourself otherwise you are going to have to bring him up as well. In the long term to put it all out in front of you he hiding a lot of things from you. And you are most likely worth more than that don't become a door mat for him.