I'm in debt and too sick to work like a normal person. What do I do?
I'm in debt and I've been too sick to work, what do I do?
I'm 21 years old, female, still live with my parents. I believe I got an injury in my jaw/teeth last month and it triggered some type of nervous system response in my body. It was so bad for the past couple months, felt like I was dying. I couldn't work, I was barely functioning. I had numbness, tingling, loss of sensation, muscle atrophy on my entire body, declined cognitive function, swollen lymph nodes, high heart rate, blood pressure, dysphagia, the list goes on and on.
Because I'm a young female and my symptoms weren't obvious looking, at least to the doctors.. they kept blowing it off as "anxiety". But it wasn't.
I saw a neuro, tested and did an MRI for MS. It wasn't that, I figured. I'm not genetically predisposed to that. This might be neuropathy or CRPS, which is scary as fuck. Maybe I have an infection too, hence swollen lymph nodes.
Right now I might be able to work cuz my nervous system isn't doing that weird shit anymore, but it's hard for me to anything normally. I don't even know if I wanna keep living honestly. I already struggled holding myself together when I was normal, I don't even know how I'm gonna hold up in this state. I don't know what to do. I know something is medically wrong with me, I can't really PROVE that right now with documents or anything.
Also like $3,000 in debt, credit score keeps dropping cuz I haven't been working lately.
I'm more worried about my health than my bank account, but if I choose to keep living is there any financial assistance I can seek out for this? What the fuck am I supposed to do?
I feel like my life just got ruined in the past month. I don't know what the future holds for me anymore. I wanted to move out this year and move forward with my life, now I don't think I'm gonna make it to 22. I just can't go on, not like this.
Don't tell me to "seek therapy" either, this is beyond mental. When your body is dying on you, you automatically feel suicidal. If my body goes back to its normal state, I won't feel like this anymore. I can't accept a debilitating chronic illness, not at this age. I was supposed to be making money, going outside this summer, go out with the guy I was talking to. Now that relationship is ruined, all because of this. Everything is ruined. It might be over for me. I'm not afraid of death if that's what it comes down to. Been trying to avoid it, but there's only so much I can do.
I bought a TENS machine, did yoga, bought like ten different supplements, cold showers. I've been trying everything, it only helps to a degree. I'm really frustrated and I just wanna go back to the way I was before.
Slow down for just a little while to talk to me.
Let's be totally honest upfront. I'm just a lady with no qualifications
whatsoever to advise you.
What I can relate to is the sudden hitting of a medical disorder that nobody (not even doctors) could
solve for a very long time. They called me 'Mystery Woman' among other nicknames. Funny for the Docs
but not at all amusing to me!
Also, on top of this condition and several other more common conditions well I just recently was sitting in a Hotel
room with my daughter planning our shopping trip and luncheon out for that day. I hadn't been feeling well for many days leading up.
Then WHAM! I'm in an Ambulance being taken away to Hospital leaving my girl in a strange place with two
dogs, limited money & both of us scared to death. I lost use of my legs & went really cold, losing balance etc
you get the picture. So I woke up out of emergency surgery 'never to be the same again. Missing parts on the inside.
Cut straight down my abdomen middle from boobs to belly button & beyond'. So much I could tell you suffice to say
I didn't want to go on living either. My legs had lost the ability to support me or walk. BUT HERE I AM TALKING TO YOU!
What I've learnt is that you can have a day or even a week when you think it isn't all worth it.
You somewhat 'foolishly' allow those thoughts to enter your head.
I need you to listen to me and absorb when I say 'what seems insurmountable one day will feel like an amazing challenge
you came out of the next'. Quite unexpectedly those dark thoughts and feelings can & do turn. Replaced by feelings of
I'm an Olympic Sports Woman and so strong I came out of this with a silver medal so now I know I can get the gold if I
just hold off for one more day. I know...CORNY! BULLSHIT! All those words are swimming around in your head.
You've just been presented with one of your biggest, scariest life challenges. Now you're a real grown up. Now you're
a real woman. Real people are going to admire you for your inner strength. What are you going to do with it?
It might not feel like this straight away, it will take some time but eventually one day you'll adjust wake up and go
I feel pretty good.
I've an emotional assistance dog. I wasn't even a really doggy person. My family had always had them but they belonged
to other family members. This is something you could consider. She is everything to me. Gives heaps of love and no
Also, you could run an online small business if you are the crafty kind? Heaps of crafts out there. That is what i do.
So I can work from home easier when you feel off. Can be with the doggy and can walk parcels over to the Post Office
together in the warm sunshine.
If you'd told me at 18 years that one day I'd have 7 debilitating health conditions one of which is publicly humiliating
and then experience a medical emergency out of the blue losing my walking ability well I'd never have believe it. Nor would I
have thought that I'd have the strength of character to pull myself up, get out of that Hospital bed & just get on with it.
Tears will fall! That's a given. You'll wanna quit. That's a given. You'll think you can't. BUT YOU CAN! TRUST ME LOVELY
this was the fork in the road you couldn't predict. You'd been driving along straight for ages. This means you have been
redirected. You won't know why just yet. Eventually one day down the track you'll have an 'epiphany' moment and realise
of this is why? I'm happy! Never thought I would ever be again. The feeling is worth working towards.
The right man who'll enjoy helping you along your way could be just around that corner. Are you brave enough to face
your future? Don't kid yourself into believing you're not strong enough. I KNOW YOU ARE! Challenges are never sent to
the weak. It is wasted on them! Believe it or not this experience has made you special, stronger & interesting.
Your no longer hum drum, normal or one of the crowd. You're a fighter!
You are so young that your life hasn't even begun to show how interesting the journey is going to be.
Everything happens for a reason. You did nothing wrong. But you've been especially chosen for this trial, challenge.
I believe you can make it!!! It's only life lovely laugh in the face of this adversity, keep going spite of it, please don't
give up, never quit because if you do you'll miss out on your destiny. It's out there. Grad it with both hands!
OH I forgot to add.
I'm poor! Trust me. No bull. I pay the bills and have very little left for anything much else.
I've never owned a car or house or even nice furniture.
There are Community Centres & Social Welfare Workers, even Nurses and Home Helpers who work for 'FREE'.
They are volunteers & it can be good company. Just knowing they are coming around for a cuppa and biccie is
a reason to shower and put on a pretty dress or whatever fashion thrills you.
I don't know where you are. It took me ages to find them but eventually I did.
This lady phones me sporadically now just to chat & check up on me. You might look into it.
PS Life sucks BIG TIME!
I was already down but then I started feeling hot, snotty, exhausted.
I just did a home kit and have COVID! Bring it on life. Next challenge
So I'm sitting here with doggy and a million tissues and happy to have
your message to respond to BIG HUG SENT YOUR WAY!
Oops! No. I'm such a fanny head.
Virtual hug only. I'm diseased LOL
ITS THE COVID SHOT...DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE VACCINES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE A LONG HEALTHY LIFE.
DD, that was another beautiful and inspiring reply - in fact, I gave you a standing ovation - so I'd rather you didn't keep preambling about qualifications and credentials, please, missus. Those two sklls, amongst others, like huge Empathy and Compassion, "are" as those skills are "done". You've bags of trauma-based experiences and your empathy is actually palpable, and it shows (insert Beyonce's "I'm A Survivor"). No more doing yourself down, alright?
The only credentials that are required and recognised here, are those that speak for themselves when you, the poster, posts.
Relax, Soldier! :D You're doing greater and greater. (And Blue_Sky.)
Practise makes perfect, anyway. I've been doing this for - ...when haven't I!?
I was right, though. If you write about what you REALLY KNOW, that's what makes a successful author.
Actually, I was only half right. You have to write about what you know AND be yourself. :)
Wowzers. Look at YOU coping! And only 22. I'm impressed.
A few questions, if you please...
1. How did you get the jaw/teeth injury?
2. And does it have anything at all to do with why you say, even before this injury you were barely coping?
3. Also, won't your Parents automatically take charge, since it's an overly adult-sized task for your still-young age and you're still (what a stroke of luck!) living in the family home?
PS: Practically everyone is living with the parents, now. Even 40-year-olds-plus (divorcees). Brits your age now, foreseeably have no hope in Hell of ever owning their own house. And rentals are unaffordable as well as scarce. But it is how we USED to live (3, 4 generations all under one roof) and, trust me, society wasn't two-thirds as ill as it is since we stupidly cut that auto-support system out (that and disciplinary, harmless, bum-spanking)!
4. I too, would like you to know if you were vaccinated and/or caught Covid?
BTW...My spiritual side absolutely and utterly agrees (WITH basis) (LOTS) with the fact this is Fate's hand, a forced directional change for a reason (you must have been going the wrong way or just not the right way...wrong path, you know?) and, that one day you will raise a glass to that injury/past injury 'because, without it, I wouldn't be where I am today, etc.'. And I'd be willing to make rather large monetary bet. Because it's what happens on that particular life path. It's a path. The people on it are different, and walk it at different times/eras, but the path is the path, it doesn't change. Sense?
As for your 3k debt. That's low compared to others your age - everywhere! Shelve that worry for-now. Unless - if it's a sum of individual debts then, a debt consolidation advisor is who you need to speak to (ask parents); they swing it for you so that you pay per month ONLY what you can realisitically afford, even if that's a Fiver per Month. As long as a debt is being paid back, no matter how piddly the amount, it's still then not a debt that makes their company's balance sheet look bad. Keep them informed - TELL them how it is and that you aim to deal with it as soon as medically possibly, so that they don't assume the worst.
Psychologically, you're still getting over the experience, so it's useless to be angry at yourself for not being back to normal already. (For every tangible, observable thing in this world there is a psychological equivalent; everything comes as that pairing; you can test me on that if you like.)
You have been shoved into a club..a sector. Ostensibly, at the moment, as a 'Day Visitor' only....to sample it (and its standard mental aftermath). Why? Why does Fate think it needs you that badly? You're definitely brainy (you instantly saw through that bogus thread.) Have you got the Je Ne Sais Quoi those 'club'-members sorely lack and which could (once you were ready) rapidly advance their campaigns and interests, for example, with you at its helm?...and all you have to do is move your very succinctly eloquent lips?...(minus the effing and blinding, of course, LOL...seriously, use asterisks please/f**k-you very much, LOL.)
I know one thing. You will be fine. Better than fine. Even if you weren't surface-strong or enduring enough, your inner animal has EVOLVED to be able to cope with this, so even if you don't WANT to survive - you will.
You're going there (Healed & Soaring-ville) whether you like it or not. Here's your menu of transport methods:
(a) Your inner animal can drag you there, kicking, screaming and struggling all the way, making your journey needlessly, bumpy, scary, traumatic and injurous, and getting to your destination, KNACKERED, thus elongating your 'emotional hospital-train' stay, OR
(b) Nibbling on a bar of chocolate, enjoying the view out of the 1st-Class Train window, remebering the fact that, for example, your grandkids are going to want you to tell them (and their friends) your amazing pheonix-from-the-ashes story again and again and again and again (just a preview) again, AGAIN, AGAIN, GRANNYYYY!! And when you're a Granny, you'll be REALLY grateful for that.
Before that, though, comes this:
A lot of people in your position these days, whether the condition clears up, eases, or returns here and there, quite easily become famous and rich (which is handy when you've been de-abled-into-re-enabled to this degree). No position or place in this Great Machine is better or worse than any other,, you see. That's the truth - trust me on that. They all have clouds and all have silver linings. Same amount of gold, same amount of sh*t - different location. You'll discover and increasingly rejoice in the bonuses as you progress along the path.
There are lots and they WILL make up for it, entirely possibly more than make up for it. So don't worry too much. Grieve and adapt, according to your programme ('it's your party and you'll cry if you want to').
We're not here to have fun. Fun is purely re-charging time for getting back to work. Psycho-emotional-spiritual, included.
Your FIRST challenge, in fact, which you and DD should focus on, is continuing to get through the grieving process while you start to walk that path. Reckon right now you're still in shock, anger ('isn't she, Eryengesh'/'Yesh') (;D) and denial.
Feel free to rant and bounce off the walls for now, though. You've earned it. And DD is a champion venter and, THEREFORE, a Weeble ("Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" - 70s ad, Google). You couldn't be in better company. Plus Like Attracts Like - and DD can do it so, so can you.)
Keep this thread going for as long as you like, chat, cry, rant, talk it all out.
But first, I'd just like answers to those few questions, please?
1. I had orthodontic treatment that I really regret, wish I never got it in the first place. My teeth were perfectly fine before. They retracted my teeth and made my jaw smaller, which freaked me out so I took out the braces and didn't wear the retainer.
Now, braces are not a benign treatment. They do break your jawbone to move teeth around. However, I wont 100% blame this on the braces. I also started pulling in my jaw at an attempt to expand it back to its normal size, I'm a dumbass for that. That is what I think triggered this whole nervous system response.
2. Yes the braces were messing up my face structure which gave me panic attacks, I've dealt with body dysmorphia my entire life so that was really hard on my psyche.
I've always kind of had depression and a mopey attitude about life, low self esteem which now I regret. There was never anything wrong with me. I was a pretty, active, pure hearted, working girl that was doing everything right. My ego got the best of me. I tried to chase something that was beyond me. Aesthetic "perfection", money, social media clout, etc. Maybe this is my karma, but man that's fucked up lol.
3. Yes me living with my parents helped, if I was living on my own in a studio apartment dealing with this I'd probably be dead or homeless
4. Nope! Never got the COVID shot. I haven't gotten gotten any vaccines since 2019 I believe.
Hey-hey - same message to you as on DD's thread - be with you as soon as humanly possible, i.e. once this latest heat & humity-wave passes and I can function again (which they're saying should happen on Sunday).
Probably a bit less by now, eh!
Forgive me - I forgot to mark you! I KNEW there was something I'd forgotten! It only woke me up, didn't it! (Hahah, OMG, what am I like these days...)
"1. I had orthodontic treatment that I really regret, wish I never got it in the first place. My teeth were perfectly fine before. They retracted my teeth and made my jaw smaller, which freaked me out so I took out the braces and didn't wear the retainer.
Now, braces are not a benign treatment. They do break your jawbone to move teeth around. However, I wont 100% blame this on the braces. I also started pulling in my jaw at an attempt to expand it back to its normal size, I'm a dumbass for that. That is what I think triggered this whole nervous system response."
Why didn't you immediately get in contact with the consultant's office (or why didn't your parents) when this trouble started, instead of making an wholly unqualified, unilateral, medical decision on your own?
"2. Yes the braces were messing up my face structure which gave me panic attacks, I've dealt with body dysmorphia my entire life so that was really hard on my psyche."
Yes, I thought maybe you had dysmorphia. But if you ask me, ALL teenagers go through that. But they do come out of it so - can I assume, therefore, that at that point where you should have emerged out of it, too many other troubling or taxing things were going on, meaning, your 'emotional in-tray' was too full to get on with growing out of your dysmorphia?
"I've always kind of had depression and a mopey attitude about life, low self esteem which now I regret."
"There was never anything wrong with me. I was a pretty, active, pure hearted, working girl that was doing everything right. My ego got the best of me. I tried to chase something that was beyond me. Aesthetic "perfection", money, social media clout, etc. Maybe this is my karma, but man that's fucked up lol."
Ta-daaaa - social media personality! Now with a really important experience! AND in-depth experience of Body Dysmorphia! Now I get it. Oh, yeah, you've been 'cast', alright - by Fate/God/it upstairs! GOOD karma (just feels sh*t because it was such a huge, instant shunt from one track to this other...they're in a hurry up there, then?).
Would you like me to try tackling your dysmorphia for you? I had it for a bit, if that helps? Mine was reactive, said teen phase. But I still had it. Over-Self-Consciousness thanks to too much unwanted attention.
Here - it's not your parents, school friends or siblings who set you off, with the 'eyes at you' on social media compounding it, was it?
"3. Yes me living with my parents helped, if I was living on my own in a studio apartment dealing with this I'd probably be dead or homeless"
Above question still stands, though, e.g. if your mum (or dad) is the type who's too socially or body conscious?
"4. Nope! Never got the COVID shot. I haven't gotten gotten any vaccines since 2019 I believe"
High-Five! Neither did I. I refuse even to wear suncream. I've got eyes. The sudden rise in skin cancer in Aus in the late 70s/80s told me all I needed to know (NOT YET). I don't mind leading or playing guinneapig, psychologically, but not when it comes to the Big C, no way. It's called, keep to the shade (you can tan in the shade anyway) and tan in the pool/seawater only. (I get a nicer coloured tan than those that use it, anyway).
Roger - Over?
Misssy2 - did you avoid the shots, or did you have a few and found they made you too ill?
PS: I pulled myself out of my own BD, btw. Well, once I realised that's what it was. Hence, my offering.
PPS: Just out of interest: were you born in Spring/Summer?
reply to soulmate (keep responding please i'm suffering so bad rn)
I don't know honestly. I'm just an idiot. I didn't take my nerves or anything into consideration, didn't even know this was possible
I tried talking to my orthodontists abt it but they looked dumbfounded at me, like they didn't know what i was talking about when I brought up "retraction". Guess I decided to take matters into my own hands, I even contacted an "orthotropic" clinic to fix it but they wanted me to wait a couple months for a consultation. Wish I just did that. Or didn't get the braces in the first place.
I'm so broken and hurt right now. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm trying so hard to get better. I fucking hate this.
I sent a voicemail crying, screaming and begging the guy I liked to just talk to me. I've never done that to a guy in my life. I'm in such a desperate dark place right now I want it to end. I deleted Instagram cuz the pain was so unbearable, redownloaded and he fucking left me on read this whole time, even unfollowed me. I can't do this man. He was all I had.
I actually saw him a few weeks ago to go camping and shooting with his friends. I told him for months and months that I was unwell, at that point he was out of state. When he hung out he saw how unwell I was. I wasn't making it up. He cancelled the camping thing and took me back home, hasn't spoken to me since. I know why. It fucking hurts. This is so emotionally agonizing.
I'm already in physical pain but this just adds onto the damage man what the fuck
Me and him made so many plans. I'm so fucking hurt.
also I'm a Pisces born on March
A lot of things triggered my body dysmorphia, I really wish I never was in my head that much. Now I don't know if I'm ever gonna be or feel normal again.
My sister is a narc who's obsessed with looks, always had something to say about how I looked. Toxic as hell. Ironically, she looks just like me.
My mom would tell me to push my nose up as a kid so my nose would grow more upturned lol.. yeah it doesn't work like that
Peers as well. But honestly not many people at school actually said much bad about my looks, if anything a ton of guys thought I was very attractive.
But I was always socially awkward. Whenever I did face social rejection or a guy left me, I'd automatically assume "it must be because they think I'm ugly"
You're right, it is a teen thing. At 20 I pretty much got over it, but then I got the stupid braces on my teeth. I don't know why, my teeth were perfectly straight. Just had an overbite that didn't need a correction.
This whole health situation just pushed me ten steps back mentally though. Feels like I'm getting hit at every angle. Physically, aesthetically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. I'm surprised that I didn't commit suicide. I wanted to give myself a chance to fix this.
Okay - don't panic, let me read up...
"I don't know honestly. I'm just an idiot. I didn't take my nerves or anything into consideration, didn't even know this was possible".
Ah! So you kind of sleep-walked into it! That's a symptom, alright! (Fate, definitely-definitely!) You got mutineered - literally taken-over by your inner animal, mate. Obviously it knew it had to do that or they'd be objections and arguing. It as NOT HAPPY going where you were taking the two of you. So it psychologically 'bonked you over your head with its wooden cavewoman club' to put Conscious You in a sort-of stunned/unaware,, inperceptibly semi-conscious state, and...the rest is history (HOW THE HELL DID THIS even HAPPEN!?).
Fight your nature too hard and that's what happens.
I've had that happen. Many a time! Basically, we're too stubborn sometimes, lol.
At least we can ascertain that there's a meaningful reason behind all this now (though, actually, there always is and was ...you'll get it when you're older...in fact, given this traumatic track-shunt - soon!
Your inner animal doesn't want you focusing people's attention on your surface, because that doesn't bring Contentedness with access to frequently intermittent Happiness, it wants them look at your more remarkable insides and big heart. It wants you to be a PEOPLE person, not a temporarily pretty object.
This is GOOD. Looks don't last. Your likeability and intelligence does. Once you become happy you don't give a SH*T about yours or other people's looks! People become little treasure-troves full of infinitely fascinating things, and their faces, just their nametags. There's nothing to beat being a game-changer.
But back to the practical, here and now...
"I tried talking to my orthodontists abt it but they looked dumbfounded at me, like they didn't know what i was talking about when I brought up "retraction"."
Right - you've got a solid legal case! RIGHT THERE! (The pay-out will fund your new career, eh!)
"Guess I decided to take matters into my own hands, I even contacted an "orthotropic" clinic to fix it but they wanted me to wait a couple months for a consultation."
Even bigger! You were not in a suitably post-operative state TO WAIT. They should have referred you to A&E.
You with your parents - get a lawyer (that specialises in health and personal damages).
"Wish I just did that. Or didn't get the braces in the first place."
Give it another 6mths to a year and you're going to be very glad you didn't!
"I'm so broken and hurt right now. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm trying so hard to get better. I fucking hate this."
I can imagine.
Everyone here can see you are.
YUP. (Stop the world, I want to get off.) (You don't, though, you just want a Pause button.)
Just don't panic - you're perfectly safe. You're just a Caterpillar, feeling trapped in this strange and frightening-seeming cocoon, flapping against the membrane with your fledgling wings for all you're worth (panic-panic-panic - sob-sob-sob - get me out of here!!). It's that very struggling, and its degree and duration, that dictates how much higher than the average butterfly you'll fly (think height and depth limits for personal versus commercial planes).
"I sent a voicemail crying, screaming and begging the guy I liked to just talk to me. I've never done that to a guy in my life. I'm in such a desperate dark place right now I want it to end. I deleted Instagram cuz the pain was so unbearable, redownloaded and he fucking left me on read this whole time, even unfollowed me. I can't do this man. He was all I had."
Eh? How are we suddenly onto a bloke??
OH. This is the guy you were trying to get it on with? Sounds like a shallow, selfish idiot to me!....Dodged a bullet!
AND NOW YOU'VE GOT US. It's a good start. But you're MEANT to feel lonelier...gives you the time and space to get properly re-acquainted with your true self and learn to play on your own again, like you did as a little kiddie. Because playing with each other is how friendship is formed. And you probably haven't had any fun for AGES!
You need to investigate if there also are social websites out there with victims in your same or very similar position, some almost recovered as well as freshly injured, so that you can see for yourself the actually very lovely light at the end of the tunnel. And to keep feeling on-off sh*tty as hell. PS: Don't even TRY to function like normal on a Bad Day. Just go with it and tackle your chores/routines on your good days.
STOP FIGHTING IT, in other words. The pain wouldn't be half as bad if you weren't. Easier said than done, sure, but not if you START giving into it a bit more, and meanwhile (distraction), start INVESTIGATING the society and lifestyle you're newly headed for, to get inspired and know you're beinv given the opportunity to do something magnificent with that brain of yours. (Sod your face, focus on your brain. You weren't born to be (yawn) pretty, when it's so incredibly short-lived anyway....we're ignored Pears in the fruitbowl on that score - trust me....SUDDENLY, before you're even half-ready for it, you're half-rotting in front of your own face! It is NOT dignified, growing old, jeeeeeez, and it bloody starts at 30).
Anyway. It's EYES that attract people and lovers. All the info inside you is contained and expressed in this/that way as locks another Like.
Question: How wide apart are your pain waves, btw, and how long do they tend to last if you don't immediately distract yourself?
Someone who can post like you can is NOT in a desperate state becauses desperate state is as desperate state *does/cannot do*. What you are, is on the Grieving into Recovery Path, that's what. Scariest rollercoaster ever built (but then every tangible version on the outside is puny compared to what we have in our minds, the barely-tapped or downright ignored POWER it has.) Up-down-up-down, I'm gonna die/I'm fine/I'm gonna die...!
You NEED to be feeling bad because that's the pain COMING OUT as the newly found understanding pushes it out. Only try to distract yourself, like now, when it really truly gets too much and you panic like uggery. Meantime, go to the doctor to get an SSRI (Anti-Anxiety). I'm a huge fan of Citalopram (for your level of anxiety highs, 20mg/day) because I've not met ANYONE (and I know a lot who are/were on it) that's experienced ANY side-effects, despite what's listed. And it's completely non-drowsy. Plus you can take an extra half or one on really bad days, as long as you're getting a steady dose building up in the first 3 months. Stuff saved my life and the lives of my friends, I reckon. It kicked-in for me on Day 3 of taking it. Miracle stuff and therefore, now No. 1 most popular.
"I actually saw him a few weeks ago to go camping and shooting with his friends. I told him for months and months that I was unwell, at that point he was out of state. When he hung out he saw how unwell I was. I wasn't making it up. He cancelled the camping thing and took me back home, hasn't spoken to me since. I know why. It fucking hurts. This is so emotionally agonizing."
He's superficial. Hasn't the capacity to be the kind of friend or beau any normal-healthy person like you needs.
"I'm already in physical pain but this just adds onto the damage man what the fuck"
Oh, we empaths have ALL been rejected by one of him. The minute you need and pressure them to behave LIKE A NORMAL PERSON - "Per-choo!"...cartoon-dust. Mind you, he could just be a weakling presenting as a strong-un.
Those are the types you've been hanging round with, aren't they. But you're the other way round - a strong'un presenting as a weak-charactered person who couldn't run an emotional bath!
"Me and him made so many plans. I'm so f**king hurt."
Majorly disappointed, yup.
Would have been a good, fun distraction too (had he been a nice guy rather than a mal-developed rhymes-with-prat, I mean) (that's right - he's crippled or under-developed on the inside) (again - you're the opposite).
Opposites attract then repel.
Like Attracts (and KEEPS attracting) Like.
Honestly, though, this accident did you a favour because it revealed his true colours before it was too late. (You've seen the state of the victims of the uber-selfish and narcissists who come here, right? That would have hurt much more - trust me! For starters, you can SEE and UNDERSTAND how your injury was caused and why it looks exactly as it does. Not so when it's in your MIND and your only 'hands' for healing yourself are your mouth and ears (well, on here, eyes, obvs).
PS: Let me make that clearer:
" I know why. It fucking hurts. "
It was not to do with how you looked. It was because you were now NEEDY (needful). He would have had to have stepped up. And that would have exposed his internal injury/weakness that HE has done nothing about. Exposed him as a chocolate bloody teapot.
Unlike (opposite) you.
And all the people you are now on the road to meeting. (THEY'LL BEEE THERE FOR-OR YOO-OOOU...COS YOU'RE THERE FOOOR THEM TOOO - dow-daddle-ah dow-dow-dow-dow-dowwww - name the 80s/90s series!)
Sh*t, I forgot to asterisk your f***ing!
ASTERISKS, PLEEEEAAAASE! Or do as I do and type ucking or beeping or pigging, sodding, bloody beeping... Or just, AAAARGH!!!!
"also I'm a Pisces born on March"
Yup - fits (re the mopey default). Your Cognition would have started emerging 6 or so months after that, meaning, when you did, it was Autumn into Winter......"MUUUUUUUUH....RAINING A-GAIN......MUUUUUUUUUH". Mopey faces all around.
Especially so if your mum's face looked mopey. Try looking into what was happening in society and her personal life when you were 6 months - or just ask her?
"A lot of things triggered my body dysmorphia, I really wish I never was in my head that much."
Wouldn't do you any good even if you could go back and do it over because being up your own a*se IS the Teenage Years (Terrible Teens...means terrible for you too, not just people around you).
"Now I don't know if I'm ever gonna be or feel normal again."
Well, I do. And you will. Go see for yourself - don't just take MY word for it!
Did you ever watch the paralympics? Wheelchair Tennis at Wimbledon? They were all having GREAT fun!..LOVING IT! They must be downright GRATEFUL for their so-called diability by now?!
When life hands you lemons, you make Lemonade. Or sit, mopey, and watch them rot...and your opportunity to make Lemonade, with it. You have to wait for the NEXT set of Lemons. (Not that I think you will just sit, moping. Just for a while, as much as is necessary for your healing.)
"My sister is a narc who's obsessed with looks, always had something to say about how I looked. Toxic as hell. Ironically, she looks just like me."
Oh, here we have it: the Mother Ship.
Right. Welcome to the club!
"My mom would tell me to push my nose up as a kid so my nose would grow more upturned lol.. yeah it doesn't work like that"
SO BASICALLY, YOU'RE A BRAINIAC, BORN INTO A PILE OF THICKIES, YEH? And no way can they compete ("pathological envy") with you on YOUR ground (brains) so they forced you to compete on THEIRS.................And Now You Are Here.
"Peers as well. But honestly not many people at school actually said much bad about my looks, if anything a ton of guys thought I was very attractive."
Yes, but if that's the only real attention you get, then that's the kind you get hooked on. Or if you get ANY repeat, negative attention from same or other quarters meanwhile (peers) then now you NEED the positive as its Antidote, it's opposite. See?
You should have been able to get hooked on healthy attention - to your inner person, not your skin, etc.
But anyway, they were chosen as pawns to do that build-up, ending in Final, Irreversible Shunt (don't mean your injuries, I mean your intensively exercised mind and empathy conduit) (internal gym-work to catch up to where you were and still are, SUPPOSED to be).
"But I was always socially awkward."
Not bloody surprised, living with types like that! They really shred your confidence, plus having to be on-alert all the time (Fight Or Flight) makes one over-vigilant - including towards themselves and their so-called faults.
AND surrounded by them, I imagine (Family Like Attracts Family Like aka no-one else will socialise with us any more, healthy people staying away).
Classic Narcs, aka Benigns, they sound like. But they can still cause you injuries and debilitations via their extra-nasty sides. NOT the best type of personalities for raising sensitive kiddies.
"Whenever I did face social rejection or a guy left me, I'd automatically assume "it must be because they think I'm ugly""
Naaaaah. It's just your chemistry. If his genes like your genes as create that chemistry, he'd say to his friends: AND...another reason I find her so attractive: she doesn't just have TWO beautiful blue eyes, but FOUR!
You've been Pavlovian trained the wrong way up, my luv. That's EASY to reverse!
Awkward, non-conventional-looking 'Geeks' from Narc homes have the same problem but in reverse. Everyone ignores their looks and focuses constantly and ONLY on what they can DO. Then they grow out of that facially awkward, out-of-proportion face and body - blossom, take years or decades to even realise it! You go, You're really handsome, and they go, No, I'm not...Am I?
No-one needs to be beautiful, they just need a beautiful smile, to like themselves, be comfy in their own skin (outer packaging),...all the stuff that gives one a BEAUTIFUL SMILE......."Smile...And the world smiles with you....Smile...la-la-la-la-la" - can't remember the rest of the words).
COMPATIBLE CHEMISTRY (friend), STRONGLY compatible (lover)
"You're right, it is a teen thing. At 20 I pretty much got over it, but then I got the stupid braces on my teeth."
OHHH, it's a second episode. Well, that's to be expected in your case! That's normal.
Thing is, though. If at 20 you'd "pretty much" got over it, then, you wouldn't have got the stupid braces. See how that works? You thought you were over it when you still had a lap to go before you hit the chequered flag. Or you WERE over it, but your inner animal still was pissed-off that you took a Left instead of a Right. So it kidnapped you and made you turn Right while you were 'still under the influence'. You're now going Right.
Easy mistake (not mistake).
"I don't know why, my teeth were perfectly straight. Just had an overbite that didn't need a correction.
This whole health situation just pushed me ten steps back mentally though."
It's not back. Back then wasn't real (just a normal reaction to over-inspection and criticism as directed your eyeballs onto your looks and body). This is the real deal. This is new. You're just Shocked, Bereft and on the Grieving Path.
You've been on-off hitting Depression because you actually HAVE almost finished the Denial stage. And now, because you can FEEL you're about to Accept it, you're struggling, tying yourself to a lamppost. Which again, is natural, because if you Accept, then there's nothing more you can DO about it. Incorrect, but...that's panicky brains for ya. Once you enter and finish Acceptance (you've fully adapted to the new fate and lifestyle) is when you suddenly can starting doing A LOT about it, making it work for you, suing those medical idiots (overworked or not, that's legally not your fault or responsibility).
What has your GP said? Have you seen or spoken to him/her?
"Feels like I'm getting hit at every angle. Physically, aesthetically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially."
Yeah! You are! But Fate doesn't ever....EVER give us more than we can handle, I promise you on my son't life. It's not trying to kill us, it's trying to give us intensive mental training to make up for all the lost time when instead of thinkig, why is the sky Blue, you were thinking, does my bum look big in this.
Just FEELS like it's trying to kill us! For a bit, anyway. "This too shall pass" - and you'll forget ALL about it, the minute you get comfy in your new 'world' and sucked right in....the type of job where your bedside alarm only makes ONE "Diddly-did!" and you're springing out of bed, RARING to go, LOVING your job and your weekends, confidence becoming like a skyscraper.
It's when you're having fun in a moment or constantly enjoying your life that one looks the most attractive to the opposite sex.
Looks can 'do one!'. Although, obviously, thanks to chemistry and fondness, you do tend to love their face regardless, just because it's THEIR face. So-a don't-a wooorrry, Senorina! This is exciting, actually!
AND YOU DEFINITELY HAVE A DAMAGES CASE! You're only 22 (experientally, I mean), how the eff were YOU supposed to know what else to do!
"I'm surprised that I didn't commit suicide. I wanted to give myself a chance to fix this."
No, your inner animal did. It knows what's coming and is already upgrading its wardrobe in preparation. Three Cheers to your inner, Naked Ape! It clearly knows what it's doing. You're an old soul.
Anyhoo - thoughts now?
Here - read about the amazing Katie Piper.
She hadn't had the means, hadn't found her niche in which to express her amazing-ness before this life-changing trauma, though.
Okay update, I think my body is healing overtime. I think maybe I had a stroke, but honestly I got no clue.
I have a few job interviews lined up. Feel kinda normal, but also not really. Not having as many psychotic thoughts as I was a couple months ago.
Just read through all that
Trust me, I've gotten deep into the "orthodontic victim" rabbit hole. There's a lot of people in my position. They wanted to "correct" their smile, ended up getting their face retracted and unhealthy teeth/gums from the braces. It's super violating.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do legally when it comes to orthodontists violating your aesthetic profile. Especially in America, they created many legal loopholes. And orthodonistry is very money driven, I would even say it's a barbaric practice.
I can get into all the theories about orthodontics, but that's a whole other topic. I will say that I personally noticed myself behaving differently because of it. Many people report getting depression or sleep apnea from braces. I noticed my breathing was super off because they made my upper pallate too narrow.
But the aesthetics is what pushed me to take the braces off. Seeing my face taking a weird shape. So I took the braces off, didn't wear the retainer, and then pulled on my jaw. I probably would've been okay if I didn't pull on my jaw. But I did all that shit in a panic.
Well, it worked. My face structure is mostly back into it's original state.
Was it worth it? Hell no. I should've just waited for the orthotropic specialist to correct it. But waiting a couple months felt like a million years for me, couldn't do it.
Now me experiencing neuropathy, a stroke, who knows what the hell happened to me.. No MD so far even believed my story. It's pretty jarring how disconnected doctors are with dental health. They genuinely think braces are a benign treatment and dental work rarely ever causes harm to patients (not true, at all)
So if I were to sue my orthodontists over that, well.. I'd have to prove it. I cannot.
But I am seeing an Oral Medicine Clinic soon, they have scans that can actually look at nerves and soft tissue in the jaw. So I'll just see what happens from there.
"SO BASICALLY, YOU'RE A BRAINIAC, BORN INTO A PILE OF THICKIES, YEH? And no way can they compete ("pathological envy") with you on YOUR ground (brains) so they forced you to compete on THEIRS.................And Now You Are Here."
Yup.. I was always more intelligent just spiritually/mentally, deep down I never really cared about shallow worldly things. But I dumbed myself down to my environment, I'm actually mad at myself for that lol
"What has your GP said? Have you seen or spoken to him/her? "
Gaslighting. So much gaslighting.
I'm 21, still walking and talking. Maybe to them I appear "fine". But I know Im not, people around me know that I'm not okay,
And the symptoms I speak of mostly apply to very old people, or people that got autoimmune conditions. I have niether of those things.
So automatically they just think "nope, that isn't possible it's all in your head"
And if I do try telling them WHY I think I had all these physical symptoms (orthodontic injury) they don't even believe me. I get it, the story is odd and unusual. But come on.
One thing that I realized.. lots of people in this country need to get sued. Lots.
When I was 15 my family got evicted on random notice because the landlord raised the rent. That is illegal, did we do anything about it tho? Nope.
For almost six years, me and my family had to live an apartment with toxic black mold cuz that's all they could afford. Overtime it was giving all of us health issues. Technically, that's illegal and lawsuit worthy. I tried contacting a lawyer about the black mold, she pretty much said "Yeahhhh that sucks but it wouldn't really make sense to sue the landlord over black toxic mold that's being untreated". Well, she didn't say that EXACTLY. But that's pretty much what she said.
A lot of awful people are walking around free.
Have you ever heard of Mickamey Manor? It's ran by a weird old American man that created a legal loophole to torture people in his backyard, record it and then post it online. And he calls it a "haunted house". That man doesn't just need jail, he needs to get shot lol
As for the guy not talking to me anymore, yeah it's just depressing. But looking at the bigger picture, I already knew he was gonna leave me at some point anyways. You can just tell when a guy isn't that into you. He's said a lot of questionable things tbh. I didn't really mind because he looks good and we actually do share a lot of alot of the same interests. I felt like I manifested him lol
While it's kinda hard to accept that he doesn't wanna talk to me because I'm not acting/looking like my normal self, I can't force him to put up with me. If anything, I was the one pushing him away when I started getting all these horrible symptoms. I knew he wasn't gonna understand, plus I genuinely thought I was going to commit suicide a couple months ago. I didn't really wanna put him through that.
I'm getting into a more normal mental/physical state, but I don't think I should speak to him after this. I can't go back to somebody that left me at my lowest point. Especially when I cried and begged him to just give me an answer to why he even talked to me.. that's when I checked myself because I've never done that in my life.
This video shows a guy that was in a similar situation to me regarding orthodontics and how much scamming goes on in the dental industry. It's an interesting topic def watch it
With you asap! (Respondents thin on the ground again.)
God is really beating my ass right now lol
So within the past few days, I've been digging info at that guy I was talking to. Apparently he was talking to his ex the entire time, that's why he stopped talking to me. Especially since I was physically unwell and everything, that was too inconvenient for him. He couldn't use me for sex or anything like that so ig he didn't see a point in speaking to me.
What's wild to me is how he played a whole other character for his ex. A nice respectful religious guy that never drinks, only cares about her. Meanwhile he'd be sending me texts saying "I'm drunk asf" with beer can pics, would always say out of pocket shit to me, like wanting to kill Bill Gates or whatever. That "dark humor".
And I liked his personality, it was relatable to me. He was angsty, edgy, unhinged. I was too. If I wasn't having this health problem, would we still talk? Yeah, probably.
I was confused why a girl like her ever dated him. She is too nice, well mannered, educated, sheltered. It's because she hasn't seen that side of him. He just played a character for her.
I don't wait on karma, I made him suffer. I went straight into the girls inbox and sent her every screenshot of our convos, aired out all his business to her. After that, she left him. He started crying to her, his mom, all that. I smiled, felt a great sense of relief. Like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm glad he got to feel some of my pain, truly.
But then today, got into head on car collision. Not sure who's fault it was exactly. From my end, all I can say is I didn't see the car coming. I took a left turn and BAM, all the airbags in my car popped up and I started screaming and crying
Then a nice group of 30 something year old adults surround my car, this man was saying "Can I talk to you are you okay?" while I was just screaming and crying saying "IM SO SORRY"
Immediately I blamed myself, thinking maybe this neurological problem made me miss the car coming. But now that I'm thinking about it with a clearer head, I honestly don't know. I was taking a left turn, the other car was taking a right. It was actually a truck. I genuinely didn't see that truck. Maybe he hit me, I don't know.
But they took me to ER since all my airbags came up, just to make sure I wasn't injured. My knee got bruised and my neck kinda feels strained, but overall there was no injury found. The other guy was completely fine, didn't have any issues.
I think maybe this was God's way of telling me to stop being a bitch, stop being suicidal all the time. And that maybe my body isn't as weak as I think it is.
Overwhelmed again - bear with! (Got short-notice guests!)
Don't worry about feeling suicidal. It's bad enough FEELING that bad, without adding guilt and worry to the mix. It's actually NOT suicidal-ness. It's toxins coming out. Ones you were unkindly and unfairly censored from expressing (releasing) at the time. We have limited emotions and emotional cocktails (archiac wiring, needs updating) - and when our brain is otherwise occupied (processing the recent past and beyond. i.e., reading, understanding, filing/re-filing emotional sheets, top of Intray, down), that doesn't tend to help with grasping and articulating what we're REALLY feeling.
Another fake emotional state is Loneliness. It is NOT Loneliness. That and suicidal-ness, each do a brilliant impression at the time, though. I'll explain what they really are, the minute I have a ...well, minute!
Sit tight, you're feeling the way you're supposed to be feeling, you're right en-route to complete recovery.
And PS - I've just seen your destination. The actual route map!
Haha - sorry - cliffhanger. Not really, though...soon as you've calmed down/regained your full iQ - re-read what you've posted and, hopefully, it's as obvious as ...the fact that bloke was a SOCIOPATH! (Changes image with each new partner - extreme mirroring!) His 'good' side would have dissolved as quickly as it took to get you hooked (which is far faster when you need a helper/supporter). You just speeded it up by unexpectedly needing a FULLY WORKING HUMAN FRIEND and he's a broken one with back-to-front priorities and whom secretly HATES WOMEN (but will sh*g them to gain purchase).
A year or less of him and he would have appeared uglier and uglier. Trust me on that.
Yup. Fate ripped his mask off. Or one of them. PFFF. Lucky, lucky escape, jeezuz Louisus!!
You really ARE being totally transformed, aren't you!
I'm convinced none of this is "coincidence".
Especially as you've just inadvertently identified the market sector that badly, badly needs you. An "I AIN'T 'AVIN' IT!" merchant.
Haha - stand back, that sector - she's on her way!
PS: If (like a coin) Tails is suicidal (which is a BIIIIIIIG, HEAVILY-PASSIONATE emotional cocktail on the negative side, and which only the most intelligent can handle), then tell me what the Heads equivalent is?
You wouldn't be at this gateway were it not for the fact you were forced to sample (- putting it mildly) the opposite to yourself in the opposite world what was your destiny. It IS back, but not back-back. Just to the previous crossroads where you took the wrong turn...just a bit of backtracking to get back onto the correct path (which you're definitely now on).
It's all good in the hood. :) Remember, I see this all the time AAALLL the time. Not usually this fast, though (tick!). Nor this expansively ("Ahh-ahh-aaaaahhhh" - angels...).
Just remember: I saw you first, before you were famous. LOL
Oh absolutely. Definitely a turning point.
I wish none of happened in the first place, I'm really mad at myself for getting to point because I knew better. I always knew I had a pretty smile, I knew how guys operated, I had a good understanding of health/wellness
Crazy to think about it. None of this would've happened if I didn't get those braces almost a year ago.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda I guess. I realized I only got two options now. Attempt to heal my body, or die. I'm still here. So I guess I gotta put that work in now.
I just got hired at a restaurant. I think the hiring manager empathized with me when he asked why I got fired from my last job. I told him something happened to my nervous system and I just couldn't function like normal person, his eyes popped up and he said "Really? I know people that have gotten MRIs and seen doctors for things like that and they got no answer" I said "yup, that's what happened to me" then he said "You know what, I'm giving you a shot. You're hired."
I've only worked there two days. I'm doing okay so far. Everybody there is very nice and sociable. I cannot relate, which kind of worries me because I don't want to lose my job over me being not as social. And I won't lie, the work is kind of straining and I get tired really easy. My body is a lot weaker than it was before. My body needs to get used to this, I really hope it does. I want this job to benefit me, not hurt me. It's given me a sense of normalcy back, which I'm grateful for.
Whatever is going on with my body, assuming it isn't Multiple Sclerosis or ALS or some other freaky disease
My body SHOULD heal overtime.
What happened wasn't normal or okay. But it's also not the worst thing that could happen. Overall I just feel a bit off, my muscles are smaller and my circulation isn't the same. That is very concerning, considering that I don't know what it is. But it could be a lot worse.
It's hard to tell if things are getting better or worse. But Ive been doing yoga consistently, I just got a job, I've been making my own food, doing chores again, I was driving for the past month or so.. I would say that is a sign that I'm getting better.
I discussed this health situation with a Holistic Doctor, which was a breath of fresh air. He acknowledged that braces can compress on the vagus nerve, which could be plausible for me. He also asked me if I had the COVID vaccine because he thought maybe that could've caused my symptoms. Also discussed mold toxicity that I dealt with in the past.
It was a pretty good discussion, he told me alot of info I already knew when it comes to nutrition, lifestyle, trauma, my environment. I would hire him as my doctor but insurance doesn't cover most naturopathic doctors. For him, it's $10,000 a year. That's not a lot of money, but I don't have it lmao
Also-- for the guy being a sociopath. Yeah, he is. He even told me that he thought he had "Anti social personality disorder" which is basically a sociopath
He said/did a lot of dumb crap that I don't even wanna say because if I do, you'll be "why the hell were you talking to him" lmaoo
I don't know. He looked good, we had a lot in common.
N honestly I do think the braces messed with my state of mind. I did not take him seriously until I got them in. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I swear it does alter your brain. I noticed that right when I got them tbh
The truth is stranger than fiction man
Oh yeah, I also did develop bruxism after getting my braces off. Not fun
I do hope that once I get better, mentally and physically I can really study more about alternative medicine and expose a lot the evil/greed of this world. Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics
I'm getting more confident about recovering, I think I can and will do these things. Hopefully soon.
I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff
You're first tomorrow (night, latest), with my huge apologies for the wait again...I'm somewhat overloaded, putting it mildly.
I'll make it up to you from now on...maybe notch tchoday...but shooon...and foy da rest of yoy life! (- name the film!).
So - catching-up... unless you've already said so later (I'm not reading ahead too much):
1. What happened at your Oral Medicine Clinic appointment?
2. "Trust me, I've gotten deep into the "orthodontic victim" rabbit hole. There's a lot of people in my position. They wanted to "correct" their smile, ended up getting their face retracted and unhealthy teeth/gums from the braces. It's super violating.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do legally when it comes to orthodontists violating your aesthetic profile. Especially in America, they created many legal loopholes. And orthodonistry is very money driven, I would even say it's a barbaric practice.
I can get into all the theories about orthodontics, but that's a whole other topic."
This sounds like an impressive, law-change lobbying campaign speech to me! Or from a C.V. I'm deadly serious. (Click-whirr-click, eh?)
CLEARLY the existing industry laws and regulations are far too loaded against its consumers.
Yup. Think about that for once you've finished honing your skills in that restaurant. I mean - what were the chances? :
"I just got hired at a restaurant. I think the hiring manager empathized with me when he asked why I got fired from my last job. I told him something happened to my nervous system and I just couldn't function like normal person, his eyes popped up and he said "Really? I know people that have gotten MRIs and seen doctors for things like that and they got no answer" I said "yup, that's what happened to me" then he said "You know what, I'm giving you a shot. You're hired.""
SEROUSLY - WHAT WERE THE CHANCES?! And if you find yourself saying that, it can mean only one thing: NOT a Coincidence. Going as PLANNED.
You never know...maybe this caring and sympathetic manager might want to help you begin your lobbying, once the time comes?
You have a way of calling a spade a spade but objectively-predominantly and just the right amount of emotionality.
It just seems like a glaring neon signpost to me - doesn't it you?
What sort of restaurant? Food you like?
(You sound a LOT chirpier!)
"I do hope that once I get better, mentally and physically I can really study more about alternative medicine and expose a lot the evil/greed of this world. Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics
I'm getting more confident about recovering, I think I can and will do these things. Hopefully soon.
I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff"
OH - HAHAHAHA - YOU'RE AHEAD OF ME!
(Blimey, you're speedy brained, aren't you, eh?)
"Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics"
Yeah, and maybe film it from within the restaurant on a night exclusively for other orthodontristry victims to get a large sample of stories straight from the horses' mouths - in the process, gaining highly positive publicity to the restaurant, especially as companies and corporatios showing their caring side is becoming more and more de-rigeur, lately.
You'd be gobsmacked to know how severely angular some life-traintrack shunts can be...like riding in a speeded-up ghost-train sometimes: you feel sure you're about to collide with the dead-end but suddenly - WHOOSH! - you've gone a full 45 degrees. Talk about kidnapped and violently plonked into a totally new and better (and darn sight healthier) lifestyle.
"But I dumbed myself down to my environment, I'm actually mad at myself for that lol"
Mad at yourself for what?...involuntary following your compulsory Kiddie Survival Programme?
Trying to fit in was CLEVER survivalism, actually. (So mleugh, haha)
"I've only worked there two days. I'm doing okay so far. Everybody there is very nice and sociable. I cannot relate, which kind of worries me because I don't want to lose my job over me being not as social. And I won't lie, the work is kind of straining and I get tired really easy. My body is a lot weaker than it was before. My body needs to get used to this, I really hope it does. I want this job to benefit me, not hurt me. It's given me a sense of normalcy back, which I'm grateful for."
So you started on the 21st, making it 2 weeks on Thursday, then! Time Flies, huh!
What do you mean, can't relate?
Don't worry about the tiring easily thing. You're right that it'll soon become your new Normal. You're building stamina and strengthening previouly un- or under-used muscles. Which you're going to need when you finally step into your new position as a Mover-Shaker.
Bit soon to be capable of relating, anyway, don't you think?
Nah, you don't lose your job for not being as sociable. It's a place of work, not a club. If your work's okay for your tenure, your being this or that personality is beside the point and being able to get along with new types of people/personalities is just a lucky bonus. But anyway - why can't you be the quiet one? - it's more endearing to the veteran staff, while you're still new, anyway. It's called, not forcing yourself too soon on people. Plus gives you a chance to study them, their heirarchy, dynamics ...whether any of them are NIffy (N for Narc) ,and all of that, before you finally make or accept an EDUCATED, CUSTOMISED approach ("Couldn't help overhearing you're into X - what's that like, sounds exciting...".)
Not used to being the new kid on the block, huh?
Sounds more like a challenge within your path's curriculum than a problem, to me.
TRAINING, innit. Including learning how to size people up rather speedily - which you have to DO with customers from all walks (and insanities, some of them, LOL).
Question: do you have the US equivalent of 'your local Member of Parliament' fairly near you?
"I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff""
How about you use what you learn there to come back and start a new physical therapy - FOR IMPROVING FACIAL FEATURES, including after medical negligence/accidents! Face Yoga! Or whatever the equivalent would be? That's up to you, but - it ain't being done yet, is it?
Physiologically, it's perfectly possible! that and your whatever-avenue of protest and lobbying, you could end up becoming a medically-recognised, state-funded occupational therapy service.
The sky's your limit and the world your oyster, really, isn't it.
Shout it with me: I'm finally FREE!....FREEEEEEEEE!......uck those Plastique Fantastiques who made you have to try too hard to get approved of and accepted in one of the unhealthiest ways possible (they're funny in the head, they iz, think that what's important is the outer shell of we 'eggs', and sod how things look and feel on the inside (WRONGGGGG!)...they're bloody upside-down and back-to-front, they are....it's why they're always incapable of never showing their arses - hahahahah!!).
"It's hard to tell if things are getting better or worse. But Ive been doing yoga consistently, I just got a job, I've been making my own food, doing chores again, I was driving for the past month or so.. I would say that is a sign that I'm getting better."
And would you also say the Pope was Catholic? :D
You're getting better but you can't quite tell yet because you're simultaneously temporarily tireder. Once you finish 'acclimatising' (at your rate - piddly 2 more weeks, I reckon) - then you'll be able to feel you and things are so much better.
Fast brain or not - it's a lot of major life changes and sensory input within a very short space of time. VERY short. In fact, almost tailored to your processing rate if we stop to think about it?
We DON'T only have 5 senses. We only have 5 everyday ones. And when things are 'everyday', those are perfectly up to the job at-hand. Takes a trauma (having to work your brain to full capacity or beyond) to start to see the spiritual, otherwise inexplicable "coincidences" and "signposts" surrounding you during these weird shunts.
I still see a glaring roadmap.
But you obviously ARE pretty spiritual so - yeah - India. To improve that side too.
It's RARE for a young'un with the skills, passion and oomph to change a significant area of the World, to also have the innate wisdom, sense of justice, easily-understood communication style, and spritual sensitivity of an elder.
Not ONCE have I had trouble understanding what you meant or connecting to your frequency. (It's like a little holiday, LOL.)
PS: Your healing will speed up and up, now (hence your circulation having to here and there crank-up a gear), for the simple reason that it's patently obvious to your inner animal that you've chosen to live. Animals are very sensitive, you know. If you cease caring and nurturing it (via yourself) and having enthusiasm for getting out of bed in the morning, and it goes on too long - it takes that as its sign from you, it's outer host/carrier, that doing so is pointless...which must be because it's dying.
So, ironically enough, all that constant preening during your incarceration amongst domineering types is one of the main things that got you through the psychological side of it. (Alanis Morisette's brain is exploding with that one right now LOL.)
Lately is the (this case, positive) Snowball Effect. It's rollin'-rollin'-rollin'.... (that comes from some Western/US song but I haven't a clue what - do you know?)
"I discussed this health situation with a Holistic Doctor, which was a breath of fresh air. He acknowledged that braces can compress on the vagus nerve, which could be plausible for me."
Did it cause you any nausea?
"He also asked me if I had the COVID vaccine because he thought maybe that could've caused my symptoms. Also discussed mold toxicity that I dealt with in the past."
That's what Missy2 said, look!
"ITS THE COVID SHOT...DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE VACCINES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE A LONG HEALTHY LIFE."
(Is that another case of, What were the chances!?)
"It was a pretty good discussion, he told me alot of info I already knew when it comes to nutrition, lifestyle, trauma, my environment. I would hire him as my doctor but insurance doesn't cover most naturopathic doctors. For him, it's $10,000 a year. That's not a lot of money, but I don't have it lmao"
HOW MUCH?!?!!! How the eff are you supposed to afford that! Or even your parents, given today's economy!
Crikey...the USA is really mercenary, isn't it. Yeesh.