Feeling unattracted to my girlfriend after only a month
hi there i need some advice on what to do - last month, 21st of jul, i asked out my current gf. ive had a massive crush on her for a year, and we are eachothers bestfriend and everything, i talk to her everyday without fail, and we have had so many wonderful moments together. i had a lot of my friends hype up my crush on her, and i often flirted with her before our relationship started so it always felt as if this relationship was bound to happen. another thing to note is that my girlfriend suffers from agoraphobia, and due to this, has little to no meaningful connectionn with anyone else but me and her family.
however, around the month of june, i began feeling unattraction to her, but due to the fact id built up this expectation for me to eventually date her among my friends and myself, i felt guilty, as if i couldnt or wasnt allowed to let this go, or that i was “in too deep”. around this time too, id become interested in a guy id met, whom i realised i was able to connect with quite well. although i wasnt in a relationship with my girlfriend at the time, i felt indebted to her, or as if i was cheating somehow.
my attraction towards her would fluctuate, and i felt entirely confused at my own feelings. when i asked her out, i believe it was a spur of the moment thing, which sounds really shitty, but i dont have any excuse. this was the girl i imagined my future with, a girl, who on paper, was my perfect match. she was sweet and generous, and our whole dynamic felt like something perfectly out of a romance movie. she told me she also has been crushing on me for around a year too.
when we first started dating, i struggled a bit with my attraction towards her, and i realised that this relationship was probably a mistake, and i shouldnt have done it. but it felt so shitty of me to drop her immediately after we began to date. and then i went on holiday for a month, and during that month, felt my attraction build up again. however, last week i went over to hers and again i could feel my attraction levels dip. i realised, though this is the girl ive loved for so long, any romantic attraction i have for her has already passed me by. i love her more as my bestfriend than anything in the world.
its only been a month and a week since we started dating, and i can tell she is happy in this relationship and i dont know what to do, because i dont want it to be awkward between us, especially since i dont want to ruin her only current bond (agoraphobia) . and im afraid of what the people around me will think, after i spent so long investing everything i was into this crush, only for me to let it go only a month after pursuing her.
anyhow what im asking for advice on is what i should do. the logical thing is to break up with her immediately, but i was wondering what would be the best way to go about it so i can spare her feelings the most i can. im sorry haha this whole thing is actually seriously confusing and im not even entirely sure what i want, and any word of advice would help.
i know im entirely the asshole in this situation, and it isnt in any way my girlfriends fault. im very aware of this, i politely ask for anyone who responds to this to please spare me the degradation, because i just need some advice. thank you for reading
You are not an asshole in this situation.
Not caring is bad
Confusion is not
You just don't understand yourself
You don't understand the science of your mind
You don't want to hurt her
You know things don't feel the same as they did and don't know why
That is the start of a THOUGHTS and FEELINGS list you need to create.
Its a straight forward factual account of your experience
Your thoughts and feelings are actual connections in your mind
Connections that brought you to this point
Connections that can lead you anywhere
It is in our CHOICES that we help lead our lives somewhere we truly want to go
Otherwise we get carried away with energy and patterns that don't hold enough perspective of truth to make qualified decisions
WE need to bring the truth to all of our 'confusions'
The truth of the past, present, future.
UNDERSTANDING - Whats lead up to this point
IDENTITY - Where we are, who we are
VISION - What we need, want, and need to keep in perspective
Those three components, bring us home (BASEBALL)
We create diamonds, security
We give our energy somewhere to go, progress.
We feel peace.
We all get caught up in feelings and fears, we get stuck asking questions not realizing that we need to answer them, and search for truth.
We all need creative tools to help us secure our minds
Especially in this energy war, this evil world we are in that is making it difficult for people to believe in themselves, stay on track, stay true to who they want and what life is to them.
Our individual experiences define our individual realities.
You have defined what life is, and what a relationship is to you throughout your life and now you're in new territory.
Its like living in a country all your life then travelling to a new one.
Its new, its exciting, its interesting, its creating positive energy within you as you connect truth and love, as you learn about her and care.
ACTUAL LIFE is created within you.
Your BRAIN lights up
Its up to you if you want to be subject to the training your mind, all of your past beliefs of what a relationship should be, or if you want to create new tracks to believe in and have a relationship with this girl.
I believe that a (love relationship) is a world of its own, a special bubble within our world. 'Welcome to my coup (two seater sports car), there's only room for two' JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
If we were friends I would tell you to slow down on the intimacy. Intimacy is for when you have feelings that you NEED to express and a kiss is the only way left to do it, intimacy should be full of magic, but magic has to be created through experiences... the energy we create when we think, dream, feel, believe in someone, energy that we create and express.
LIFE IS THE DISCOVERY OF TRUTH AND THE CONSTANT PURSUIT OF FREEDOM (free flow of positive energy)
There is A LOT to discover about life. You have just learned a little bit of psychology today that can support you throughout life.
There is so much more to discover and how wonderful would it be to discover the truths of life with someone you care about.
Be best friends
Help her secure her mind with truth and love
Secure your own mind with truth and love
This is what friendship is. Sharing experiences that create LIFE,(truth and love)
And let everything grow naturally.
You SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
There isn't any need to put pressure on 'a relationship'
There is only today, and the wonderful time that you can have with someone special.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself
Continue to learn about each other
Continue to light up each others brains with truth and love
Explore LIFE together
You fell in love with her connecting truth and love, understanding her and caring about her
Now fall in love with life with her connecting truth and love, understanding life and caring about life.
I've been in a state of wonder with a man for long time now
I can't leave my home because I am an exorcist that the government uses for all kinds of horrible experiments.
Your story makes me wonder, if my crush and I got together would all of that wonder could come to an end?
Will it be as if he was a mystery now solved?
If I wasn't such an imaginative and creative bird I might run out of things to dream about, but I live in my head, I dream endlessly.
I truly believe that life is the discovery of truth and constant pursuit of freedom.
I'll Never stop being in wonder
There will be times that I won't have the same rushes as I get sometimes but that's life. Nothing stays the same.
Everything we experience is changed by our experiences.
What we do what is done to us what is done around us
What we see
What we hear
What we can connect to from our past
What can potentially connect
LIFE, ENERGY is constantly moving and it knows what's behind us and in front of us.
If we are connected with TRUTH AND LOVE WE ARE TRULY ALIVE and we are HELD within a TRUST that secures us.
There is a world within her
There is a world within you
That is in tiny pieces of puzzle
Like dots to a dot to dot
That are just waiting to take form so that life can flow within them
The mind is a universe of its own
That is waiting for you to build it
Alone and together.
Some people in life OPPRESS AND DESTROY other peoples universes
Their ability to see truth and love and connect LIFE
While other will INSPIRE AND SECURE other peoples universes
Be a prince, prince's are never forgotten and always live within a princesses heart, always giving her LIFE, always inspiring her even when they haven't seen each other for decades. Always helping her breathe in this world that is creating so much confusion actually physically suffocating us.(Stephen King THE MIST) (BIRD BOX - Sandra Bullock) (STAR WARS)
DEFINE FREEDOM (what you need to do to able to breathe) AND BE FREE
I might also suggest...
That you write down the word RELATIONSHIP on two notebooks.
Give one to her
Keep one for yourself
And APART from one another DEFINE what a relationship is to you.
Tell her that UNDERSTANDINGS MAKE RELATIONSHIPS and MISUNDERSTANDINGS BREAK RELATIONSHIPS
And that in all areas of life understandings can be created by simply spelling out the truth, what we believe, while being open to what others believe.
It should take a long time for you to work on this, but you will have created a definition you can believe in, a definition that will guide you to a life you want to live. Have you heard of FRANK SINATRA - MY WAY? It is an essential song for life, more than ever as evil forces are growing disconnecting people from their definitions of who they are and what life is to them. Look at the addiction problems that are taking over peoples lives alone? No child dreams of growing up and becoming subject to all the kinds of troubles we see today. So what sets the difference between those that find success and broken people? First and foremost, its how they define success. Its the path that they create for themselves both the steps (actions) they need to take, and the BELIEFS they need to hold.
Over time you will continue to grow that book with her, or you will grow it on your own, adding SONGLISTS, things you want to remember that you learned from watching a film, or talking with your friends...reflecting. We are constantly gathering information that can help us in life, but we are not gathering it and taking the time to develop what's important. We are forgetting what can easily be written down in a notebook to be used in the future.
Whatever happens between the two of you, understand yourself before you say anything, so that THE TRUTH will be spoken, truth that can be believed in. Try not to hurt her feelings. A relationship not working out can just be about two people that are meant to be GREAT FRIENDS. BROTHER AND SISTER. We truly were all meant to be brothers and sisters but confusion takes over and people make all kinds of choices that are not true. We have to be true. We have to believe in everything we think, feel, say, do, experience otherwise there isn't any LIFE created. We not only miss out on the opportunity to create connections of LIFE security, we create disconnections, DRAINS in our life. All because we are confused. All because we are TRYING not to hurt someone. All because we can't find the words that define what we truly think and feel.
We all have to get into the practice of defining what we truly think and feel... for ourselves
We all have to understand ourselves
This is SECURITY
This is FEARLESSNESS
This is PEACE
Understand LIFE.(truth and love)
What does the word UNDERSTAND mean?
Know what is needed
PS I love macaroni and cheese too
Do you ever put sriracha sauce in yours?
Oops I forgot to finish a thought....
You both create your own definitions of RELATIONSHIP
THEN you CREATE AN EXPERIENCE
Maybe I would bring the FIELD OF DREAMS movie, some hot dogs and popcorn... like you would have at a baseball game.
Or I would bring a movie like STEALTH, and bring airplane food (tv dinner tray), and plane gummies or something like that....
Maybe I would bring some paper so we can make paper planes and write notes on them 'what it takes to fly free and securely in life'.
The answers are in the film.
Or I would bring a movie like THE NEVER ENDING STORY, a sandwich and apple for you each like Bastian eats while reading the book.
You could wait for the next rainy day, cuddle with a blanket, safely light a candle, even go up to the attic to watch the film!!
Or I would bring ZOMBIELAND and together we would create our own list of rules to survive!
Or I would bring JULIA and JULIA so that both of you can be inspired to create a new project in your individual lives.
Being creative and doing something that means something to us gives us GREAT BALANCE.
We pour less energy and put less pressure on things like 'a relationship'
Or I would bring ZOOLANDER, you could make smoothie-frapaccino drinks like the group of friends go get before they blow up the gas station.
These films are so much fun that you might not realize hold important meaning. Put the pieces of the puzzle together to understand
what the producers, and actors are trying to teach everyone.
There are unlimited possibilities here!!
Life is truly what you make it.
HAVE GREAT EXPERIENCES
Watch a movie and work together to understand it and how decide how you are going to move forward with the knowledge you have gained.
AAAANNNDDD exchange copies of your answers. (WHAT A RELATIONSHIP IS)
The next time you see each other you will have read it, processed it, grown more thoughts and want to talk about it...
You will see that either you share the same vision and want to be a couple...
Or you will want to be brother sister.... for now.
Continuing to have GREAT EXPERIENCES THAT YOU BOTH DESIGN.