Struggling with life
Hi everyone, i’m really struggling at the moment and just need some advice. A bit of info about me is i’m 14 years old and i have a severe anxiety disorder and agoraphobia due to past bullying (i was the quiet fat kid in school) and family experiences (i have a horrible relationship with my father, he’s emotionally and verbally abusive and him and my mother get into arguments a lot). This has completely destroyed my day to day life and im unable to live normally.
I stopped going to school a year ago (currently starting a new online school, can’t say i’m looking forward to it) and left with only 1 friend. This friend and i started to date not so long ago, but now im suspecting she is going to break up with me for various reasons. I’ve been getting into a kind of seasonal depression recently and this whole break up suspicion thing really hasn’t helped.
As i mentioned earlier i have agoraphobia, so going outside or anywhere away from my house makes me feel immense anxiety. When i say i feel anxious about literally everything, i mean it (i cant make online friends because i’m so scared, i even felt anxious about posting this haha). I’m a burden to my family as they don’t know what to do to help me; i’ve tried medication and therapy, but neither of them worked. If i’m being honest, i’ve been getting slightly better. i went to a busy shopping centre a few weeks ago and had a sleepover with my current gf which i thought i’d never be able to do (i’ve also been frequently going out around my block etc). Despite this i feel like i’ve taken 1 step forward and 3 steps back.
The point i’m trying to get to is i feel hopeless. I’ve started s/h again after months of being clean and i really don’t see any hope for the future as my anxiety holds me back so much. I have 1 friend (who i doubt i’m going to speak to properly anymore) and i spend every day alone. On top of all this, i have an extremely bad self image. I’m not skinny, nor am i pretty. I’ve been obsessed with trying to loose weight recently, but that isn’t one of my main concerns right now.
To sum it all up, my mental health is getting worse by the day and i don’t know what to do. I’m only 14 and im missing out on so much. If anyone has any tips on making friends or dealing with anxiety it would be appreciated.
I'm going to call you DJ if that's ok?
Hi, DJ :)
You've come to the right place. We'll look after you and help you through this, you can relax a bit now. :)
First thing I want you to do, though, is read part of Lily31's thread-come-blog (I'll pop the thread link in here in a mo., and show you where to begin reading from if you don't have time for a wee book's worth). She wasn't much older than you when she started it, and her father was/still is the same.
First, let's ease that high Anxiety (because it's the worst feeling in the world - I and most others here have experienced it too - many still are, as we speak: you can barely function).
COVID/lockdowns put a lot of extra stress and pressure on everyone - like a slow-cooking pressure-cooker (google) and here's the thing: what comes out at the end proves the goodness of what went in.
If you put nutritious ingredients into a pressure-cooker, what comes out is a lovely meal.
If you put (secretly) 'sh*t' or toxic ingredients into a pressure-cooker, what comes out is a right stink/even greater stink of a mess.
IOW, people that seemed fine - or not fine, but at least manageable - are nowadays due to all the world pressure, 'coming out' and showing their true/worse colours. I have always, always maintained that it's about how people treat you during bad times that reveals their true natures and - here we have it.
Saying that - when did his dominating and bullying first start (or when did you first properly realise he was a bad egg in that way)?
Do I take it, he's mainly horrible to your mother, you try to intervene and stick up for her, and that's why you have a horrible relationship? Or is he directly abusive to you, too?
The good news is you're a warrior...very, very brave:
"(i cant make online friends because i’m so scared, i even felt anxious about posting this haha)."
I know - it's beeping scary, especially at your still-developing age! So massive kudos to you for that. You do sound exceptionally mature for your age though.
The one step forward, three back, is typical for when you're on the Recovery Path and suffering General Anxiety Disorder. The trick is to 'make hay when the sun shines' and 'make like a hermit and slob-out' when it 'rains'. Go with it, don't fight it. Fighting it makes it TEN times worse. And that's why you're fighting with it now: because you feel something needs dire attention: your relationship - and you feel unfit for action (putting it mildly).
You're not, though - you've bravely come here and pressed Submit (- case closed :)) You just feel terrible. So let's deal with that first:
- When you get that (disgusting, disturbing, despairing) tight diaphram feeling, force a yawn and keep forcing it until it switches into natural (which it does). You'll feel your whole chest and abdomen relax considerably.
Get more quality sleep than usual.
CEASE depriving your brain of Fat - it needs it! Plus it does NOT make you fat IF YOU USE IT. And you're using it (oh, boy, are you) right now. (The pain and panic is actually a symptom of brain strain. That's why the saying, A problem shared is a problem halved.)
But do eat extra-healthily (I've got a list of anti-anxiety foods which I'll add separately). (Original source and method wins again.)
Get whatever empathetic support from other past/present victims/survivors (TICK!).
Talk, talk, talk. (On here.) Talk therapy is the original and the best. THAT'S why the medication hasn't been working. You can't talk to your gf/best friend for worrying you're putting her off so - see this, your thread, as your emotional dumping ground. (All I ask is you asterisk any actual f***ing swear-words in case any kids (under 12) are looking. :))
Neither indulge in the pain waves when they hit, nor try to distract yourself from them: Sit or lie quietly with the pain for a good few hours or until it truly gets to much and THEN turn on your device or whatever. Think of it like constipation or a long-term stomach bug, but psychological version (which it is...toxins being expelled by your body and mind). You can't go or puke it out in one go so it's vital you go whenever you need to and get it out in bits. In time you'll find your sitting-with-it sessions become shorter, further apart, end naturally on their own (again, like a tummy bug winding down).
FUN. It's the antidote. Doesn't matter what, just - fun, fascinating, engrossing, funny, physical...Exercise is another antidote so you could actually turn this lemon into de luxe lemonade if, when the feeling hits, you immediately start doing press-ups or going for a run/cycle ride and other muscle-developing exercises. If you have to suffer, you can at least come out of it ripped physically as well as (automatically) naturally, eh!
What you're going through is not a BAD thing. It just feels like it (understatement!).
So start now with the yawning and exercise...see if it switches you OUT of what you're in - which is basically, needle stuck in Fight Or Flight mode. Without panic in the mix, you'll feel a lot more capable of saving your relationship (which I can absolutely help you do as well).
Note, I can't be online every day at the moment (this is my charity work, not my day job), BUT, it's only ever a case of When I'll next post, never If (I live here, ain't going anywhere), usually 1-3 days, but I'll keep you posted so you know where you stand. (You have enough to wonder about, eh.)
Losing weight and never putting it on again, is actually a piece of piss. Dieting is a trap for lifelong weight issues ("ker-ching, ker-ching, ker-ching!"). But like anything, it's easy when you know how. We'll get to that as well. PS: "but that isn’t one of my main concerns right now. " Look at how full-grown-adult in your thinking and proritizing you are already! There's another 'silver lining' to this 'cloud'. Makes my job easier. :)
"To sum it all up, my mental health is getting worse by the day and i don’t know what to do. I’m only 14 and im missing out on so much. If anyone has any tips on making friends or dealing with anxiety it would be appreciated."
You're not supposed to know what to do. You're only 14 (well, in your case, experientially you are, the rest of you is advanced). That's our job. The adults. ....er...the adult-adults, I mean, LOL.
Your mum has neither the time nor the energy or brain cylindry while he's keeping her so busy, eh. And obviously your father doesn't have the inclination.
"I’m only 14 and im missing out on so much."
No, you're not. You're doing a Masters at the University of Life. It'll make the rest of your life happen better and faster than non-bullied people. And you won't be fazed whatsoever. Because you'll be 'ripped' and extremely knowledgable.
Anyway, you're a sweetie (I CAN tell). It'll be my pleasure. So welcome to your new, safe, Club, and this is your seat and nobody else's! And you can also help yourself to answering anybody else's posts if you find the topic is one you can relate to and get the urge.
Does knowing this make you feel a bit better already?
If not, try this because I'll bet you bloody NEED it: (Parental) (((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))
PS: If you want to understand what's going on lately with you in its most simple term, then, basically, this is your engine revving up in the Pit Stop, ready for the VROOOOOMMMMMMM!, taking-off. It's an interruption to your normal developmental schedule but which more than compensates for itself afterwards. You go look up how many high achievers and famous people were in your exact situation at roughly your age...you'll see. You'll be rewarded for your hard, hard slog. :)
It's all good. Just feels shite. Let me get Lily's link for you...
Here you go:
If you don't have time to read the whole 'book', start around about here. There are other characters on her whole Healing-Recovery-Success Path but focus on stuff about her dad (Dud, we called him). He had his good side (albeit, it became less and less), sure. If his type didn't have one or didn't know how to take on, nobody would have dated and married him in the first place. It's their nice side that you're forever chasing back after and one of the reasons why, misguidedly, your mum (at the moment) stays. (Bet you're the top reason.)
LILY31 - Dec 14 2017 at 23:41
Member since Sep 2016
PS: if you were the quiet and bullied kid in school, that actually answers the question about how long your dad has been even remotely like this (either more hidden and subtle and/or you've had enough of having enough)...because it's a fact that if you're bullied at home, more than likely you'll get picked on by other bullies at school. The Priming shows and marks you out as a target. ...Or Sliming, as I call it. Predators have predator senses, so they can instantly smell it, like sharks detecting even just one drop of blood in the water and coming for you.
We're going to get that slime off faster than normal and get you future slime-proofed.
This is just my opinion...I want you to share this letter with your parents and decide together if this could be helpful for you.
I believe that you are a very sensitive person, just like me. I believe that you are pure and full of truth and love and that your mind is magnetic. You absorb energy from around you and that is why you feel anxiety.
Your weight problems could be because your ENERGY is insecure. You are not connected to YOUR life because you are being disconnected by the energy you are absorbing from around you.
You need to almost completely limit the grease in you and on you.
You need to drink lemonade to cleanse you.
You need to PROTECT AND CLEANSE YOUR SENSES
Your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, skin, and wear hats.
I try not to look at people, especially their eyes.
I always wear music ear buds
I always wear a plastic shower cap under my hat.
I never touch anything outside my house, or delivery packages without rubber gloves.
You mentioned that there is conflict at home.
WE ALL RADIATE AND ABSORB ENERGY CONSTANTLY
The home must be kept as CLEAR AND CLEAN as possible so that energy flows through and isn’t absorbed in materials or corners.
Plug your ears and wear a winter hat to protect you from negative vibrations when there is noise being made from someone that isn’t peaceful.
The suns UV rays are powerful cleansers.
Steam is a powerful cleanser.
Your parents are going to have to learn how to resolve their conflicts.
Your parents are going to have to create a home WHERE EVERYONE CAN FEEEEEL PEACE.
Your parents are victims of negative energy. It is causing them to lose perspective of what is important to them. They are getting carried away with energy, arguing, when they could be working together in search of solutions. It isn’t their fault. The entire world is tangled in the same energy patters. Problems get worse and worse as everyone is saying and doing more and more things they don’t mean to, giving themselves more and more to have to work through. They need to prove to themselves that NEGATIVE ENERGY has taken over and that they need to put the past behind them and work together to fight the REAL ENEMY. Negative energy. Fear. Darkness. Insecurity.
You see…The world has been drinking their lives just as they do yours only you are young enough to see these facts of life and lead yourself with freedom. They are caught up in patterns that are hard to change. The mind is a garden that we create through experience and then take over our lives. But in my opinion, the truths that I am sharing and the truths that can be connected after reading this letter can be instant life changers because the truth is ALIVE ENERGY that our minds recognize as true WANTING to believe in TRUTH)
There are a few films you should watch together. BIRD BOX with Sandra Bullock will help you understand the war we are all in and how important it is to STAY CONNECTED to OUR TRUE BELIEFS, because the negative energy in the world is forcing us to believe what CAN be believed. We all have fears, doubts, insecurities, partial emotional facts that don’t hold the whole story that we let carry us away into feeling bad. Negative energy makes these believable but untrue things matter more to us than they do because they are fed negative energy. Insecurities are fueled, made to come alive and take over our minds. We are falling into downward emotional spirals. (Look up ‘emotional spiral’)
When watching the film understand that when the people start harming themselves its because negative energy has made them believe in things that are not true. Look at the world around us… this IS what is happening to everyone from time to time. Some people find their way back on track with TRUTH and what matters to them, while others don’t, losing their minds.
It is REAL. When we look at people, we connect to their energy, and if they are not living peacefully with balance their energy disconnects us from our life. This is why sometimes we can eat and eat and not feel full, or like we have had way too much sugar. Our senses are no longer connected.
That is true for when we look, hear, touch, taste, smell, and receive waves of vibration in the air that hit our head.
This all might sound like bad news, and it is, but I have to tell you that you are truly special. Being sensitive means that you are connected with lots of TRUTH and LOVE. Life itself.
Being connected with lots of truth and love means that you are able to make connections when you want to, you can have talents in whatever you choose to pursue in life. There isn’t a truly successful person in the world that isn’t filled with connections of truth and love. And the reason why people are failing in life is because they lack connections of truth and love.
There are fewer and fewer successful people able to stay successful…because they haven’t understood the VITAL NEED OF PROTECTING THEMSELVES AND DEFINING THEIR WILL.
Have you seen the film EVAN ALMIGHTY? It is about building an arc, an arc is like a bridge and a bridge is a symbol of TRUST. We all need to build our vision, our perspectives of truth that we need to believe in, so that we can be true to who we are, in a world that is breaking us.
2012 is another important film.
Stephen King’s The MIST
Indian Jones and the Crystal Skull
The Neverending Story
The Tomorrow War
Your parents have to resolve their problems and take their energy to the REAL WAR, THE REAL ENEMY. Negative energy. Watch these films and get on board with the school of LIFE so that you can be a force of GOOD and not confusion. Get out of the tangles of the war and rise above. IT IS OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE TO CONNECT LIFE. Truth and Love. Connect truth using your heart all day every day everywhere it is needed. That is how we stand alone and UNITED with LIFE itself to support LIFE.
How should you move forward? I would protect and cleanse my senses all of the time. Because you have been going outside, I would keep trying to have good experiences outdoors to build my belief that I will be okay instead of building belief against being able to do that is important to life. I would continue to go to school if I could make sure that I connected with my mother (as mothers and sons flow with energy in a powerful way), her true peace and love would SECURE me with life making me less vulnerable to other peoples energy.
Look each other in the eyes, say I love you AND MEAN IT. Have experiences together where you are having fun so that you can build the meaning behind the words…and most of all FEEL PEACE. You will secure each other. I don’t know if you can understand how special and powerful this is. You can save your mom from disease by securing her with your positive life. Its important that we all create balance for ourselves and not drink too much other peoples energy. Do you see that that is what the world around you has been doing? Drinking from your life.
We are all generating energy, radiating energy, absorbing energy. Constantly.
By being a sweetheart full of truth and love… you are a fountain that people that are suffering drink from. This is why we must protect and cleanse our energy and stay connected to our lives. So that we can do MORE to support life. So that we can find ways to support life without it taking too much from us. I am a writer. I use my connections of life, my truth and love, my talents, to write all kinds of wonderful things for people to believe in so they can feel good and find balance in their lives.
We are all tools, puppets for LIFE. Life wants to live and uses us. We can’t just let energy carry us away, we have to be soldiers believing in truth and sharing the truth….connecting LIFE.
Look up ‘CHEROKEE WOLF STORY’ and print out copies for each of you, and anyone else you care about. I believe if everyone understood this simple beautiful story, the world would be a better place. People wouldn’t have to drink from each others pool of life, they would have balance, and peace, connected to their own fountain of life.
Wishing you well
I forgot to tell you how to CLEANSE YOUR energy.
This will be an effective way to tell if you are absorbing negative energy or if your anxiety is for other reasons.
I suggest that you try all of these methods on a few different occasions.
When you feel anxiety.
Take deep breathes, exhale the negative energy out of you.
Have a steam shower... make sure your face sweats.
Have a SEA SALT FACE BOWL cleanse.
Put 2kilo's of SEA SALT into a bowl.
Pour warm water so it covers the water about 3 inches or so.
Hover your head over it for 6 minutes.
The SEA SALT is magnetic, extracting the negative energy out of your mind, then holds it in the water.
So don't touch the water, flush it down the toilet.
I usually do this once, but every so often I get hit REALLY hard with LOTS of negative energy and I have to cleanse repeatedly.
Hot peppers, just a little burn on your tongue will 'burn the devil' outta ya!!
Get some sun, UV rays are cleansing.
LAUGH AND SING your favorite songs...your energy vibrations will heal you.
Im hoping that there isn't a kid in your class that is suffering so much that they are radiating negative energy.
IF YOU CAN... try to stay aware of how you feel and especially WHEN you starting feeling anxiety.
It doesn't always mean that they are the source and you certainly don't want to look to place blame..
But this is a problem that only gets worse if not treated.
And there ARE treatments.
Id be an entirely different person without them.
Id me sitting in a corner rocking back and forth swearing at every waking hour.
Your entire family might need to do these cleansing methods.
And commit to cleaning the home and simplifying life
Connecting truth and love in
GRROOOOWWWWWWW YOUR SECURITY.
You can google for the rest, but these have the strongest, fastest effect...
*Salmon, mackeral, *sardines, trout, herring. (*Also contain Vit D to combat depression.)
Fruit, Nuts, Veg, Pulses:
Cherries, citrus fruits, apples, prunes, plums; almonds, brazils; avocado, spinach, asparagus, sweet potato, pickles; kidney beans.
All. Especially Yoghurt.
Liver pate, beef.
Turmeric and Chamomile, Green tea,
Dark chocolate is best but Cadbury's Dairy Milk is good too, even better with fruit 'n nut.
If you feel you can't eat, switch to soup, milk, juice and other liquids. Also try keeping black as well as anchovy-stuffed olives (tinned and pitted) in a bowl in the fridge, plus cubes of cheddar, chocolate, doll-sized, cubed Marmite or Bovril (vits B) sandwich-ettes (Sandweenies I call them)....little "bits 'n bobs" you can singly pop into your mouth all through the day to keep the tummy rumbles at bay and keep your blood-sugar (and everything else) steady. When I was suffering, I put everything on cocktail sticks like kid party-food...cheddar with either pineapple, silverskin onions (great for immune system), black or green olives with feta, ...even cubed fish fingers. Just anything quick to chew, especially anything high in water content... Red pepper spread with Philadelphia worked well. So did microwaved garden peas (7 mins in the microwave, high in stress-busting magnesium and vit B) with salt and butter, or better yet, eaten fresh (delicious).
So keep eating, but change what you eat to combat that stress. Have fun with it, like, buy exotic fruit that you've never tried before.
In fact, foraging all day is better for you in your state because it stops that rush of blood to the digestive system as then leaves your extra-needy, extra-busy brain deprived of enough fuel...can interrupt processing and concluding.
Back to you?