Accused of hiding things, having emotional affairs
My (53F) boyfriend (49M) came to me this weekend, angry, and said he feels like I am hiding things. When I inquired why, he said he "just felt that way". I asked him what he thinks I am hiding, but he did not have an answer, just repeated "It is a feeling". For reference, we both work from home all day. We take every break together and neither of us leaves for lunch. In the evenings, he leaves every day to get his beer. On Fridays I go to a little shop and visit 2 lady friends that are my age. I also get a coffee. Then I return home and spend the rest of my time with him.
Once he said he felt I was hiding things, I gave him my phone to look through. I don't have anyone, no family, all my friends have left me since I started dating this person. I also gave him my socials. The conversation stopped for the rest of the day. The next morning he said he thinks I am having "emotional affairs". I asked him, with who? He again said... "just a feeling". Then Tuesday, he said he was over it and everything is fine. What the ever loving hell? I feel like I am going crazy. He has access to absolutely everything, all my passwords, etc. He lives in my house. He has access to my bank accounts, literally everything.
He asked me today why I am not sleeping. I advised that when someone tells me I have broken their trust, I need to figure out how/why. I don't want anyone feeling that way, but without specific things to call out, I am struggling and it effects my sleep. He said he is just over it and trusts me again. What is going on here?
Something, some event or some specific thing has occured to set him off. His imagination ran wild and common sense finally kicked in where he's told himself he was wrong to think it, but sadly...he's given you no context which is a wedge that needs to be dealt with. I can only speculate why he thought that, but I will give you a somewhat similar situation that happened to me where I failed myself in thinking bad thoughts about my wife. I once accidently found in my house some money. A lot of cash, six thousand dollars. I do the banking and we've been married 26 years, so no secrets, no missing money. My mind went wild and then I went snooping for more secrets (like a jerk that I was being) and found lingerie I had never seen before. I never said a word because I trust my wife, but I stewed, hard. My mind was going crazy with conspiracy theories, sugar daddy style side-piece theories. I stayed strong and said nothing, mainly due to my unshakable trust in her, but still weird and upsetting. I had a previous marriage where I was cheated on, so I have permanent scars. A few months went by,and on my birthday my wife surprised me with a two week vacation in Mexico, where, surprise, I saw the new lingerie. She had been squirring small bits of cash for probably 3-4 years for a milestone birthday for me, and planning every second of an incredible, romantic get away. So in the end, the secrets were all well intended and all for me. Glad I never said anything to hurt our relationship over perceived lack of trust, but I still felt bad that my small mind went down those paths. Some shitty words from me would have ruined her hard work for a surprise for me. I'm betting whatever set him off got figured out, je realized he was wrong, but I think he owes you an apology because now he has a secret. If he admits wrong, then he can grow from it. Failing that, he is now only hurting your relationship.This is on him now and now you will see who you have honestly, either he's a guy who is controlling and wont admit he's wrong, or he can be a guy who spills the tea on why he was being pissy, admit hes wrong, apologize and grow the relationship better/stronger.
"either he's a guy who is controlling and wont admit he's wrong, or he can be a guy who spills the tea on why he was being pissy, admit hes wrong, apologize and grow the relationship better/stronger."
either he's a guy who is controlling and wont admit he's wrong
(Bumping up - please bear with, Special) (- see what I've done there?)
PS: DoggyDilemma alerted me to your thread. Do me a favour, pop over to hers ("Mental") and say cheers? Might cheer her up.