Issues reconnecting with my father

Tl;Dr: My dad has been really difficult to maintain any sort of relationship with, especially in the past few months or so. He doesn't seem to respect me at all, as far as I can tell we don't have any common interests anymore and I'm feeling really conflicted and angry over something he said on social media. It's to the point where I don't even want to talk to him. Any suggestions? I'm a male in my 30's and he's in his 60's. Longer: I'm sure I'm still going to leave stuff out but I'll start with him moving far away a few years before the pandemic. We tried to keep in touch for a while but life just kinda got in the way and we stopped talking as much. Earlier this year he just started hounding me for attention again, even going to other family members and telling them I hate him to try and get my attention. Finally, I suggested just doing a weekly Facebook call since my cell reception is terrible at home and I'm always really busy at work. This has not worked out as well as I had hoped. We don't seem to have any common interests anymore, he gets visibly bored with topics I'm interested in and will often just randomly change the subject, sometimes while I'm still talking. Normally that sort of thing doesn't bother me as much coming from him (he's just like) but it's definitely gotten worse and this lack of any interest in me when he tried so hard to get in touch with me feels really awkward and off-putting. He is ALWAYS trying to get me to travel around and after a while of trying and not getting me to agree to at least come visit him he asked why? I told him honestly that I'm not comfortable traveling right now and I'm often busy with my full-time job. I was especially hesitant to travel out of state during and even after the pandemic. I know traveling has gotten safer but it still makes me uneasy. I also told him also working a really good full-time job that I actually enjoy for once and it's kind of hard to break away from it. He clearly couldn't care less because getting me to travel when I really don't want to has become one of the only things he wants to talk about. I have explained this all to him multiple times and especially when we're on videochat, I can see it just going in one ear and out the other. Earlier this year my cousin sent off wedding invitations and at first I was going to say no but I rather stupidly let him talk me into it. This was bad! The trip went well for the most part, I had fun and it was really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time (including my dad), but now all he ever wants to do is pressure me and guilt-trip into taking another trip. He'll use the fact that

Apparently this was too long. I posted the whole thing on reddit a few days ago, I wasn't expecting over half of this post to just be erased as soon as I posted it here. I even edited it a little before posting but those edits are mostly gone and I can't even edit this and try to boil it down more. I know people probably don't like it when I do this but the full version is https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/16kif1e/what_do_i_do_about_my_dad/

Sorry for the wait - respondents (all voluntary) are thin on the ground at the mo. Please bear with us? :)

It's fine. Clearly no one else cares at all anyway. I posted this on reddit almost a week ago, 292 views and nothing. Plenty of newer posts have gotten a lot more attention. I've had some time to cool off and clear my head but the more I think about everything the less I really want him in my life anymore. Before this last falling out I kept thinking that because he's my dad I should just be patient with him and maybe I'm being too hard on him but he's made himself very clear multiple times and made it very clear that he meant the things he said to me. I'm not sure we can have a healthy relationship anymore and it makes me sad. I didn't want to just give up, but this is the second time this has come up (actually kinda the third time) and it's just as bad as it was the first time. He's had years to think it over, plenty of opportunities to at least apologize or something and yet he still said what he said and stuck to it. It's not that I don't want to forgive him, but I'm finding it really difficult to and that's even more frustrating because I know he isn't capable of understanding why I'm struggling with this. I wish I were just being mean about that but honestly, I'm not.

Hey, it's not personal. People are busy - it's still annual holiday season, remember? Flights were too expensive during August, plus everywhere was too hot anyway, everyone delayed til Sept. Right now, there's only me. Anyway, you're next in the queue - be with you tomorrow...well, later today, now. Definitely by evening.

I should clarify, I don't really take it personally here specifically because I did notice a few days after posting that this place seems a bit slow. I had worried that maybe I found yet another dead forum but I guess not? It seems like every post lately is kind of lacking responses. Is this site not based in the US? I just tried to look up what annual holidays are in September and the only one that I recognize as a national holiday is Labor day lol. Reddit on the other hand is usually crazy active but my post just gets ignored.. *shrugs*

Bit slow? LOL - understatement! You can dig in if you want, answer other people's? Anyhoo... (not reading ahead)... "Tl;Dr:" LOL, I'm a wrinkly (well, compared to you) - what does that mean? "My dad has been really difficult to maintain any sort of relationship with, especially in the past few months or so." Has anything happened to crank him up in those few months that you know of (or suspect)? "He doesn't seem to respect me at all, as far as I can tell we don't have any common interests anymore and I'm feeling really conflicted and angry over something he said on social media. It's to the point where I don't even want to talk to him. Any suggestions? I'm a male in my 30's and he's in his 60's." What did he do? And - REALLY? A grown man and father, being offensive to you over social media? Have you ever wondered whether you're adult and he the kid? "Longer: I'm sure I'm still going to leave stuff out" No worries - they'll occur to you as we go. PS: worried and whittling mindset noted. "but I'll start with him moving far away a few years before the pandemic." How far (you can say which countries - that's not nearly enough to identify you)? And have you had a kiddie yet or are in a secure relationship? "We tried to keep in touch for a while but life just kinda got in the way and we stopped talking as much." What had been the split, roughly, between who would call whom? And how often did a call take place - once a week or fortnight? "Earlier this year he just started hounding me for attention again, even going to other family members and telling them I hate him to try and get my attention." Do you mean, you weren't taking his calls at first? Why - because you were busy (because his attempts were unplanned) or because you were cheesed-off with him? "Finally, I suggested just doing a weekly Facebook call since my cell reception is terrible at home and I'm always really busy at work." Fairenoughski. Good compromisory negotiation there? :) But why had he been 'hounding' out-of-the-Blue? "This has not worked out as well as I had hoped. We don't seem to have any common interests anymore, he gets visibly bored" How rude! "with topics I'm interested in and will often just randomly change the subject," RUDER. "sometimes while I'm still talking." (He needs a slapped face.) It's called Conversational Narcissism (go google and if you find him - paste it in here (with a link)). Means you aren't necessarily a disordered narc, just ('just'...PFF!) that you're high on self-absorption and selfishness - and the phone makes 'barging in' more easy than face-to- - sorry - in-person....Think road-rage over-cockiness. What do you tend to do or say when he becomes bad-mannered like that? "Normally that sort of thing doesn't bother me as much coming from him (he's just like)" ***Was that supposed to be 'he's just like that', as in, that's just what he's like?*** You're starting to sound exactly like a 'victim' of a disordered Narc so I guess we have an-OTHER-nother one "but it's definitely gotten worse and this lack of any interest in me when he tried so hard to get in touch with me feels really awkward and off-putting." His 'hounding' and now using you as an audience of one, makes perfect sense if from the start, all he needed (hence his absence before then) waas a brick wall, not a son - don't you agree? Doesn't it also, if we imagine he's a young teenager, expecting you, the parent, to behave on the phone just LIKE a parent does: "Uh-huh...oh, that sounds good...oh, right...well done!... .Well, anyway, I just need to te-... oh, okay - what?....oh, yeah, that's terrible, but look, before you go, I do-......(uh!).....". Me-Me-Me-Me-Me-Me-ME - and you're super-interested because you're my dad. How long ago did they divorce? What is it he's mainly talking about? "He is ALWAYS trying to get me to travel around" You mean, you to do all the travelling...'The mMuntain coming to Mohammad'¿ Is it a case, at least, of 'You go, I'll pay'? "and after a while of trying and not getting me to agree to at least come visit him"... (WELL DONE!) ---"he asked why?" (He cracked...and I'm betting - played along, just waiting for his perfect moment to get his petty revenge - yes?.....stupid question, you can't hear me LOL...well, let's see, then (bet myself a Tenner!...)) "I told him honestly that I'm not comfortable traveling right now and I'm often busy with my full-time job. I was especially hesitant to travel out of state during and even after the pandemic." Fairenoughski that last sentance. And - the first: it's called, you - *you*... have a life. Evidently, he doesn't. And doesn't understandie-wandie Reciprocity/Sharing. Or is he skint and just doesn't want you to know? "I know traveling has gotten safer but it still makes me uneasy." I know an even better excuse: Because, Dud! - you're not worth the bloody effort because you refuse to put the bloody effort IN, despite YOU'RE supposed to be the (usually) richer adult with greater leisure time. Your Love Account in my bonce is thereby EMPTY. (...And give me back my years of Love Coins, you conning basstd :p). "I also told him also working a really good full-time job that I actually enjoy for once and it's kind of hard to break away from it." Nuff said - Finding for the Prosecution! Little (spoiled version) Forrest obviously hasn't got as far as realism and real-life jobs and responsibilities, etc., and is still experimenting with his Crayolas. (Yuh, right.) "He clearly couldn't care less because getting me to travel when I really don't want to has become one of the only things he wants to talk about." Aaaaaaarrrgh! YEP, HOUSTON, WE'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE - CASE CLOSED - BEING HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC AND EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE OR IS ONE (long-term difficulty equals A Pervasive Pattern, meaning, IS one. I just need the answers to all of my questions, please/thanks. "I have explained this all to him multiple times and especially when we're on videochat, I can see it just going in one ear and out the other." Nah. This incessant nagging and gaslighting (didn't hear you/I forgot) is payback for something. PROBABLY, that you are now mounting a protest to the wholly unjust, unfair, unwarranted, unearned, crappy dynamic. NOTICE HOW HE'S A WICKLE FICKIE WHEN IT SUITS AND THE NEXT MINUTE, CONDESCENDINGLY FORCEFUL? It's called Coercive Control. (Noice.) (Not.) So it's just dawned on you, now that he's fairly recently showed a lot more of his arse than ever before and you can tell it looks Narcy? (That's usually how it happens, yeah...) "Earlier this year my cousin sent off wedding invitations and at first I was going to say no but I rather stupidly let him talk me into it. This was bad!" So's Covid. (Counter-manipulation-for-the-power-of-good style evil cackle - join me if you like?.....Doesn't God provide, though - eh? EH? Or the Chinese, whatever.) LET'S SHOUT IT AND GIVE IT A TUNE...."AND SOOO IZZZZ CO...VIIIIIID!" (Fank-oo, Lord/Fate/whatever) Oh, I see - you went! " The trip went well for the most part, I had fun and it was really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time" (It's always the way, when you're dreading a bash; turns out to be fun - don't you find?) "(including my dad)," Uuuuuugh. "but now all he ever wants to do is pressure me and guilt-trip into taking another trip." Option A: 'Daaaad?' 'Yes, Son?' 'F*ck off?' Option B: Ignore most of his calls and train him down to less frequency (and duration). Wean that wickle addict OFF his No. 1 Brick Wall. (PS: When you were little, did he play Tennis off of you as well?) Bottom Line Question: Why are you so reluctant to throw this chocolate teapot to the back of the cupboard? What is it you're worried about creating or losing? Oh, well - next time - 'Me gats Covid (uh-HUH-uh-HUH!)....me-kant com...'. 'Why the stupid Jamaican voice?' 'Mi-found out mi real faather was di greeat Bob Marley, mon' (You can do this - refuse to cooperate...take the piss...entertain yourself at his expense - if he forces a call on you. Passive-resistance is allowed when you've nowhere else to go. It's called Self-Defense (because HE'S NOT DOING IT! - your so-called protector - hah!...IN FACT, HE'S THE ONE CONSTANTLY COMING *AT* YOU). Pretend the facetime thingy is broken, take it back to just voice - AND HAVE FUN-FUN-FUN with your DUD-DUD-DUD, which will mess with his head and - welcome to YOUR world, eh! If that taste of own medicine (refusal to conversationally and otherwise, cooperate) doesn't snap him back out of it or back to the Twatus Minoris level he came from (?? you sure-sure-sure??), then you'll know that wickle Forrest can't learn from consequences...which will need a slightly new approach. In case you hadn't noticed: 1. You have total control 2. He needs you, you don't need him 3. You CEASED needing him BECAUSE he taught you never to rely on him 4. Now you're going to make him live his own rules with you (but without you). Onto your next post...

Is this site not based in the US? I just tried to look up what annual holidays are in September and the only one that I recognize as a national holiday is Labor day lol. Reddit on the other hand is usually crazy active but my post just gets ignored.. *shrugs*" Because people in the know can tell you already know what he is and what you are - and always were - dealing with. They're not appreciating that you're still (somewhat - less than ever, however) stuck in Cognitive Dissonance. I CAN'T dump him - he's My Dad. Yeah, you can. It's a Verb before it can be a Noun. Or you can just dump him for a while....because you've got some work project beginning and are not to be disturbed? You simply don't get ANYWHERE when you use the truth with him - think about it! So if telling the truth is futile, never works - CHANGE IT AND CREATE A NEW CHAIN REACTION. The barrier's in your head, though, isn't it. PS: ""I had worried that maybe I found yet another dead forum but I guess not? " Woo-oooo-ooo-oooooo......WHOOO-OO-OOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOH! (*rattling chains*) Welcome aboard The Marie Celeste, LOL. "It seems like every post lately is kind of lacking responses. " No - really? Can't say I'd noticed (LOL LOL LOL).

PS: No, we're English. Now British. But I myself sold up and fled during the break in Covid to Spain. I knew what was coming. You're American, yes?

So - go on, then... What (typically) disparaging, insulting, unbefitting, inappropriate(?) thing did the mean little Still-Teen say on Fakebook? And was it an ambush?

Only three attempts?...and already more than halfway out the door? Good going! The average is Seven. Only 3... HE doesn't have any other charms to recommend him, then?

"I just tried to look up what annual holidays are in September and the only one that I recognize as a national holiday is Labor day lol. Reddit on the other hand is usually crazy active but my post just gets ignored.. *shrugs*" Never heard of Fate? Don't believe in it? Because apparently, it believes in you...? (You wait till you're over 40....weird sh*t starts happening and you realise, there be stuff beyond your 5 senses, thereb... ohhh yesss.)

I advise you DON'T cool down. Not too much, anyway. Normal-healthy relationship: anger not good. Narc Fauxlationship: anger (you, the vic) good. It's your Turbo....VRRRRRRRRRRRRRuuuummmmmmm!

Have you tried writing him a Dear John letter? Actual, postal letter? I'm betting what came (or failed to come) back would settle your decision for you and make you not just comfy but grateful for it. Plus, you will get to say everything you were ever censored by him from saying. You can eve do a draft here, if you like - I can help.

Here... The (wryly) hilarious side of being you - up against Dud: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE3r_CgScms

"It's not that I don't want to forgive him, but I'm finding it really difficult to and that's even more frustrating because I know he isn't capable of understanding why I'm struggling with this. I wish I were just being mean about that but honestly, I'm not." You're not Jesus. It's not possible for you to forgive - unless and until the perpetrator 'falls at your feet' (understanding exactly what he's done) and begs for it. It's DEFINITELY impossible for you to forgive a Narc. They can sense it and they HATE it and HHHHHHATE YOU!!!... because it represents you being loftier than him...looking down on him.... (I know...just shoot the buggers).... LIKE A (NOWADAYS) EQUAL ADULT - in fact, the ONLY adult. And don't you know it. The ONLY barrier here is.....adapting to the idea first or starting with Baby Steps. Once you start, it's amazing. Talk about game changer.

(Oh yes - No, it's not an official holiday, it's that so many people avoided holiday-ing in August and went abroad in September instead. (And that caused over-booking/under-staffing and plane delays..saw it twice first-hand with my own guests too.) Because of all the OTT July/August heatwaves, they reckon that September is going to have to become the new August.)

“Bit slow? LOL - understatement! You can dig in if you want, answer other people's?” I probably will, maybe this weekend. I haven’t really even been that active on the advice subreddit either lately (I’m usually more active). “Has anything happened to crank him up in those few months that you know of (or suspect)?” Not really. Admittedly, what happened on facebook was sort of my fault (I’ll get more into that in a bit). I was irritated and when I saw one of our relatives (I don’t even remember how I’m related to this person) commented it just reminded me of how he treated me over this in the past. “What did he do? And - REALLY? A grown man and father, being offensive to you over social media? Have you ever wondered whether you're adult and he the kid?” Actually, yeah. I’ve felt like that many times over my lifetime. My mother and I have long suspected that he has some sort of undiagnosed disability or something. Mom used to blame it on his excessive weed-smoking habit (which was a major part of why they divorced) but I’ve known plenty of other stoners, none of whom act quite like this. Imagine someone who’s tried weed for the first time and smoked too much. It’s kind of like that, but he’s always like that. I smoke weed myself from time to time and even when I’m really high, I don’t get like that. I’m actually currently taking a break from it for a handful of reasons. Actually, I’ve had friends talk to me about this too and I’ve heard a number of (unprofessional) theories just based on his sometimes weird behaviors. Like, one friend suggested maybe it’s some form of schizophrenia or bipolar because he does sometimes seem to have a split personality but I don’t know. We don’t have schizophrenia running in the family (though weirdly enough he does sometimes hear voices, not really sure what that means) and although I do have a history of depression I’m not so sure it’s related to whatever’s going on in his head. “How far (you can say which countries - that's not nearly enough to identify you)?” I had to convert this from miles, it’s about 7520 kilometers away. Still in US, just a different state. “And have you had a kiddie yet or are in a secure relationship?” Sadly, no. I do have a pretty good, though kind of distant friendship with one of my exes but she’s been married for a few years now so there’s no potential there. “What had been the split, roughly, between who would call whom? And how often did a call take place - once a week or fortnight?” Usually he’d call me and somehow he never managed to call when I could actually answer the phone. I’ll never understand how he manages to time his phone calls so badly. It got to the point where I started leaving reminders on my phone to call him back because often I’d forget or sometimes I’d make a point to call during my lunch break or (if I could) after work. I’d say we’d talk like once or twice a week, sometimes less. “Do you mean, you weren't taking his calls at first? Why - because you were busy (because his attempts were unplanned) or because you were cheesed-off with him?” Well, often because I was busy and his attempts were unplanned. Sometimes I’d ghost him because I was annoyed with him but I didn’t intend to do it as often as I did. “But why had he been 'hounding' out-of-the-Blue?” I’m not even really sure to be honest. He missed me? It’s weird because you’d think someone who misses me that much would be a little more interested in talking WITH me instead of just TO me like he often seems to do. Like, our first few conversations after we decided to do weekly calls were oddly short of dry. It seemed like we just ran out of things to talk about. “What do you tend to do or say when he becomes bad-mannered like that?” It kind of depends on how bad it is. At least, in the past 8 months or so I sort of just sigh and go along with it even if I was in the middle of saying something. More often than not, that just seems to lead into him trying to pressure me to travel again and more recently, guilt tripping me into traveling. Saying things like “Oh, so you’ll only leave if there’s a wedding? Pfft!” or something like that. Honestly I kind of just tune him out when he gets like that and smile and nod until he notices I’ve stopped talking. Last time that happened that was pretty much the end of the conversation. ***Was that supposed to be 'he's just like that', as in, that's just what he's like?*** Yup! That’s my dad. For some reason I never really thought of this as unusual but I have known him to just kind of space out and stop paying attention regardless of whether or not anyone was talking to him. Like he’s in his own little world. “You're starting to sound exactly like a 'victim' of a disordered Narc so I guess we have an-OTHER-nother one” Awkwardly, you’re not even the first person to say something like that. “How long ago did they divorce?” 27 years ago. He’s remarried since then and although I do not like his wife, I can at least get along with her if I have to. There are plenty of reasons I don’t like her, she’s said some pretty awful things to me, like saying my childhood best friend deserved to die because he did drugs (this was a few months or so after his suicide). I’ve heard some of the drama they’ve had and I’m kind of surprised they stayed together after some of their nastier fights. She’s kind of part of the reason they moved too. I guess they’re happier out there? Idk, he hasn’t really opened up to me about that in a long time. “What is it he's mainly talking about?” “What are your travel plans”, “Wouldn’t you like to visit sometime”, “Where would you like to travel to”, “Wouldn’t it be nice to go <anywhere but home>?”, “When’s your next trip?”, “Don’t you want to go <somewhere else>?”, “Wouldn’t <anywhere else> be nice? Why don’t you plan a trip there?”, “You should come visit sometime!”, “When are you coming to visit?” and so on and so on. More often than not he wants me to come visit him and he’ll often suggest places near where he lives. “Is it a case, at least, of 'You go, I'll pay'?” Yeah, as long as it’s to visit him (and his wife). “Fairenoughski that last sentance. And - the first: it's called, you - *you*... have a life. Evidently, he doesn't. And doesn't understandie-wandie Reciprocity/Sharing. Or is he skint and just doesn't want you to know?” Exactly!! So, this at least kind of gets into what finally happened between us. I work in IT. I’ve done a number of IT jobs, including social media management (and that’s kind of the one I liked the least). I currently work as IT support for a local school and for the first time in my life I have a steady job, great coworkers, nearly constant work, and I’m happy here. I’ve been here for a few years and it does kind of seem like the work never really ends, even when teachers and students aren’t around. On the other hand though, I don’t think my father’s EVER had a full-time job in his life. He was just homeless through a huge chunk of my life and only took the odd job, usually freelance art of some sort. He’s good at what he does, but was only able to get work here because he lived here for so long and had built up a decent reputation among the businesses that would actually hire him. Where he lives now, he has no such reputation at all. I knew that, and having already done some social media stuff for another artist I figured it would be nice to set him up with a facebook business page, instagram page and twitter. I kind of worked pretty hard on this, especially the facebook. Since I knew he’d probably be busy, I scheduled posts to go out regularly for him so he could get settled in and start getting to know people in the area. Since he’s moving somewhere where most places are probably going to at least google him and look him up, it would help a lot if they actually had stuff to look at, like examples of his work and glowing reviews from his regulars here. I even set up my old smartphone at the time so that all he had to do was open the app (primarily facebook) and post a picture. I walked him through all of it, explained very clearly how and why he needed to take pictures (because obviously, I cannot follow him around with a camera), stressed how important it was that he at least posts on a somewhat regular basis. I even offered to do all the promotional and SEO stuff for him. ALL he had to do was post pictures of his work, that was it. After a few months went by all the posts I’ve scheduled just stopped. I know he understood everything I had said, I saw he had been posting on his personal facebook but never even touched the business page. For the most part, I sort of just let it go. I tried for a bit to keep up with his posts but kind of gave up. Maybe like a year or so later, we’re talking on the phone and he mentioned he’d been trying to get freelance artwork again but no one wanted to hire him. He tried posting on craigslist and people keep flagging him, so I suggested again “Why don’t we start up that facebook again?” His response word-for-word: “No. I’m not going to use that. I’ll never show it to anyone. I won’t put it on my business card. I’m never even going to look at it. The only reason I’m leaving it up is because you made it!” Even the tone of his voice was poisonous when he said that. It was such an unexpected and hurtful shift in him. I was kind of shocked and I asked him why but the only thing he’d say is either “because I don’t care” or “because I don’t want to.” This was supposed to be something we could work on together! It was supposed to help promote his business and get him work so for him to just turn on me like that was kind of insulting and infuriating. It kind of didn’t occur to me until recently, but that was kind of around the time we started talking less and he even had the nerve to ask me to make him a website a few months later. Of course, I said no. For some stupid reason, I sort of just let this go after a while. When we finally started talking again I didn’t even bring it up and kind of didn’t think of it at the time. It didn’t even really bother me until some relative of ours left a comment on that business page and I remembered what he said. I responded basically just telling her that this page was dead and my dad didn’t care. My dad responded a few days later with something very similar to what I quoted above and I haven’t been on facebook since. I immediately removed myself as an admin, unfollowed the page and logged off of facebook. I haven’t been back since then and it’s been almost 2 weeks now. I know I probably should tell him he needs to take that page down but knowing him, explaining this would just get him to blame me for his business failing the way it has. If this were just a case of “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” I might feel a little more forgiving, but he’s made it crystal clear that is definitely not the case here. He knows what he’s doing and it feels like he’s stupidly doing it to spite me for some mysterious reason (not realizing that this spite of his is actually harming him financially). “Nah. This incessant nagging and gaslighting (didn't hear you/I forgot) is payback for something. PROBABLY, that you are now mounting a protest to the wholly unjust, unfair, unwarranted, unearned, crappy dynamic.” I’ve actually been thinking this all day, even before I read your responses. I can’t for the life of me even imagine what on earth I could have done to deserve this treatment from him. I thought I was doing something nice for him, trying to get him set up with at least a facebook page to promote his art, offering to research potential clients, tagging businesses he’s worked for so they can easily find him and leave good reviews. Nope! Apparently he is so ridiculously ashamed of me that he won’t even consider using anything I’ve made for him (specifically because “I made it”). It’s kind of biting him in the butt now though because no one wants to hire him. He rarely gets work, no one even knows how he is, when they look him up all they find is a dead facebook page, possibly a long dead instagram and Twitter, and an ancient old Pinterest account that he abandoned a very long time ago (kind of unrelated to the rest of this). These people are probably flagging him because they think he’s a scam or someone’s just ripping off his artwork for whatever reason. The only reason I can think of so far for any of this is maybe I somehow ruined his life when I was born? I mean, it’s not like he was doing much with it at the time, so I don’t know. " The trip went well for the most part, I had fun and it was really nice to see people I haven't seen in a really long time" (It's always the way, when you're dreading a bash; turns out to be fun - don't you find?) "(including my dad)," Uuuuuugh. Yeah, figures I’d have a great time and HE’S the one to make me regret going at all. “Pretend the facetime thingy is broken, take it back to just voice - AND HAVE FUN-FUN-FUN with your DUD-DUD-DUD, which will mess with his head and - welcome to YOUR world, eh!” Funnily enough, it actually IS broken. I have the parts and tools I need to fix it but I’ve been dragging my feet on that because I want to save up and replace another part that’s about to break too. I have a pretty decent laptop, but it does need a little work. “In case you hadn't noticed: 1. You have total control 2. He needs you, you don't need him 3. You CEASED needing him BECAUSE he taught you never to rely on him 4. Now you're going to make him live his own rules with you (but without you).” This is mostly true but unfortunately he does have some leverage, my inheritance money from my grandmother (his mom) passing away a few years ago. I’m actually not 100% sure why he got it and I didn’t when she left it to me but he has sent me some of it. At the time, when we talked about it and he said he was sending some of it he said he’d put the rest in a trust? But as far as I know, he hasn’t. Last I heard, he still had it and I kind of could use it right now. Even though I do have a decent job, I’ve recently had to spend a lot so I’m kind of broke for the time being.